


Dates in Central Park

by dr_jillianholtzmann



Category: Ghostbusters (2016)
Genre: Also happy holtzbert week everyone! So glad I could update this week, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, First Kiss, Fluff, Fluffy, Friends to Lovers, Friendship/Love, Happy Ending, Holtzbert - Freeform, Holtzmann and Erin meet in a different way, Hurt/Comfort, I apologize in advance, Slow Burn, i guess this is au?, it will be in later chapters, nothing too bad, the ghostbusters and everything still exists, there will be some angst in this story, there's some phil/erin in here, they just meet each other differently
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-10
Updated: 2017-06-12
Packaged: 2018-09-16 12:49:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 61,152
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9272528
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dr_jillianholtzmann/pseuds/dr_jillianholtzmann
Summary: Erin Gilbert is strolling through Central Park on a cold winter day. As always, her walk ends at Lasker Rink, her favorite part of the park during this time of the year. She stands close to the ice skating rink, watching the children as they glide over the ice.“Come here often?” Someone suddenly asks, causing Erin to turn around on her heels. Her eyes land on an odd looking woman, who is sitting alone on a bench Erin hadn't noticed before.“Are,“ She nervously clears her throat, “Are you talking to me?”Holtzmann pats the empty spot next to her, and Erin sits down, not realizing this will be the beginning of many, many Central Park dates.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, everyone!
> 
> So.. I wasn't going to start something new until I had 'It's the little things' finished, but then I had this idea stuck in my head and I just really wanted to write it. Anyways, good news is that I have most of the story finished already so updates should be pretty soon. :) 
> 
> There will be some Phil/Erin in this story, so I apologize for that. However, Phil is an a**hole and this is a true Holtzbert story. It's not really an alternative universe, but it's simply a different way of Erin and Holtzmann meeting. 
> 
> I guess that's it! The first chapter is really more of an introduction, but I still hope you will all like it! Please do let me know! ;) comments totally make my day and it really helps me :) 
> 
> Oh and yeah English is not my first language! :) Sorry about the mistakes.. 
> 
> xx E

It was cold, colder than usual, even for this time of the year. Still, Erin Gilbert found herself walking through central park, holding a cup of coffee close to her chest, hoping it would give her some warmth. Her colleagues at Columbia had warned her not to go out today, but she had brushed them off, saying she was used to the weather by now. Still, it was colder than she had expected. She was walking her usual route, which was really just a small circle in the Northern part of the park. Currently, she was strolling alongside Lasker Rink, watching the children skating on the ice. Normally, there was no time to stop and watch, but due to a meeting today one of her classes had been canceled and she had some extra time. She looked at the children, taking a big gulp of her coffee while she did so. Erin smiled, for a second wishing she was on the ice herself, though it had been years she had last skated. She shook it off and turned around to search for an empty seat. Most of the benches were occupied with moms, who had come together in groups to watch their children. She stood still for a second, not really feeling like sitting down next to them.

“Come here often?.” Someone suddenly asked, causing Erin to turn around on her heels. Her eyes landed on an odd looking woman, who was sitting alone on a bench Erin hadn’t noticed yet.

“Are,“ She cleared her throat, “Are you talking to me?" 

The woman smiled a bright smile, then winked. “Who else would I be talking to?” She responded, before patting the empty spot next to her. She didn’t wait for Erin to respond or do anything, instead she just looked down at a notebook she had in her lap, returning to whatever she was doing before.

Erin surprised herself by walking over and sitting down next to the other woman, being careful to keep some distance between them. “Thank you.” She said, softly.

The other woman, who had been writing something down, now turned to look up and smirk at her. “Yeah, no problem really.”

Even after the eye contact broke, Erin still found herself staring at this mysterious woman. She was wearing overalls which looked like they had seen better days, as well as a worn out leather jacket. It seemed way too cold for this time of the year, yet the woman still didn’t appear to be bothered by the weather at all. Realizing now that she was staring Erin tore her eyes away from her, leaning forward to retrieve a book from her bag. Within minutes she was wrapped up completely in the book, not even noticing when the woman next to her stood up. Finally, the blonde cleared her throat, now catching Erin’s attention.

“I’m sorry,” She said, “Did you say something?”

The woman smiled at her. “You’re kinda sitting on my backpack, and I have to get back to work so..”

Erin looked down, noticing that she was indeed sitting on top of one of the straps of the backpack. “Oh god, I’m sorry.” She said, immediately getting up. Now that she was standing she noticed that the woman was a couple of inches smaller than her.

“No worries. It was nice meeting you..” She said, making it clear that she was waiting for a response from Erin.

“Oh, it's Doctor Gilbert, I mean, Erin. It’s Erin.”

The girl chuckled, then held out her own hand. “Holtz. Just Holtz.”

Erin shook her hand, smiling down at the stranger. Finally, after what felt like a full minute, the younger woman retrieved her hand. “Shit, I’m sorry I really have to go now. Maybe I’ll see you another time?”

Erin nodded. “Yeah, maybe.” She said, though Holtz was already running away from her and she wasn’t sure the girl had heard her.

* * *

 

Another time turned out to be exactly a week later. Erin had been strolling through the park once again during her usual break, although she found herself walking faster than normal. She didn’t stop at any of her usual places, instead she walked straight over towards Lasker Rink; just because she wanted to see the children ice skating, obviously.

She walked up to the rink, trying her best to not look at the benches to see if a certain blonde woman was there.

“Hey, stranger.” A familiar voice said, causing Erin to turn around.

“Hey.” She responded, smiling back at her.

“Back again?” Holtzmann asked, standing up from the bench to join Erin.

“I’m here a lot actually,” Erin responded. “I like to walk during my lunch break, and this is truly a beautiful place of the park.” She was looking back at the ice rink now, smiling at nothing in particular.

“Couldn’t agree more, I try to come as often as I can, but it’s pretty far from where I work, and as amazing as my boss is, she doesn’t really like it when I show up 40 minutes late.”

Erin laughed. “I get that. Where do you work?” She asked then.

“West 61st street,” Holtzmann answered, simply.

Erin frowned, thinking it over for a second. “Higgins?” She asked then, and Holtzmann looked up, a smile on her face.

“Yeah!” The girl responded enthusiastically.

Erin smiled in response, finding the blonde’s childlike enthusiasm endearing. “That’s pretty far from here.” She said then, suddenly realizing how far Holtz must have walked.

“Like I said, I’m often late.” Holtzmann said, a grin on her face. She rubbed her hands, bringing them closer to her face so she could blow hot air on them.

“Coffee?” Erin suddenly blurted out, a bit too loud, startling the other woman. She awkwardly gestured towards the coffee stall a few feet over.

“How could I say no to such a sweet offer?” The blonde teased, getting an eye roll from Erin in response.

“What would you like? My treat.” Erin said, realizing she was blushing by now.

Either Holtzmann didn’t notice, or she chose to ignore it. “I’d like a cappuccino with a bit of cinnamon on top of it if that’s possible.” Holtzmann spoke, now looking at the woman behind the stall.

“Cinnamon?” Erin asked, a frown on her face.

“Hey!” Holtzmann said. “Don’t knock it till you’ve tried it.”

The redhead laughed. “Maybe some other time.” She ordered a simple black coffee for herself, then handed the woman some money, now moving to sit down next to Holtz on a bench.

“So,” the blonde said, returning to their earlier conversation, “You said your name was Doctor Gilbert? Right? Do you work at a hospital or something?”

Erin shook her head. “No, actually, I’m a professor at Columbia.”

Holtzmann’s mouth dropped open. “That is awesome! What do you teach?”

Just as Erin was about to respond her phone rang. She rolled her eyes, then retrieved the device from her purse. “Sorry.” She said, “I have to take this.”

Holtzmann just smiled in response. “That’s cool. I have to go anyways, or my friend is seriously gonna kill me. Thanks for the coffee, I owe you one. ‘Til next time?”

“Until next time.” Erin said, easily returning the smile.

* * *

The next day, Erin stood in front of the small coffee stall outside of Columbia, smiling at the man behind it.

“Good afternoon, Doctor Gilbert.” The man said, knowing her well by now. “Going out again?”

Erin nodded in response. “Yes, it finally stopped snowing so I figured it would be a nice day to go.”

He smiled, then held up a cup of coffee. “There you go, your usual.” Erin took the cup from his hands.

“You know what,” she then said, “Could I maybe also get a cappuccino with cinnamon on top of it?”

He frowned, then stared at something behind her and started to smile as if he'd realized something. “Ah, is professor Hudson joining you today?”

She squinted her eyes at him. “No, I mean not that I-“

The man gestured towards something behind her, causing Erin to turn around. “Phil!” She said, trying to appear enthusiastic. “What are you doing here?”

The man stared at her, then moved closer to wrap his arms around her. “Do I need an excuse to see my girlfriend?”

Erin struggled in his arms, “No.” She said, looking down to the floor, “I guess not.”

Phil finally pulled back from her, but just a little, now looking down at Erin. “I figured I’d join you on your walk.”

The physicist felt herself holding back a groan, awkwardly shifting her weight from one foot to the other. “That’s very nice Phil, but it’s alright. I like walking by myself.”

She immediately realized she had made a mistake, as Phil was now glaring quite angrily at her. “Nonsense.” He finally said, his voice sounding strained. “Let’s go.”

Before she could say anything else, Phil was dragging her along.

The walk was awkward, Phil hadn’t said more than three words since he had dragged her along with him, and Erin found herself only getting more frustrated every passing second. Suddenly, she realized where they were, and stopped instantly. “Let’s uh.. let’s go back. We don’t want to be late.”

Phil stopped too, turning around to look at her. “What do you mean? We still have lots of time. We can sit down over there.”

Erin nervously looked towards the rink, noticing a familiar person on one of the benches. “No. Phil I’m kind of cold, I’d really like to go.”

The man rolled his eyes, walking over to take hold of Erin’s arm. “Stop complaining, Erin.” He said, his grip on her arm tightening almost painfully.

She could only nod, silently following him towards the benches. Noticing how there weren’t any empty ones, Phil walked right over towards a blonde woman, who seemed to be taking up a lot of space on one of the somewhat larger benches.

“Excuse me.” He said, his tone harsh. Erin felt her heart pounding fast in her chest, frantically looking around her for a place, any place, where she could hide. She eventually stepped behind a group of women, successfully hiding herself.

“Would you mind moving your stuff? Other people want to sit as well.” Phil continued, now finally getting the blonde to look at him.

“Geez, I’m sorry.” Holtzmann said, looking up to stare at the man. She still hadn’t noticed Erin, which was a relieve at leas... she could still run away. Just as she was about to turn around and run, Phil turned back towards her.

“Erin.” She stood still, frozen in her spot. “Erin, baby, come over here.” She realized there was no going back now, and turned around to move away from the group of women she had been hiding behind.

As soon as Holtzmann noticed her, her eyes went wide. She opened her mouth to say something, but seeing the panicked look on the redhead’s face made her change her mind. Instead, she closed her mouth, clearing her throat instead before looking up and making eye contact with the redhead. “You can sit here, ma'am.” She said, patting the place between her and Phil. Erin found herself nodding in response, moving to sit down between the two of them.

Phil threw his arm around her, and Erin felt herself flinching as soon as his hand made contact with her shoulder. As much as she tried to hide it, she could feel the blonde staring at her, immediately realizing that she had noticed the flinching. Erin panicked, not knowing what to do. She looked down at Holtzmann’s notebook, and an idea popped into her head. Awkwardly, she pretended to reach for her purse, knocking the blonde’s notebook off of her lap on purpose. She looked up, staring at Holtzmann now. For a second it felt like it was only the two of them, like there wasn’t a third person on this bench, or anywhere in the whole park.

“I’m really sorry.” Erin said, both of them knowing the true meaning of her words.

Holtzmann smiled at her. “It’s alright. Really.”

Erin returned her smile, relieved that at least the blonde wasn’t upset with her. Not that she really had a reason to be, but still, it felt strange.

Phil scoffed then, turning to look at Erin with a look of disgust on his face. “Sweetheart, why did you get me this awful coffee?”

Erin blushed then, completely having forgotten about the fact that the coffee was meant for Holtzmann. When Phil had shown up, she had just simply told him the coffee was for him, because it was easier. “Uh..” She stammered, not knowing what to say.

“What is this?” He then said, taking another sip before turning towards her again. “Is there cinnamon in this?”

Next to her, Holtzmann dropped the pen she had been holding down on the ground, along with a book she had had in her lap. “Shit. Sorry about that.” She said, the younger woman's cheeks bright red now.

“Yeah- Yes.” Erin responded, then clearing her throat as she looked from Holtzmann to Phil. “I don’t know how that happened, must have been an accident.”

Phil squinted his eyes, then returned his attention back towards the ice skating rink. “Strange.” He simply said.

“Strange indeed.” Holtzmann whispered next to her, so soft that only Erin could hear it. Erin chuckled in response, then managed to free herself from Phil’s grip, who seemed to be too distracted anyways to notice, so she could poke at the blonde’s waist. “Shut up.” She whispered, pleased when Holtzmann smiled in response.

Phil, apparently not happy with the sudden distance between him and Erin, pulled her closer to his body again, Erin once again struggling in his hold.

Next to her, Holtzmann scribbled something down onto a piece of paper, before standing up and staring down at the two. “It was nice to meet you two.” She said, Erin noticing how nervous the blonde looked. She awkwardly held out her free hand towards Phil, who shook it, a frown on his face.

Erin squinted her eyes, unsure what the blonde was doing. Then, Holtzmann held out her hand to her, and Erin shook it, finally realizing what her plan had been all along as a piece of paper was pushed into her hand. “Nice to meet you too.” She responded, smiling softly at her.

The blonde nodded, before turning on her heels and leaving the two of them alone. Erin quickly put the piece of paper into her pocket, figuring it would be best if she would read it later.

“What a strange woman.” Phil said, glaring at Holtzmann as she walked away from them.

“I thought she seemed really nice.” Erin said instead.

She only dared to take the piece of paper out of her pocket once she was back into her office, about an hour and a half later. She looked around her, even though she was certain no-one was here, then finally stared down at the note.

 **_I would have really liked that coffee.. :)_ **  
**_How about a do-over? I’ll bring the coffee this time…_ **  
**_Tomorrow? Same time same place?_ **  
**_I’ll be there._ **  
**_Holtz_ **


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU TO EVERYONE WHO LEFT COMMENTS/KUDOS! 
> 
> Seriously, it means the world to me and really helps me to figure out where the story should go next :) 
> 
> As a thank you, I now present to you the second chapter, which is really, really long. I was going to split this up into two chapters, but it didn't feel right. 
> 
> Please let me know what you think of it :) 
> 
> xx E
> 
> P.s: please forgive me for any weird mistakes I make.. it's pretty late here.

“So..” Abby said, pacing around the lab as she waited for her soup (which was, as usual, about 45 minutes late) “you’re really going?”

The engineer was just putting on her leather jacket, now stopping to turn around and look at her friend. “I mean yeah.. why wouldn’t I?”

Abby rolled her eyes. “Because she has a boyfriend.”

Holtzmann shook her head. “It’s not even about that.”

“Really?”

“Okay.. so maybe it was about that before, but it’s not anymore. I promise.”

Abby didn’t believe her friend for a second, but also knew that trying to stop Holtzmann was useless. “Okay then. Just don’t be too late, please? Doctor Gorin is coming over later today to help up out with some of the new equipment.”

“I know, I know.” Holtzmann said.

“Who is she anyways?” Abby asked then, suddenly curious to know more about this person who had been keeping Holtzmann from doing her work.

“I’m not telling you!” The blonde responded, laughing now.

“Why not?” The brunette asked, pretending to be offended.

“Because you’re gonna look her up and tell me every little thing that’s wrong with her. Honestly, sometimes you act like you’re my mother.”

“I am your mother.” Abby joked.

The blonde rolled her eyes in response. “Anyways, I kind of like that we don’t know a lot about each other; keeps it fun.”

Abby glared at her. “I’ll find out.”

The other woman’s glare only made Holtzmann laugh harder. “I’m sure you will, Abby.”

* * *

Erin arrived at the park about ten minutes before 12, earlier than usual. Holtz wasn’t there yet, so Erin walked over towards their usual bench, grabbed her book and waited for the blonde.

“Sorry I’m late.” A familiar voice said about fifteen minutes later, snapping Erin out of her thoughts. She looked up to stare at the blonde, who was wearing her usual leather jacket and overalls, along with a bright yellow scarf.

“That’s alright.” Erin said, reaching over to take one of the cups of coffee from her hands, mouthing a quick thank you. “I like your scarf.”

Holtzmann chuckled, now moving to sit down next to Erin. Automatically, she rested her arm on the bench behind Erin, noticing how the redhead didn’t flinch when her hand accidently touched her shoulder. “Thanks,” She responded. “They said it was gonna snow today, so..”

“Again?” Erin asked.

“Yeah, I like it, though. Everything is so much more beautiful when there’s snow.”

The physicist smiled. “I guess you’re right.”

A silence fell between them, and even though it usually didn’t feel awkward, Erin noticed how it was different this time. Finally, she looked up at the blonde. “I want to apologize, for the other day.”

Holtzmann frowned. “Erin, you have nothing to apologize for.”

“No,” Erin said, shaking her head, “I feel like I do. Phil was being an asshole, and I didn’t really want him to come with me on my walk in the first place.”

“I got that.” Holtzmann said, then immediately regretting her words when she noticed the look on Erin’s face. “Shit, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean anything bad, he seems really nice. I just- I guess I sorta noticed how you weren’t feeling very comfortable, though obviously, that could have been just because I was there. I’m sorry Erin I really didn’t-“

“Stop rambling.” Erin said as she interrupted her, placing her hand on the other woman’s leg. Holtzmann turned around slightly, now making eye contact with the redhead, who was – surprisingly – smiling at her.

“It’s fine, Holtz. Really. You were right actually; I didn’t- I don’t feel comfortable around him.”

The blonde squinted her eyes, noticing how Erin’s hand was still resting on her leg. “New relationships are always a bit awkward in the beginning.” She said.

Erin shook her head. “No, it’s not that, we’ve been dating for a few months. I mean, it’s complicated, I guess. I tried to break up with him, two days ago.”

“But?”

“But he insisted that we should give it another shot.”   
Holtzmann stared at her, a puzzled look on her face as she tried to figure out what the redhead was thinking. “Is that what you want?” She said after a full minute.

“Sorry?” Erin said.

“Giving it another shot, is that what you want?”

“Yes!” Erin responded, a bit too soon, a bit too enthusiastic; Holtzmann saw right through her.

“Cut the bull, Erin.”

Erin smiled as she rolled her eyes, turning her head away from Holtzmann. “Okay so maybe I don’t, not really. I guess it’s just easier to keep dating him. It’s horrible, I know.”

Holtzmann brought her hand back to Erin’s shoulder once again, gently squeezing it. Once again, Erin didn’t flinch away from her. “It’s not horrible, I get it. I’ve dated women purely because it was better than being alone.”

Erin whipped her head around, staring at her with a shocked expression on her face. For a second Holtzmann thought the redhead was actually taken aback by the fact that she was gay, and she suddenly felt herself blushing. Then, the physicist smiled, lightly smacking her leg. “Holtz! That is horrible! Those poor girls.”

Holtzmann let out a breath she hadn't realized she had been holding, then shrugged her shoulders. “Yeah well, I don’t think they really liked me anyways.”

Erin’s smile softened, and she opened her mouth to speak. Holtzmann held up her hand, stopping her before she even managed to say a single word. “Don’t pity me, Gilbert. I wasn’t really into them, either.”

The redhead doubled over in laughter. “You are terrible.” She said, having finally caught her breath again after a minute or two.

Holtzmann pouted her lips, which caused Erin to roll her eyes at her, a smile still on her face. The physicist leaned back into the bench, aware of how Holtzmann’s arm was still behind her, and how she didn’t mind at all.

“You know,” She said, quieter now, “I just realized I don’t really know anything about you.”

Holtzmann’s mouth dropped open. “Excuse me, Doctor Gilbert. You know a ton about me.”

“I don’t even know your name!”

The blonde raised her eyebrows. “What are you talking about? I’ve told you my name.”

Erin rolled her eyes. “Well, I’m assuming Holtz isn’t your actual name, most likely a nickname or last name. Really all I know is that you drink cappuccino with cinnamon, I know that you work at Higgins, and I now know that you are a terrible person who dates girls she doesn’t really like.”

The blonde pretended to be offended by that last comment, pulling back her arm and moving further away from Erin on the bench. The redhead just laughed, moving closer to Holtz again.

“Well, first of all, Holtz is my last name, sort of, at least. And I’ll have you know that I also date people who I do actually like, there’s just not a lot of girls who are into the same kind of things as I am, so most of them get bored pretty quickly once I start talking about work. I just figured it was easier to stop trying to impress them with my work, so now I just use my excellent flirting skills.” She wiggled her eyebrows then, making the redhead laugh at her.

“Besides, I don’t know much about you either. I know that you drink your coffee black, I know that you work as a professor at Columbia, and I know that you date men who you don’t really like.”

“Okay, then.” Erin said, holding up her hands in defeat. “You’ve made your point. So, ask me.”

“Ask you what?” The blonde said, frowning now.

“Anything you want. What do you want to know?”

Holtzmann stayed quiet for a few seconds, then finally she shook her head. “Nah, that’s alright. I quite like not knowing things, that way I’ll be surprised.”

The redhead rolled her eyes at that comment, though she couldn’t help but smile at the younger woman. “I guess I understand. Besides, you would probably think I’m very boring once you find out more about me.”

The blonde shook her head, standing up from the bench now. “I doubt that, Gilbert. I have to go now though, my friend is seriously going to kill me if I’m late again, which I already sorta am.”

“I understand, Holtz. Have a nice weekend. See you on Monday?”

“Yeah, see you on Monday.”

* * *

On Sunday evening, Erin stood in front of the mirror, staring at her own reflection. She sighed deeply, not liking how her dress clings too tightly to her skin. She pulled at the bottom, feeling like she was showing way too much skin for a work event. Suddenly there was a knock on the door of her bedroom, startling her. “Come in.” She said, surprised by how hoarse her voice sounded.

Phil walked in, a huge smile on his face as soon as he saw Erin. “You look hot, baby.” He said, moving closer towards his girlfriend.

Nervously, Erin took a step back, successfully putting some distance between them. “I don’t know, Phil. It feels a little-“ She looked at her own reflection once more, “short.”

Phil shook his head, reaching over and pulling the redhead into his arms, his grip a little too tight for Erin’s liking. “What are you talking about? Erin, I bought this for you, the least you can do is at least wear it tonight.”

Erin ducked her head down. “You’re right. I’ll uh, I’ll get my things.”

They arrived at the party about half an hour later. Within 40 minutes, Phil was drunk, so Erin figured she’d be the one driving both of them home tonight, even though they had come in Phil’s car. She should have just taken her own car, which had been the plan before Phil decided it would be weird if they showed up separately.

Currently, he was talking to a group of other male professor’s as she walked over, gently guiding him away from the others.

“Phil,” She said, her voice sounding a bit shakier than normal, “maybe you should take it easy?” She gestured towards his drink before continuing, “I mean, tomorrow's a Monday.”

Phil rolled his eyes, now laughing loudly and drawing way too much attention to them. “Just shut up, Erin.” He said, making her flinch in response.

He turned to stare at some of his friends, smiling broadly at them. “Women,” He said, pointing his finger towards Erin, “always trying to tell you what to do, as if they know anything.” His friends immediately burst out into laughter, making Erin wonder why in the hell she had agreed to come along in the first place.

“Excuse me.” Erin said, crossing her arms in front of her chest. “I’m pretty sure I have a doctorate and you don’t.”

Phil’s face turned bright red, and Erin realized she had made a mistake. Phil’s temper was awful in general, but it was even worse when he was drunk. “Erin, my dear Erin.” He said, his voice low, “We all know you just got that because you’re pretty. That’s just how it works. Besides, let’s not forget about that whole ‘ghost book’ thing you wrote.”

The group of men laughed, clearly thinking that Phil was just joking around. Erin knew better, though. She felt her eyes watering but pushed her tears back. The last thing she wanted to do was cry in front of Phil, in front of her coworkers. She walked away from him, deciding it was better to just ignore him. Phil wasn’t having any of it, though, now storming after her.

“Hey, what in the hell are you doing? You just embarrassed me in front of my friends by storming off like that.” He said, slurring a little as he spoke.

“What do you mean I embarrassed you?” Erin spat back, a shocked expression on her face. “ _You_ were the one who just embarrassed me.”   
Phil looked at her, clearly confused. The redhead just shook her head in response, not surprised that Phil didn’t understand how badly he had hurt her.

“You know what? Fuck you, Phil.”

She turned around then, pulling once more on the bottom of the dress as she walked towards the exit. At the last moment, she turned around. “I’m taking the car, so good luck getting home.”

* * *

Erin arrived later than normal on Monday, barely in time for her first class. Despite the horrible evening, she looked the same as ever, dressed in a tweed skirt and blazer, along with a tiny bowtie. She hadn’t cried yet, because somehow that would feel like admitting exactly how much Phil’s comment had hurt her. Besides, she didn’t want to give him the satisfying feeling she knew he’d get if he would see her, red eyes and wrinkled clothes. No, instead she’d just keep all of it inside of her, pushing the negative thoughts back and putting a fake smile on her face.

At around a quarter to twelve she gathered her things, desperate to get out of the classroom and into the cold New York air.

“Erin!” A familiar voice said, and immediately she felt her body tensing up.

“Phil.” She said, turning on her heels. She had almost made it out of the building but had apparently not been fast enough.

“We need to talk.” He said, nervously looking around him to see if any of his ‘buddies’ were here. Relieved to see that nobody of importance was anywhere close, he took a step closer to Erin, trying to take her hands in his. “I love you, baby. I’m really sorry for what I said, trust me. I was drunk and I-“

“Save it.” Erin said, lowering her gaze to the floor as she felt her eyes watering again. _Pull yourself together, Erin._ “I’m going, please don’t follow me.”

* * *

Erin practically ran towards Lasker Rink, realizing how embarrassing she probably looked. She had forgotten her coat, even though it was freezing outside, and was now running around the park like a crazy woman. Still, she didn’t care, she had to get to Holtz.

Finally, after what felt like an hour - though it had probably only been ten minutes - she was there, still panting as she slowly made her way over towards the bench. As she got closer, she noticed how another woman was sitting next to the blonde. She looked young, even younger than Holtzmann, and her hand was stroking Holtzmann’s arm. She was laughing loudly at something the blonde had said, and Erin suddenly felt awkward, like she was intruding.

She was about to turn around and head back when the other girl noticed her, squinting her eyes at Erin. “What are you staring at?” She spoke, causing Holtzmann to turn around towards her.

“Babe!” Holtz said enthusiastically, freeing herself from the young girl’s grip and jumping up from the bench.

Erin’s mouth dropped open, completely taken aback by the use of the nickname. Holtzmann walked closer to her, squinted her eyes for a second as stared at Erin’s somewhat red eyes. She shook it off, though, and smiled softly at her instead. “Please just help me, I promise I’ll owe you like a million free coffee’s.”

Erin just nodded in response, not even really realizing what was going on anyways. As soon as she had laid her eyes on the blonde, all of the emotions she had been pushing away had rushed back to her, in full force.

The blonde stared at her once more before moving to stand next to Erin, now wrapping an arm around her shoulder. “I told you I had a girlfriend.” She said, raising an eyebrow as she glared at the young girl.

The brunette rolled her eyes “Yeah, whatever.” She said, before turning on her heels and walking away from them.

“Thank god!” Holtzmann said, stepping in front of Erin and wrapping her arms around the other woman. Erin froze for a second, trying to fight it even though she knew it was useless. She felt herself returning the hug, and then she was crying, actually sobbing into the younger woman’s neck as held her closely to her own body.

“Shit, Erin.” Holtz said, trying to pull back from the hug when she noticed that Erin was crying. The redhead shook her head, tightening her hold on the blonde to keep her close.

“Fuck, I’m really sorry.” Holtzmann said, her own voice sounding somewhat croaky, “I didn’t mean to upset you.”

Erin was frantically shaking her head now, pulling away from Holtzmann so she could look at her. She didn’t even care that her makeup was ruined and that she looked like shit. “No, it’s not you, Holtz.”

The blonde softly grabbed her hand, guiding her towards the bench. She pulled her legs up so she could turn to face Erin, who was silently crying now, tears running down her cheeks. Holtzmann stayed silent, figuring the redhead needed time. As she waited, she noticed how she wasn’t wearing a jacket, so she took off her yellow scarf and wrapped it around Erin’s neck. The redhead smiled in response. “You don’t have to do that.” She said, her voice sounding weaker than normal.

“It’s alright, I don’t get cold. Besides, it looks adorable on you.”

It was silent again, Holtzmann reaching out to stroke the woman’s arm briefly. “You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.”

Erin smiled, fidgeting with the scarf in her lap. “It’s just- It’s dumb.”

“Tell me anyway.”

This time Erin did look up, her eyes locking onto Holtz. She smiled as the younger woman pushed a cup of coffee into her hands.

“Yeah sorry, it’s probably cold.”

“That’s alright. Thank you.”

She sighed deeply then, finally gathering enough courage. “It was Phil, he said some things, and I didn’t really want to admit that it hurt, but it did.”

Holtzmann smiled at her, moving to take Erin’s free hand in hers and for the first time in a long time, Erin felt like she could actually talk to someone without having to worry about them judging her, or thinking any less of her. With Holtzmann she could just open up, and maybe it was because they didn’t really know each other, or maybe it was because they had this weird connection that she didn’t really understand. Whatever it was, Erin felt safe when she was with her, knowing that the blonde was here for her.

“Fuck.” Holtzmann said after Erin had finally stopped talking. “I really really fucking hate him right now.” She stood up and began pacing in front of the bench.

“Holtz, sit down.”

“Sorry, sorry. I just- how could he do this to you?”

Erin blushed. “I guess I let him, I mean I could have stopped it sooner, I just-“

Holtzmann sat down again, immediately pulling the redhead into a hug. “No, don’t do that to yourself, Erin. It’s not your fault.”

The blonde’s sweet comment only intensified Erin’s blush, and she awkwardly ducked down to get her purse. She looked inside of it, trying to find some tissues.

“Wait.” Holtzmann said, pulling an old coffee cup from her bag. At first, Erin thought she was going to make a joke about her being messy or something, but then she noticed how serious the blonde looked.

“Is this how you spell your name?” Holtzmann said, turning the cup towards her.

Erin frowned. “Uh yes, it’s Erin, with an E,” She said, “for Everything you want.” She added then, trying to lighten the mood.

Apparently, it had the opposite effect, as the blonde had turned completely pale now. “You’re Erin Gilbert..” She said, mostly to herself.

Erin, extremely confused now, nodded slowly. “Yes, Holtz, what’s going on? I told you this before.”

Holtzmann pushed herself away from Erin, frantically gathering her stuff together. “You know what, I uh, I forgot that I have to do something. I’m really sorry Erin, and I hope you feel better. I’ll uh, I’ll talk to you later?”

Erin, completely dumbfounded, just nodded in response, watching how the blonde practically sprinted away from her.

* * *

Holtzmann entered the lab, almost passing out from the lack of oxygen because of all of the running. Luckily, Abby wasn’t here yet, so she had the entire place to herself. She walked towards a cardboard box in the corner of their lab, pretty sure this was where Abby kept it.

She dove in, throwing things out and onto the floor as she searched. Just as she was about to give up she saw it. The book.

She had only heard Abby speak about it once, when she had introduced herself. The brunette had made it pretty clear that she didn’t, not ever, wanted to talk about it, or the person who she wrote it with. So, all Holtzmann had gotten was a quick glance and a brief mentioning of another person. Still, Holtzmann doesn't forget a lot of things, mostly due to her photographic memory, which was why everything had clicked into place when she had seen Erin's cup.

Holtzmann retrieved the book from the box and stared at it, her heart pounding rapidly in her chest. ‘Ghost from our Past by Erin Gilbert and Abby L. Yates’ the title said. She turned the book over, now faced with a picture of a somewhat younger, but clearly recognizable Erin.

“Fuck.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked it! Be sure to tell me what you'd like to see next :) 
> 
> Also, you can find me on tumblr (dr-jillianholtzmann.tumblr.com) I always love talking to new people!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I once more want to thank everyone who's left comments and/or kudos! This story is getting a lot of love (also on Tumblr) and it honestly means the world to me! It makes me so excited to continue :) 
> 
> Anyways, here we go again, another somewhat long chapter I guess. 
> 
> Remember to tell me what you like/don't like/want to see happening, it really helps me out and I love talking to all of you! 
> 
> for the ones who didn't know, I'm dr-jillianholtzmann on tumblr! 
> 
> Excuse my grammar and other stupid mistakes!
> 
> xx E
> 
> OH AND SURPRISE PATTY IS IN THIS CHAPTER SO ENJOY!

  
“This is bad.” Holtzmann said to herself as she closed the book, having finished it in just a couple of hours. She was a fast reader, always had been, but today it came in particularly handy. The engineer had taken the book home with her, figuring it would be best. She wouldn’t want Abby to walk in and see her with it, because as messed up as everything already was, that would only make it worse. She probably should talk to Abby though, at least to figure out how bad the relationship between her and Erin actually was.

The book hadn’t changed her own opinion towards Erin or anything, though, no, quite the opposite in fact. The woman who wrote this book just seemed so… different.. from the one she had come to know.  
She sighed deeply, putting the book down on top of the coffee table and reaching for her beer. What in the hell was she going to do?

* * *

The next day, Holtzmann walked into the lab later than usual. She was a morning person, and usually arrived about an hour earlier than Abby. She loved her friend, but she also enjoyed those quiet moments in the morning. However, she had been awake for most of the night, tossing and turning and eventually falling asleep at around four in the morning. 

So, here she was, hair messier than usual, eyes somewhat red from the lack of sleep, holding her second cup of coffee.  
  
“Good morning.” Abby said cheerfully, now looking up to stare at the blonde. “Dear god, you look awful.”

“Thank you.” Holtzmann responded, placing her backpack down on top of her desk before walking over towards Abby.

“What are you working on?” She asked, putting her hands into her pockets.

“The reverse tractor beam.”

“Cool… cool, cool, cool.” Holtzmann said, not even really looking at the equipment.

Abby returned to her work then, and the blonde decided that she would try talking to her friend about the book later. So instead she turned on some music and tried to focus on her work. It didn’t really go well, though, as she often found herself staring into the distance.

“Are you alright?” The brunette asked after about three hours, glaring at her friend. She was used to Holtzmann’s unusual behavior right now, but even for the blonde, this seemed strange. She would normally get very enthusiastic about new equipment or tools, but now she wasn’t even looking at them.

“Peachy.” She said, shrugging her shoulders and avoiding her friend’s gaze.

“Hey Abby,” Holtzmann continued then, turning around to look at the brunette. She took a deep sigh, finally gathering the courage to continue talking. “I was sorta looking online, just browsing you know, as people do, and I uh- I found that book that you wrote, with someone else and I just-“

“How did you? It's not even online, I- you know what, nevermind. I don’t want to talk about it anyways.” Abby interrupted, her voice harsher than normal. She seemed to notice, though, turning around to smile softly at her friend.

“I’m sorry Holtz, the book is just a reminder of something shitty that happened between me and Er- someone.”

The blonde returned Abby’s soft smile, now once again walking closer towards the brunette. She awkwardly cleared her throat. “Will you- do you wanna tell me what happened?”

Abby frowned. “Why do you want to know so badly?”

“No reason.” Holtzmann responded, a little too soon.

The brunette apparently didn’t notice, or pretended not to. She shook her head, walking over towards Bennie as he entered their lab. “Thank you, Bennie.” She said, her voice dripping with sarcasm, “You managed to be more than an hour late, good thing I ordered ahead.”

“If I cycle too fast I get headaches.” He responded, making the brunette roll her eyes at him.

Abby walked away, placing the bag down on top of one of the chairs and taking out her soup. “Ah no!” She said, already storming after Bennie. “Bennie, get back here you little shit!”

She returned thirty seconds later, panting as she held onto the door. “Yeah uh- I didn’t feel like soup anyways.” She said, making Holtzmann laugh out loud.

“Want to go get lunch together?” Abby asked then.

Holtzmann opened her mouth to say something, but Abby was already holding up her hand to stop her. “Unless you want to go on your usual walk or something?”

“No uh, It’s fine.” Holtzmann responded, grabbing her leather jacket as they left the lab. “Lez go.”

* * *

Erin checked her watch. 12:15. She shivered, feeling cold now that she had no coffee to warm herself up. Suddenly she remembered she still had the blonde’s yellow scarf in her purse she pulled it out, quickly wrapping it around her neck.

Where in the hell was Holtz?

Obviously, something had happened the previous day, but still, Holtz had promised to show up, and Erin had figured that she was going to keep that promise. The other woman at least owed her an explanation for why she had sprinted away from her like that. Erin had been up all night, coming up with scenario's of why Holtz had run away like she had, each one worse than the one before. Obviously, the first thing that popped into her mind was Holtzmann figuring out something about her past. So, immediately she had googled herself, something she didn’t really like to do. However, nothing even somewhat remotely related to her past had popped up. There was no way Holtzmann knew besides having read something online, or she had to have seen one of the few copies of her - their - book that was still out there. Almost impossible. So no, that wasn’t it. Still, it bothered her, and the last thing she wanted was for the blonde to know anything about that time in her life. Besides the blonde probably thinking she was weird, it just wasn’t something she liked to be reminded about.

So no, that wasn’t it. The other thing could be that Holtzmann had read some other embarrassing story about her, or maybe she had heard rumors about her from other teachers at Higgins who had worked with Erin. She was well aware of the fact that she wasn’t very popular among other professors.

Whatever it was, something about her name had made the blonde upset, and Erin demanded to know why. Even if the blonde never wanted to speak to her again after this, she just wanted to know what it was.

However, it didn’t look like Holtzmann was going to show up. So, here she was, cold and coffeeless alone on a bench in Central Park. Great..

Obviously, there could have been a last minute work emergency, or something else that needed the blonde’s attention. Obviously.

Erin checked her watch. 12:27. She sighed and decided that she should just head back to Columbia. It didn’t look as if Holtzmann was going to show up anyways.

* * *

“So.. where would ya like to go?” Holtzmann said, following Abby outside.

“We could take a cab somewhere?” The brunette suggested. “I mean, it’s a pretty slow day, we have some time.”

“Fine with me.” Holtzmann said.

“I know this place on the corner of Broadway and 113th.”

The blonde thought about it for a few seconds, then nodded. As they entered a cap and Abby told the driver the address, Holtzmann finally realized where exactly they were headed. “Hey, isn’t that close to Columbia?” She asked.

Slowly, Abby nodded. “Yeah, I think so, why?”

“Uh- I think Doctor Gorin helps out there sometimes, and I sort of need her opinion on something. Is it alright if I drop by there real quick? You can just head inside already and order.”

The brunette was clearly confused, but decided it would be better not to ask any questions. “Sure, Holtz.”

So, they headed towards the place, Holtzmann telling Abby she wanted a burger with fries as well as a hot chocolate with extra whipped cream. Abby had just nodded in response, used to the engineer’s weird eating habits by now.

“I’ll be back real soon, okay? Don’t eat any of my food if it arrives before I come back.”

“Can’t promise that.”

* * *

Holtzmann checked her watch. 12:15. She shivered, though it wasn’t because she was cold. No, she felt nervous, and her stomach felt like it was doing backflips. Erin was probably in the park right now, waiting for her. She felt guilty, but also knew that she needed to talk to Abby before she could go see Erin again. She walked up towards a man behind a coffee stall.

“Good afternoon, miss. What can I get ya?” He asked, smiling friendly at her.

“Hey there.” She said, “Can I get a black coffee please?”

The man nodded, and while she waited she walked over towards a small flower stall, getting a colorful bouquet. “Would you like a card with that as well?”

“Yeah, I would actually.” Holtzmann responded, smiling at the woman as she handed her some money. “Keep the change.” She said, then walked back towards the booth as and took the coffee from him, handing him some money as well.

She walked over towards a bench in front of the building and sat down on it. Luckily, Abby had asked her to bring her coffee after her walks so many times that she now permanently had a thermos in her backpack. She quickly poured the coffee into it, hoping it would keep it warm until Erin returned. Then, she grabbed a pen and quickly wrote something down on the note attached to the flowers.

Holtzmann walked back towards the building, now heading towards a woman behind a desk. “Hi.” She said, waving her arms to get the attention of the woman behind the computer.

“Yo. You scared me.” The woman said, clearly startled, making Holtzmann laugh in return.

“I was wondering if I could maybe get these to someone?” She held up the coffee and flowers. “She’s not here right now, but it’s supposed to be a surprise.”

The woman glared at her. “What department are you in?” She asked then.

“Oh I uh- I don’t work here, I work at the Kenneth P. Higgins Institute, over on 61st.”

“So you’re a teacher at Higgins?” She asked.

“Uh no- I’m an engineer, I work in a lab there.”

The woman was staring at her now, clearly not sure what to do. “Please, ma’am. It’s just coffee and flowers.”

The dark haired woman laughed now. “You know what, it’s cool. Follow me. But dear god, never, ever call me ma’am again. It’s Patty.”

“Nice to meet you, Patty. I’m Holtzmann.” She wiggled her eyebrows as she held out her hand for the other woman to shake.

“You’re weird.”

“Thank you.”

As they walked through the – mostly empty – hallways, the woman turned her head over her shoulder to look at her. “This is only my first week on the job, and I swear to God I will hunt yo ass down if this gets me fired.”

Holtzmann laughed. “That seems fair.”

They entered what the blonde presumed to be Erin’s office, and she wasn’t surprised to see there were no personal touches anywhere. Her desk only had one picture on top of it, and she felt herself glancing at it, even though it somehow felt like she was invading Erin’s privacy. She was surprised to see that it was a photo of her and Abby. The blonde stared at it, wondering if maybe this meant that Erin hadn’t completely given up on her old life.

“You alright?” Patty asked, snapping Holtzmann out of her thoughts.

“Yeah, sorry, I was just- nevermind.”

“Jesus Christ, just put yo stuff down so I can get the hell out of here.”  
The blonde nodded in response, now carefully putting the flowers and thermos down on top of Erin’s desk, making sure to place it in a way so that she would see the note first.

“You done?” Patty asked as the blonde walked back towards the door.

“Yeah. Thanks.”

“You’re welcome, weirdo.”

Holtzmann checked her watch. 12:27. Erin would probably be coming back anytime soon now that she realized the blonde wasn’t there, so Holtzmann quickly said goodbye to Patty before rushing back towards the diner.

* * *

“There you are!” Abby said, staring at her with an innocent smile.

“How much?” Holtzmann asked, raising an eyebrow now.

“Just a couple, I promise.” She said, holding up her hands.

Holtzmann stared at her plate, most of her fries gone by now, though luckily her burger was still untouched. “You’re lucky I already told the waitress to bring us some extra fries when I came in.”

“It’s not my fault! I got one wonton again Holtz, one!”

The blonde smirked, picking up her hamburger to take a huge bite. “Hust order fom somewhere else.” She spoke, still chewing on her burger.

“God. That is disgusting.” Abby said, turning her head away from her friend. Holtzmann, enjoying this a little too much, started chewing loudly on her food, making weird faces at her friend as she did so.

“Please, just stop. I will never touch your food again if you just stop.”

The blonde immediately swallowed her food, now grinning at her friend. “Mission accomplished then.”

Soon after that, the second place of fries appeared and the blonde moved all of the fries onto her own plate, smirking at Abby as she did so.  
Now that she was eating again, there was a silence, both of them knowing where the conversation was headed next.

“Do you really want to know?” The researcher asked, Holtzmann just nodding in response. Abby took a deep breath, picked up her fork and started playing with some of the food still left on her plate.

“Okay so, as you know, I wrote a book in college, along with my then best friend Erin. We were really close, had been since high school. With her it was just like it didn’t matter that I was weird or different, because so was she and I knew that she’d never judge me or anything. I guess Erin sort of had the same feeling towards me. So we wrote this book called Ghosts from our Pasts, which included all of our theories. It was our baby.”

She sighed deeply, now finally looking up at Holtzmann who was staring her, for once paying full attention to the conversation. “Obviously, people called us crazy, though they had been doing that for most of our lives now; Erin had it the worst, though. So it didn’t really bother me, I was more focused on proving what we had theorized about in our book, so that we could get back at them you know, prove them wrong. However, Erin she uh- she walked away.”

Holtzmann frowned. “Why’s that?”

Abby shrugged. “I don’t know, I mean, not really. I think she was just done with all of the name calling and being made fun of. Her parents probably had something to do with it as well. Anyways, I took the book down, and she never spoke to me again.”

“Shit.” The blonde said after a minute.

“Yeah well, anyways I just told you my whole sad and depressing life story so I think I deserve some of those fries.”

The blonde chuckled, now pushing the plate closer towards the researcher. “Do you know what she does now?”

Abby, not even looking up from her plate as she answered her friend's question, “No, no idea. Like I said, she walked away from me and our book, and I don’t really feel like getting in touch with her anytime soon.”

* * *

 

Erin was freezing by the time she returned to Columbia University, wrapping the scarf a little tighter around her neck to give her some extra warmth. It was almost a quarter to twelve now, meaning she still had some time before her next class started. Luckily she had brought some leftover food from yesterday so she could just eat that quietly in her office, instead of having to hang out with the other professors (especially Phil). She entered the building, looking on her phone to see if she had any new messages or emails.

“Yo lady, wait up!” Someone suddenly spoke, successfully stopping her in her tracks and making her turn on her heels.

“Uh hello, who are you?” She asked, staring at a woman who was standing next to the entrance desk.

“I’m Patty, I work here.” The woman gestured vaguely towards the desk before stepping closer to her. “Are you Erin?” She cast her gaze down towards the redhead’s bag, who now remembered that her name was on it (a lousy 1 month anniversary gift she had gotten from Phil).

“Yes, I am." She chuckled nervously as she looked down at the bag herself. "It's horrific, I know. Is there a- is there a package for me or something?”

The dark haired woman laughed. “Sorta. Somebody came by, wanted to put some flowers and shit in your office so I let them in. Hope that’s okay.”

Erin groaned then. “Was it Phil?” She asked, already seeing how he’d buy roses for her – which she didn’t even like – just to guilt her into talking to him.

“Yeah see I don’t know who the hell that is, but it was a woman so I'm guessing not.”

The physicist frowned. “What was her name?”

“Lady please, I don’t know, I’m terrible at names. All I know is that a woman came in and wanted to put flowers in your office. Can’t y’all just figure this out for yourselves?”

Erin wasn’t even listening to the other woman anymore, already walking past the hallway and into her office. She smiled as she noticed the bouquet of bright and colorful flowers sitting on top of her desk, already knowing who it was from. Nobody but the blonde could pick such an odd bouquet. Still, she loved it. Erin walked closer, now noticing there was a small note attached, as well as a thermos with what she presumed was coffee.

 **Hey Erin with an E,**  
**I’m sorry I wasn’t at the park today, something came up.**  
**Also, I’m sorry for storming off like that yesterday.**  
**I’ll explain later.**  
**Here’s number 1 of the 1 million cups of coffee I owe you.  
Hope it’s still warm when you get here.**  
**Meet me at the park tomorrow, please? I promise there will be more coffee!**

**p.s: you can keep my scarf**

**Holtz**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd love to hear what you all thought of this chapter! I promise there will be a lot of more of Holtzmann/Erin in the next chapter, but it just didn't feel right to have it in this one.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks once again for the comments and/or kudos! Seriously, they make me smile like crazy and I just love hearing all of your ideas and thoughts and opinions!
> 
> Sorry that this took a little bit longer, but I was super busy with work. 
> 
> I do hope you enjoy this chapter! 
> 
> As usual, sorry for any mistakes! 
> 
> x E

“Erin!”

“Erin come on! I know you can hear me!”

The redhead took a deep sigh before finally turning around. “Phil.” She said, glaring at him. “It’s been a long day, I just want to go home.”

He ignored her, walking closer instead. “We have to talk about this.”

She shook her head, once again turning away from him and strolling through the empty hallways of Columbia, clutching Holtz’ flowers in her hand. She had stayed longer than normal, hoping that Phil would be gone by the time she left her office. Apparently, the man did know her better than she had expected, because here they were.

“No Phil, no we don’t.” She said, feeling herself getting angrier by the second. She was done, done with talking to him, done with fighting with him, done with always feeling less than him. She was just.. done.

Phil apparently wasn’t going to give up on her so soon, grabbing her arm and forcefully turning her around before she could walk through the front doors of the building. She pulled her arm, bringing it closer to her chest. “Don’t.” She said harshly. “Seriously Phil, don’t.”

Now that Erin was facing him completely he finally noticed the flowers. “Who gave you those?” He said, gesturing towards the bouquet in her hands.

Erin followed his gaze and then pulled the flowers closer to herself as if she wanted to keep them safe from him. “A friend.” She said. “Not that it’s any of your business.”

“Uh-“ He started, “If someone is sending my girl flowers, I think I deserve to know.”

Erin laughed dryly. “See, that’s where you’re wrong.”

“I don’t deserve to know?” He asked, confused.

The physicist shook her head. “No, what I meant is that I’m not ‘your girl’. We are done, Phil.”

She turned around from him once again, but Phil still wasn’t having any of it, reaching out once again to pull her closer to him. “What do you want, Erin?” He said, sounding angrier than Erin had ever heard him, “I apologized already so stop being ridiculous.”

“I-“ She started, taken aback by his sudden aggressiveness.

“Yo!” Someone spoke then, startling both of them. Phil stepped aside, away from Erin, who now let out a breath of relief at the sight of the other woman.

“Patty.”

“You okay baby?” The other woman asked sweetly.

Erin could only nod in response, happy that someone else had stepped in. She was sure Phil wasn’t going to actually hurt her, but still, she was glad that someone else was here now.

“Good, because I’m about ready to leave.” She grabbed her purse before strolling past Phil and hooking her arm through Erin’s. “Let’s go.”

Phil stared at the two. “Where are you going? We were having a conversation.”

The two stopped, Patty now looking over her shoulder to glare at the man. “Yeah dude, listen, I wouldn’t call whatever that was a conversation. Besides, me and Erin have a girl’s night planned so we better get going.”

They walked outside then, Patty still holding onto Erin as they crossed the street, heading for the subway. “Thanks.” Erin said after a couple of minutes.

“No need to thank me, baby.”

“Where are you headed?” The redhead asked as they neared the closest subway station.

“Washington Heights. You?”

“Upper West Side.”

The other woman whistled approvingly. “Fancy.”

Erin felt herself blushing. “Yeah, I mean, I guess I was lucky. My parents they uh, we just-“

“Erin, chill. I’m not judging you or anything. It’s a nice neighborhood.”

As they walked further, an idea popped into Erin’s head. “Hey uh, Patty,” the other woman stopped immediately, both of them now standing still in the middle of the crowded subway station, people clearly annoyed as they bumped into them and walked around them, eager to get home.

“I was thinking,” Erin continued, “I know that you were just helping me before, but uh, we could go get a drink, if you’d like.”

The other woman smiled broadly. “Lead the way.”

They ended up taking the subway downtown to the Upper West Side, close to where Erin lived. The neighborhood offered many nice looking bars and restaurant, but they strolled past most of them, Erin knowing by now where to find the best place.

“Not that I’m complaining - okay maybe a little because my feet are fucking killing me - but where are you taking me?”

Erin chuckled. “There’s this bar on West 79th that’s really nice. I promise it’s worth it.”

Patty groaned as she noticed they still had to walk a couple of blocks before they’d arrive at their destination. “Yeah well, they better have tequila.”

* * *

 

“A sports bar?” Patty said as they entered the bar, walking closer towards the bar and sitting down next to each other on the stools.

“Uh Yeah.” Erin said, feeling insecure about her choice.

“No, I like it. I just didn’t think you’d be into sports.”

The redhead raised an eyebrow. “Why did you think that?”

“Uh girl-“ Patty started, laughing out loud now, “Have you seen your outfit? That tweed shit you’ve got going on don’t really scream ‘sports fan’.”

Erin stared at her. “I’ll have you know that I do own different outfits.”

“Do you? I doubt it.” Patty said, still laughing loudly.

“Hey! I do, I just think these are professional.”

“Maybe,” She spoke, then burst out into laughter again, “if you were a teacher fifty years ago.”

“Okay, okay. You know what, I have some extra clothes in my bag I believe. I’m going to take these off and I’ll be right back.”

As she stood up she turned towards the bartender, holding up her flowers. “Could you possibly hand me a vase of some kind? I don’t want them to go bad.”

The girl nodded and Erin thanked her before taking her purse and walking away from the two.

“I bet you she’s wearing another tweed suit underneath it.” Patty said, making the bartender laugh out loud as she placed the flowers in front of her.

Erin returned about five minutes later, frowning as she noticed the two empty shot glasses.

“Yeah see, I ordered tequila for us, but I didn’t actually know if you drink the stuff, so I just drank yours, it seemed the right thing to do.”

“You couldn’t have just waited until I returned to ask me?”

Patty stared at her for a full minute before finally answering. “No.” She simply said.

This time it was Erin’s turn to laugh loudly, leaning over to order a tequila shot for herself.

“You clean up nice, baby.” Patty said, having finally noticed Erin’s outfit as the other woman downed her shot.

“Nice indeed.” Someone spoke, causing the girls to turn around on their chairs.

“Holtz…”

“Holtzmann!”

Erin frowned, having noticed the difference.

“What uh- what are you doing here?” Erin asked instead, not even sure what to say to the other girl.

“Just enjoying my Tuesday night, watching the game with some friends. What about you?”

Erin just stared at the blonde, too taken aback by it all to answer. Patty laughed as she noticed the state Erin was in.

“We came to celebrate Erin dumping that asshole boyfriend of hers.”

Holtz’s eyes widened, now moving closer towards Erin. “You broke up with Phil?”

The redhead blushed, then nodded as she looked down to fidget with some of the buttons on her flannel blouse. “Yes uh, for real this time.”

“That is awesome!” Holtzmann said enthusiastically, holding up her hand for a high five. Erin hesitated for a second, wondering if she was too old to do this. “Come on Er, don’t leave me hangin’.”

The redhead rolled her eyes, then high-fived Holtzmann anyways. The blonde beamed in response, now hopping onto a barstool next to Erin.

“Next round is on me.” She said, turning to smile at the both of them.

Patty cheered, reaching over to pat Holtzmann’s upper arm. “Thank you, weirdo!”

“Wait,” Erin said, interrupting them, “So how exactly do the two of you know each other?”

“She helped me break into your office so I could put these,” she gestured towards the bouquet, “awesome flowers on your desk, plus the coffee, obviously. Can’t forget about that.”

“Right,” Erin said, “I remember now.”

Another shot of tequila was placed in front of her, and she turned towards Holtzmann, raising an eyebrow. “I thought it was coffee that you owed me?”

“I wouldn’t complain Gilbert, cuz I’m pretty sure Patty is more than happy to take that shot from you if you don’t want it.”

The dark haired woman was already reaching for the shot, but Erin pushed her hand away. “Okay, okay,” She said, “Thank you, Holtzmann.”

She lingered on the last word, staring at Holtzmann as she said her name.

“Okay, fine.” The blonde responded, holding up her hands. “So you’ve figured out my full last name. You still don’t know my first name, or what I do.”

“I’ll find out.”

“We’ll see.”

Patty interrupted then, “So how long have you two been sleeping together?”

Immediately, Holtzmann burst into laughter, while Erin almost choked on her own spit then, coughing violently. This only caused the blonde the laugh harder.

“No- we’re- I mean-“ Erin was flustered, still struggling to catch her breath after all of the coughing. Her cheeks were bright red, which seemed to make the blonde extremely happy.

Holtzmann wrapped an arm around Erin’s shoulders, smiling at her before looking over at Patty. “What my dear, sweet Erin is trying to say is that we are desperately in love and have been having a secret affair for about five years now, which is why I’m so happy she dumped that asshole. Now,” She jumped to her feet and went down on one knee, pretending to offer a ring to Erin, “Sweetheart will-“ She started, interrupted by the redhead who pulled her to her feet and onto the chair, laughing loudly.

“Stop it, Holtz.”

“Jesus Christ, y’all are weird.” Patty said, shaking her head as she stared at the two.

“No but seriously,” The blonde started, slightly more serious now, “We’re just friends, we met a couple of weeks ago. Kinda stood her up for lunch, which is why I sent her the flowers and coffee.”

“Right.” Patty said, still a little confused by all of it.

Just then, a young girl – by the looks of it, she had to be around 25 years old – walked towards them, wrapping an arm around Holtzmann’s waist from behind.

“Oh hi.” The blonde said, clearly startled. She placed her own hand on top of the other girls’ arm and carefully removed it from around her waist.

“Jay, you coming?” The young girl said now, gesturing towards a group of people in the back of the bar.

“Uh..” Holtzmann started, looking from the girl to Patty and Erin.

“Go.” Erin said, a soft smile on her face. “Your friends are probably waiting for you.”

Holtzmann returned the smile, the girl already rushing back towards the group now that Holtz wasn’t paying attention to her anymore. “I’ll talk to you later?”

“Sure.” Erin responded, then, just as Holtzmann was about to turn away from her, she reached out and took hold of her wrist. “By the way, did I just find out that your name starts with a ‘J’?

Holtzmann actually groaned then, making Erin laugh out loud. “I’m definitely ahead. I now know five things about you, while you still only know three.”

“Hey! That is not true, I found out that you spell your name with an ‘E’.”

“Right.” Erin said, suddenly reminded of the fact that there was still conversation they needed to have.

“Right.” The blonde responded simply, her cheeks a little bit red now. Then, she disappeared into the crowd and Erin returned to her conversation with Patty.

* * *

 

At around 10:30 PM, Erin felt tired and ready to go home. She and Patty had spent the last two and half hours talking about everything and nothing, and she was surprised by how easy it had been to talk to the other woman. Sure, they were very different people, but Patty was a generally nice person to talk to.

“So.” The redhead said, retrieving her flowers from the vase and walking towards the doors, “Thanks for hanging out with me tonight.”

“No need to thank me, baby. This was surprisingly fun.”

“Surprisingly?” Erin said, her voice slurring a little. She wasn’t drunk, not really, but it was more than tipsy. Luckily, she had tomorrow off, so she didn’t have to worry about showing up to work with a hangover.

“Yeah well, come on, that bowtie of yours doesn’t really scream ‘fun’.”

Erin pretended to be offended by the comment, even though she knew the other woman was right. They walked outside, not surprised to see that it was snowing again.

“Here’s my number.” Erin said, pushing one of her business cards into the other woman’s hand. “Text me when you get home.”

Patty smiled before pulling her into a crushing hug. “Will do. You at work tomorrow?”

Erin shook her head. “No, I have the day off.”

“I hate you.” Patty responded, clearly upset now that she knew she'd be the only one having to walk around with a headache the next day.

“You’ll be fine.”

They waved goodbye and now Erin was standing alone on the streets of New York, freezing to her bones. She had wrapped Holtzmann’s scarf around her neck, finding that it somehow seemed to be warmer than any other scarf she owned.

“That looks adorable on you.” Said a voice behind her, causing Erin to turn around. Holtzmann was walking towards her, hands inside the pockets of her leather jacket, her hair already covered in snowflakes.

“Holtzmann.” Erin breathed, immediately smiling as the blonde walked closer towards her. “Shouldn’t you be with your friends?”

“Nah.” The blonde responded, shaking her head, “The game was boring.”

“Your friends seem much younger than you..” Erin started.

“Are you trying to figure out how old I am?”

“Maybe.” Erin admitted, causing the blonde to laugh out loud.

“You’re evil, Erin Gilbert, and I’m not going to tell you.”

“Why?” The redhead asked, “Is it because you are as young as they are?   
Oh god, are you still in your twenties?”

Holtzmann doubled over in laughter, clutching her stomach as she tried to catch her breath. “Okay,” She finally managed to say, “I’m flattered that you’d think I’m still in my twenties, but I’m not, I just know a lot of people who are younger than me.”

“So I guess that means you are in your thirties?” Erin asked, still curious to find out. They started walking now, Erin leading them closer to where she lived. She found herself walking slower than normal, not wanting the moment to end.

“Why are you so eager to find out?”

Erin, feeling suddenly embarrassed, ducked her head down, looking at her feet instead. “I don’t- I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to pry or anything.”

Holtzmann stopped her by putting a hand on her arm. “Erin, chill. It’s alright, I was just messing with you. I’m 33.”

Erin nodded, having expected something like that. She had known before that Holtzmann was younger than her, though it was weird to know for sure there was a difference of ten years between them. They continued walking then, a silence between them.

“Whatcha thinking about?” Holtzmann said, snapping her out of her thoughts.

“Oh, nothing, just the fact that I’m ten years older than you,” She said, chuckling now. She was sure she was blushing, though she could totally blame that on the cold as well.

“Who cares? I mean Jesus Er, look at you.” Holtzmann gestured vaguely towards her body, intensifying the redhead’s blush.

“Thanks.”

“Yeah no, but really.”

The physicist awkwardly cleared her throat, desperately trying to change the subject. “Anyways,” She started, figuring they still needed to talk about this, “I think you still owe me an explanation for running off like that the other day.”

They were standing still now, and Erin gestured towards the building behind here. “I uh- I live here. We could head up and talk, if you’d like?”

Holtzmann stayed silent for a few seconds, clearly not sure what to do. Finally, she looked up to make eye contact with Erin, smiling at her now. “Sure, sounds good.”

They walked inside the building and up the three flights of stairs to where Erin’s apartment was. Obviously, they could have taken the elevator, but somehow Erin thought it would be awkward, which is why she had opted to take the stairs. She fished her keys out of her purse and opened her apartment, suddenly very happy she had forgotten to turn off her radiator when she had left this morning. Her apartment was warm and nice, and she immediately felt much better.

“It’s nice.” Holtzmann said, now standing in the middle of her living room. “Very uh, clean.”

Erin chuckled, reaching for a vase in which she could put her flowers.

“Yes, I don’t like mess.”

“I can see that.” The blonde responded, not surprised to see that there was a lack of personal touches, just like there had been in her office. It was completely different from the blonde’s own apartment, which was full of things she didn’t need, pictures everywhere on the walls.

“I do like it, it’s very.. you.” She said, slowly sitting down on top of the couch. Erin’s apartment was rather large, larger than hers at least.

“Thank you. Would you like anything to drink? I have some red wine open.”

“Yeah, sure.”

Erin disappeared into the kitchen, only to emerge two minutes later with two glasses of wine.

“Here you go.” She said, handing the glass over.

“Real quick, is this one of those places where I need to use a coaster? Because your stuff seems fancy and I don’t wanna ruin it.”

Erin grinned. “No, it’s alright. You can just put your glass down on the coffee table.”

“Good.”

There was a silence between them, Erin waiting until Holtzmann was ready to explain herself. Luckily, she didn’t have to wait very long. The blonde took a big gulp of her wine before putting it down and turning around on the couch so she could face Erin.

“So, I guess you’re still wondering why I walked away from you yesterday?”

“I wouldn’t call that walking.” Erin said.

Holtzmann chuckled. “You’ve made your point. Anyways, uh, there is a reason.”

The blonde seemed much more serious now, and suddenly Erin felt nervous.

“Okay, so I don’t really know how to tell you, because it doesn’t actually have anything to do with me, which I why I want you to know that it doesn’t change my opinion about you whatsoever. I totally still wanna be your friend, that is if you still want to, obviously.”

Holtzmann went silent then, so Erin placed a hand on top of her arm. “Just tell me.”

“OkaysoIknowaboutthebookbecauseIworkwithAbby.” The blonde said, speaking way too fast.

“Sorry.” Erin said, frowning. “What did you say?”

Holtzmann took a deep breath for repeating herself.

“I know about the book you wrote.”

“How?” Erin asked, her heart pounding rapidly in her chest.

“Because I work with Abby Yates.”

The redhead turned completely pale, putting down her glass on top of the coffee table before she could drop it. She shifted further away from Holtzmann.

“But Erin, I swear I didn’t know. She never told me anything, but I saw it once and then I saw your name on that cup and it all clicked.”

The physicist stayed silent, now standing up and pacing around the room. “Erin.” Holtzmann said, her voice laced with panic.

Erin shook her head in response, still walking around in circles. “Erin, please just talk to me.”

The physicist turned towards her, and Holtzmann noticed the tears running down her cheeks. She wanted to stand and hug the other woman, but she was pretty sure it wasn’t what Erin wanted right now.

“Please just-“ Erin finally said, her voice hoarse, “Just go, Holtzmann. I need to think about all of this.”

Holtzmann felt her heart clenching painfully in her chest, knowing there was nothing she could do right now. She nodded at the other woman, standing up from the couch and walking towards the door.

“I’m really sorry Erin, I know the whole situation is messed up, but I’d still like to be your friend. I’ll be at the park tomorrow if you want to talk.”

Erin didn’t respond, just turned away from her and walked into her bedroom.

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd love to hear what you thought about this chapter! 
> 
> Also, come talk to me on tumblr (dr-jillianholtzmann) I also accept prompts! ;)


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M BACK! YAY!
> 
> Thanks for all the comments/kudos ;) You have no idea how much it motivates me to write more, it's insane :)  
> I'm just so happy you all seem to like this story! 
> 
> I hope you will all enjoy this next chapter. 
> 
> As always, sorry for the mistakes. 
> 
> x E
> 
> (come talk to me on Tumblr, or send me prompts if you want; dr-jillianholtzmann)

_**Wednesday, 18th of January, 10:03 AM** _

Erin woke up around ten in the morning, immediately wincing when the bright sunlight hit her eyes. Shit. She should not have finished both her and Holtz’s glass of wine yesterday. Her head was pounding, and her mouth was bone-dry. Luckily, drunk Erin was a great caregiver and had placed a bottle of water and some aspirin next to the bed. She reached over and easily swallowed the pills with two sips of water. Erin turned so she could grab her phone, pretty sure the buzzing had woken her up from her deep sleep. Erin unlocked her phone, immediately noticing a large amount of new messages. About ten were from Phil – which she deleted immediately, along with his phone number – and five were from Patty. As she had requested herself, the other woman had sent her a message yesterday when she had arrived safely at home, but had apparently gotten worried when Erin hadn’t messaged back. Just as she was about to text back, her phone rang.

Patty, the screen said.

She wasn’t going to answer, but it’d be weird to ignore a call only to send a message a minute later.

“Hi.” She said, her voice sounding hoarse.

“Jesus Christ. You don’t sound so good baby.”

“I know.”

“It’s probably Karma, I have to walk around with this stupid hangover at your fancy-ass school.”

She heard patty mumble something under her breath to someone who was apparently passing by her desk, then she returned to the conversation.

“I’m so done with all of these people.”

“Why?” Erin asked, pulling herself out of the bed and into the bathroom. Apparently, she didn’t only sound like shit, she looked like it too. Her eyes were red, so she had probably cried herself to sleep last time, plus she hadn’t taken her make-up off. Great..

“Because they keep asking me dumb questions.”

“You’re a receptionist, Patty.”

“Whatever.” The other woman responded, making Erin laugh (which wasn’t so great for her headache).

“Also, your boy stopped by and asked if it would be alright to put some roses in your office-“

Erin was already groaning on the other end of the line, because of course he’d choose roses, Patty now chuckling.

“What did you do?” Erin asked.

“I put them in your office because I’m a receptionist and that’s my job.” Patty answered.

“Patty.”

“Okay, I took them from his hand and threw them in the garbage..”

A pause.

“In front of him.”

Erin was laughing out loud now, headache momentarily forgotten.

“Thanks, Patty.”

“No problem. Those were some ugly ass flowers. Also, you wanna tell me why you never responded yesterday?”

The redhead stayed quiet for a little while, suddenly reminded of the situation with Holtzmann. Not that she had forgotten or anything, no, she remembered perfectly, she had just been pushing it into the back of her mind where she could pretend the blonde hadn’t actually told her that she knew about her and Abby and the book.

“Uh, not really, is that alright? I’ll tell you later, I just need to think, I guess.”

“Yo, that’s fine baby, as long as it’s nothing too bad.”

Erin smiled. “I’m alright, I promise.”

She ended the call, quickly jumping into the shower, which always made her feel much better. Though today, it wasn’t really helping. Now that her mind was clearing up a little, and there was nobody around to distract her anymore, everything came rushing back. The conversation, the fact that the blonde knew, her face when Erin had told her to leave, all of it.

She knew she needed time to think, as much as she could get, but she also knew that the blonde was going to be at the park in just a few hours.

So Erin did what she always did, she put on her fake smile, put on her professional clothing even though she had the day off, and got ready to go to the park. She left earlier than normal, because staying at home meant being alone with her thoughts, and that wasn’t safe right now. So she left, and decided to walk. From her apartment, it was much further than usually. Not that she minded or anything. The streets of New York were as busy as always, providing her with enough distraction. Sure, she was going to see Holtzmann, but she could just tell the blonde that she didn’t want to talk about it. She had done so before, in many situations, with many people. It was just easier than having to face what was actually going on.

She was almost there, walking closer and closer, suddenly noticing that she was nervous. She stopped, willing herself to calm down. Her eyes fell on Holtzmann, sitting on the bench with her back turned towards Erin. It was just like the other day, when Phil had yelled at her, and Erin had managed to ignore it, but then the second she had seen Holtzmann the redhead broke. So here she was - once again - crying in the middle of central park, arms clutched around her own waist. Only this time, it wasn’t Phil who had upset her, but Holtzmann. Obviously, it wasn’t the blonde’s fault, but still, Erin couldn’t run towards her expecting her to comfort her after she had been so rude to her the other day. No, Holtz deserved more. She deserved the truth, and so did she.

She turned around and headed back towards her apartment, ignoring the judgmental looks of some people as she passed by them.

The rest of the day, Erin stayed at home, thankful that she still had a ton of leftovers in her fridge. She thought about Holtzmann, waiting for her on that bench, probably feeling terrible as well. She felt guilt, but also knew that it wouldn’t have been right if she had shown up today. No, she had to do this the right way.

She called Patty, who showed up around 8:30 PM with more food. She smiled and thanked the other woman, who for once not said anything about how terrible Erin looked. Instead, she walked closer and pulled her into a hug, which surprised the physicist.

“Thanks.” Erin said after she was free again, moving to sit down on the couch and wrapping herself up in her blanket again.

Patty smiled in response and moved to get some plates from Erin’s kitchen. “I didn’t know what you liked, so I just got a bit of everything.”

The redhead chuckled as she saw her plate, there was a slice of Pizza, some fries and the rest was Chinese food.

“Thank you, Patty.” She said sincerely, immediately digging in.

“So-“ Patty asked after a few bites, “Who’s ass do I need to kick?”

Erin frowned, “What do- what do you mean?”

“Girl, look at you.” The dark haired woman said. “You look like you got dumped or somethin’, and if I remember correctly, it was you who dumped him.”

The physicist smiled softly. “No, that’s not it.”

“Okay…. So you wanna tell me what it is?”

Erin nodded slowly, leaning forward so she could place her empty plate on the coffee table. “I can’t tell you any of the details, but uh- okay so here goes. A long time ago, I wrote a book with a friend. We had been working on it for a long time, but after it was released stuff got really messy and because of things I don’t really feel comfortable talking about I ended up leaving her behind. I know, I’m terrible.” She fell silent then, fidgeting with her blanket.

“Hey, I’m sure you had your reasons.” Patty said as if it was as simple as that, and Erin smiled at her in response.

“Thanks. Anyways, yesterday Holtz told me she works with the person I wrote the book with, and she kind of found out about everything. So I send her away and I was supposed to meet her at the park today, but I didn’t show up.”

“Ohhhh, I get it now. This is about Holtzmann.”

Erin blushed. “I mean, it’s about all of it, but I need your help with the Holtzmann thing.”

“Okay, so you’re mad at her, but-“

The redhead interrupted her, “I’m not mad.”

Patty frowned, clearly confused about the whole situation. “I don’t get you two.” She said then, shaking her head.

Erin grinned. “No, I mean obviously I’m not mad at her, I don’t have a reason to be mad. I’m the person who messed up all those years ago, and I’m not entirely sure how she feels about it. I mean she said that she still wants to be my friend, so that’s good, but I don’t know how much she knows. Plus, having to face Holtz means I’ll have to face my past eventually.” She sighed deeply, “and I’m not sure I’m ready for that.”

“Baby, I have a feeling that if Holtzmann says she’ll still be your friend, she means it. Besides, you can’t hide forever, it might actually be better to talk about it and confront your past.”

Patty knew there was more to Erin’s and Holtzmann’s relationship than just friendship, she had seen it last night, and she was seeing it right now. Still, it didn't feel right to intervene, and the two probably needed to work through this mess anyways.

“Just take your time.” She added, placing her hand on Erin’s knee briefly, then moving away from her and off of the couch, “Holtz will be there when you’re ready, I’m sure.”

“Thanks, Patty.” Erin said, surprised by how sweet the bold woman could be.

“No problem. I’ll see you at work tomorrow?”

Erin nodded and waved Patty goodbye, once again alone in her apartment.

* * *

 

_**Monday, 23rd of January, 11:48 AM** _

It was Monday by the time Erin finally managed to get herself together. She had tried going on Friday, but at the last moment she had changed her mind, the nerves taking over and stopping her from visiting the park during lunch. She felt guilty, knowing that Holtzmann probably wasn’t feeling great either, but she simply couldn't do it.

This time, though, she wasn’t going to chicken out at the last moment, she was going to walk to the park and see Holtzmann and they were going to talk. She walked faster than normal, glad that she had worn pants and sneakers today instead of her usual skirt and high heels. She felt much more comfortable, though the outfit was still professional enough for work in combination with the white shirt and black blazer.

She walked closer to the ice rink, feeling herself getting more nervous with each passing second. She walked the last couple of feet, now finally able to see the bench.

Nobody.

There was nobody there.

* * *

_**Wednesday, 18th of January, 11:33 AM.** _

Holtzmann was nervous. Nervous because she wasn’t sure if Erin was going to show up, nervous because she wasn’t sure what she’d say if she did. No matter what happened, this was going to make things way more complicated for the two of them. She was aware that they’d only known each other for about two weeks, and that I’d be easier to give up on the friendship and forget all about it. That way Erin could go back to ignoring her past, and Holtzmann wouldn’t have to feel guilty about hanging out with Abby’s nemesis and hiding it from her.

However, she remembered the photograph in Erin’s office, so obviously there must be some hope. Besides, something about Erin was so- extraordinary, in a way. It seemed like there was so much more than the redhead was willing to show her, the book being one of those things. While she herself might be embarrassed, Holtzmann thought it was amazing, and wondered it that Erin still existed, the one who had talked so passionately about tractor beams and had put so much work into her equations. Holtzmann really wanted to meet that Erin.

At around noon she arrived at their usual bench, ordering two cups of coffee from the small stall, close enough so she could keep an eye on the bench.

Erin never showed.

* * *

 

_**Friday, 20th of January, 12:10 PM.** _

Here she was, for the third time, on a bench in Central park, holding a cup of coffee for someone who wasn’t going to show up. She knew that Erin might need time to process, but she was also well aware that it was a possibility that Erin was never going to show up again. Maybe she had decided, like Holtzmann had only considered, that it was easier to give up on the friendship; that the risk of someone getting hurt was too big. The blonde was well aware of this herself, yet here she was.

Holding a cup of coffee for someone who wasn’t going to show up.

* * *

 

_**Monday, 23rd of January, 11:20 AM** _

“Are you really still gonna go?” Abby said, stopping her work to stare at her friend.

“Sorry?” Holtzmann asked, turning around to face Abby.

“Holtz, I know you, someone has been standing you up for lunch.”

The blonde frowned, surprised that Abby had noticed, “How do you-“

“You’ve obviously been drinking two cups of coffee instead of the limit of 1 cup a day I gave you, for safety reasons, as we both know.”

Holtzmann chuckled then, remembering how she used to drink way too much of the stuff, which usually ended in her getting too enthusiastic and blowing up the lab.

“Also,” Abby continued, “I know it’s a girl because last week you were being super annoying, dancing even more than usual, and also you couldn’t stop smiling.”

“Okay, okay.” Holtzmann said, clearly embarrassed, “You’ve proved your point.”

“Yes, so then tell me, why are you still going?”

Holtzmann sighed deeply, not really wanting to talk about it, “Honestly, I don’t know. I’m not sure I should, because I feel like she doesn’t want to see me.”

“What did you do to the poor girl?” Abby asked, already rolling her eyes.

“No!” Holtzmann said, holding up her hands, “It’s nothing like that. We’re just friends, but things are a bit complicated right now.”

“I know what complicated means with you.” The brunette said, smiling now.

“No, really, it’s different, but I guess she just doesn’t want to be my friend anymore.”

The researcher noticed that Holtzmann was clearly upset about this, and awkwardly pulled her in for a hug. “I’m sorry Holtzmann. She doesn’t know what she’s missing.”

The blonde felt herself returning the hug. “We could go get lunch together instead?” Abby suggested, pulling back to smile at her friend. She could tell that Holtzmann still hadn’t made up her mind yet, a frown on her face. “Just think about it.”

* * *

**_Monday, 23rd of January, 12:13 PM_ **

Erin had been sitting on the bench, by herself, for about twenty minutes now. Even though it had been five days since she had last spoken to the blonde, Erin still thought that she was going to be there today. Stupid, yes, but somehow Erin had been sure that when she did finally get herself together, Holtzmann would be there. Yet, here she was, alone. She looked down at her watch, realizing it was officially a quarter past twelve.

She stood, knowing that the blonde wasn’t going to show up anyways, and all she wanted to do was pretend that it didn’t hurt, but as she had learned over the last couple of days, pretending wasn’t going to help her in the end. She’d just have to get through this. If she rushed back, she could still have lunch with Patty, who always managed to cheer her up.

She looked at the ice rink one last time, before turning around and heading back towards Columbia University.

“Erin!” Somebody yelled, causing the redhead to freeze on her spot. She didn’t have to turn around to know who it was; she’d recognize that voice anywhere.

“Holtzmann.” She said, finally managing to turn around so she could see the other woman. Her cheeks were red, and she was panting a little bit.

“I’m sorry,” The blonde responded, still breathing heavily, “for being late.”

She pushed a cup of coffee into Erin’s hand, causing the other woman to raise an eyebrow as she looked at her. “Holtz, how- how did you know I was going to show up?” She said, holding up the coffee.

The blonde smiled. “I didn’t.”

Erin found herself at a loss for words, only able to imagine Holtzmann sitting here all those days, by herself, holding two cups of coffee. Slowly, she sat down, turning her body towards the blonde, who seemed to be as nervous as she was.

“I’m sorry.” They both said at the same time.

“What are you sorry for?” Erin said, a frown on her face.

“For telling you, for forcing you to remember, for showing up late with cold coffee.”

Erin chuckled. The coffee was indeed a little bit cold, but she couldn’t care less.

“Don’t be sorry.” She said, reaching over to briefly squeeze the blonde’s hand. “It’s not your fault, and I’m glad you were honest with me.”

Holtzmann smiled, clearly happy that Erin at least wasn’t upset about that. “Honestly, I just couldn’t come up with a good enough excuse.” She teased, causing Erin to nudge her shoulder.

“How are you feeling, though?” She asked then, noticing how Erin’s smile faded.

“I’m not sure.” She responded, “I mean, I thought about not showing up at all, because it would be easier. I’m sorry, that’s horrible.” She looked down at her hands and started fidgeting.

“No, no.” The blonde quickly said, “It’s not. I actually thought the same thing, especially after you hadn’t shown up for the third time on Friday. I mean Abby even told me I should just stop coming, and I almost listened to her, but I had to go just one more time.”

Erin visibly panicked at hearing the other woman’s name, Holtzmann now reaching out to touch her arm. “Don’t worry, she doesn’t know. She just noticed something was up with me.”

“I really am sorry, that you have somehow ended up in the middle of this mess, and I’m sure Abby has told you enough to hate me, so really I’d understand if you don’t want to be friends anymore.”

Holtzmann smiled softly. “Honestly, Abby hasn’t told me much, I mean she said some stuff, but I don’t know your story. Also, even if she had told me how much you suck, I like to make my own judgment.” She winked then, successfully making the other woman blush.

“Do you want to know?”

“Know what?”

“My story.”

Holtzmann could see that Erin’s wasn’t really ready to tell her, but she appreciated the gesture. “Yeah, someday. You don’t have to tell me right now, though.”

The redhead let out a breath of relief, causing Holtzmann to laugh. “Sorry.”

“I do want you to know that I loved the book, I don’t know if that makes you feel better or worse, but I want you to know that I loved it.”

“Thanks.” Erin could only say in response. “What do we do about Abby?”

Holtzmann shrugged. “Well, I don’t like lying to people, and if we want to stay friends we will have to tell her someday, I don’t really want her to figure out for herself because she will hate me forever. However, there’s no rush for now.”

“That’s good.” Erin said. She was aware that they would have to tell Abby someday soon, but at least Holtzmann was giving her time to tell her own story and figure out how she was going to apologize to Abby.

“So, now that that’s all about in the open, what exactly do you teach at Columbia? Like, it is still related to the whole…..thing.”

Erin smiled. “I’m a doctor of Particle physics.”

Holtzmann’s mouth dropped open. “That is awesome!”

“What exactly do you do at Higgins? You work with Abby right? Does she, do you guys work on-“

“Yeah,” Holtzmann said, “I’m a nuclear engineer, with a focus on applied particle physics.”

This time it was Erin’s turn to gawk at the other woman, surprised to see how much they had in common. “That is amazing, Holtz.”

The blonde felt herself smiling at Erin, suddenly remembering something else she had wanted to do in case Erin did show up eventually. “Thanks, so listen I have to go now, but do you wanna exchange numbers or something? It might make it easier to meet up?”

Erin smiled, reaching into her purse to pull out one of her business cards and place it in Holtz’s hand.

“So,” Holtzmann said, looking nervous again now that she was standing up, hands deep in her pockets, “I’ll see you tomorrow?”

Erin smiled at her. “Tomorrow.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YAY!!! HAPPY STUFF!
> 
> Hope you liked it!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Sorry for the somewhat longer wait, I got super busy over the weekend. 
> 
> Anyways, here's an update. Not as long as usual, but I do hope you'll like it! 
> 
> There's lots of fluff :) 
> 
> xx E
> 
> p.s: I decided I liked the time and date thingy I did last chapter, so that's in here as well. Please let me know if you hate that, because I'll stop doing it.

__**3 weeks later.**  
Monday, 13th of February,  **12:16 PM.**  
  
“I cannot believe you!”

Holtzmann dropped down next to Erin on the bench, leaning in to kiss her cheek as a way of greeting her, before moving back and taking a few deep breaths. She held out the coffee for Erin, smiling at the blush on the redhead’s cheeks.

“What?” She asked.

“You are so late! Again!” Erin said, pushing her sleeve back and turning her wrist towards Holtzmann so she could read the time.

“I had a busy day!”

Erin chuckled. “Holtz, if you’re too busy you can always just cancel, I don’t mind.”

“Whaaaat?” She said, turning in her seat so she could face Erin, “You do remember how I still owe you 999,982 coffees right?”

“Are you seriously keeping track?” Erin said as she raised her eyebrows.

“Are you surprised I am?”

“No.”

“Anyways,” Holtzmann said, “I just got a little bit lost working on the-“ She fell silent then, not sure if she should continue.

“Holtzmann.” Erin said, “I told you this, it’s fine to talk about your work with Abby, I don’t mind.”

“I know you told me,” the blonde responded, “I just- I feel like such a shitty person when I do.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know.” She said, shrugging her shoulders.

Erin decided it was better not to push. She had discovered that the blonde wasn’t always a big fan of talking about her own feelings, and she now easily recognized the signs when Holtzmann was done talking about something.

“That’s alright.” She said, smiling softly at her friend.

“Got any plans for today?” The engineer asked after a few minutes of silence.

“I’m up for tenure, actually, and I have a meeting later today.”

Holtzmann, who had just taken a sip of her coffee, coughed violently. Erin laughed before reaching out and patting the other woman’s back.  
“Sorry.” She said sheepishly.

“Gilbert.” Holtzmann said, coughing once more before continuing, “mind telling me why I’m only finding out about this now?”

Erin blushed. “I guess I wanted to wait a bit, I mean it was all really vague.”

The engineer squinted her eyes as she studied her friend’s face. “Are you happy about it?” She asked then.

“What?” The redhead responded, her blush intensifying. “What are you- of course- I mean, obviously I am! It’s very important, Holtzmann.” She said, sounding harsher than normal.

“Sorry.” The blonde said, holding up her hands. “I didn’t mean to upset you, I just- nevermind.”

Erin’s face softened. “No, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have lashed out like that.”

She didn’t say anything else about it, so Holtzmann figured they’d talk about it another time.

* * *

_**Friday, 17th of February,** **11:45 AM**_

“Gilbert! What in the hell are you doing?”

Erin turned around, having just been served a nice and warm cup of coffee from a stall just outside of the park.

“Holtz!” She said, stepping aside so other people could order as well. “What are you doing here?”

Holtzmann usually walked through the park instead of along the side, which made more sense since it was faster and less crowded.

“I went to see Patty, actually.”

“You were at Columbia? Why didn’t you text me?”

The blonde grinned at her. “I did.”

Erin pulled out her phone, only now noticing the messages.

 **10:30 AM**  
**Holtzmann: Hey Gilbert! Park later?**

 **10:36 AM**  
**Holtzmann: :( :(**

 **10:55 AM**  
**Holtzmann: Anyways, I’ll be there!**

 **11:15 AM**  
**Holtzmann: Patty asked me to have coffee outside of Columbia right now, so I’m there now. Permission to punch Phil in the face if I see him?**

 **11:17 AM**  
**Holtzmann: Nevermind, Patty already said I could.**

 **11:30 AM**  
**Holtzmann: You still coming later?**

 **11:35 AM**  
**Holtzmann: Patty had to get back to work so I could wait for you here?**

 **11:40 AM**  
**Holtzmann: I guess you're busy?? I’m heading to the park now!**

“I’m sorry, Holtz.” Erin said as she held up her phone, “I totally missed these, I would have loved to get coffee with you and Patty.”

“Yeah, would have been fun. Another meeting?”

Erin nodded and groaned, she was getting sick of all of these meetings, and it didn’t seem like they were anywhere close to actually giving her tenure.

“Anywaaaaays.” Holtzmann said, “Might I ask why you are getting coffee for yourself? I thought we had a deal here.” She gestured between the two of them.

Erin laughed, now hooking her arm through Holtzmann’s as they entered the park. “Yes well, you’re always late, and I really wanted coffee.”

Holtzmann pretended to be offended, momentarily freeing herself from Erin’s grip before returning to her side. “That is not true! You know who’s always late? Bennie.”

Erin frowned. “Who’s Bennie?”

“Abby’s soup guy.”

The physicist laughed out loud. “She’s still addicted to soup?”

“Unfortunately, yes. I’m guessing she always has been?”

“Well it was the only decent food our high school served, so I guess it makes sense.”

Holtzmann stopped them, turning around to stare at Erin. “Please tell me you’re not a soup freak as well.”

The redhead laughed even harder now. “No, no, trust me, I’m not. The opposite, actually, can’t even look at it anymore without getting nauseous.”

“Good. That’s good.” The blonde said, now continuing to walk alongside Erin. She realized they weren’t anywhere close to the ice skating rink.

“Wanna just walk today?”

“I’d like that.”

* * *

_**Monday, 20th of February,** **10:11 AM**_

“Holtzmann!” Abby said, waving her hands in front of her friend’s face.

“What?” The blonde said, putting her phone down, only now realizing she probably had the stupidest smile on her face.

“I take it you’re talking to the mystery woman again?”

She quickly realized denying was useless, so instead, she widened her smile. “Yeah.”

“That’s good.” Abby said, returning her friend’s smile. “I’m glad to see you happy again. Also, we’ve had no explosions over the last three weeks so that’s good.”

“Ohhhh so that’s what this is all about?” Holtzmann teased.

“Yeah well, excuse me for not wanting to die.”

The blonde laughed, moving away from her friend and continuing her work.

“When do you plan on introducing her to me? I mean, I have to make sure she treats you well.”

“Thank you, mom.” Holtzmann responded, causing Abby to glare at her. “Anyways, you’ll meet her soon, I promise. There’s just some things we have to figure out first.”

“Is she married or something?”

The blonde chuckled. “No, she isn’t, but I told you before, we’re just friends.”

Abby decided not to say anything, because apparently, the blonde wasn’t ready to admit to her yet, or maybe even to herself, but Abby knew better. She had never seen the blonde smile like that, ever, so whoever this was, she was definitely something else.

* * *

_**Thursday, 23rd of February,** **11:20 AM**_

“Good morning!” Erin said as she walked past Patty’s desk on her way to the copy room.

The other woman just groaned in response, Erin now noticing that she was absolutely soaked.

“Patty!” She said, moving closer to the other woman, “What happened to you?”

The woman raised her head, now staring at Erin with a serious expression on her face. “Oh you know, I decided to take a shower with my clothes on this morning before leaving for work.”

Erin frowned, clearly confused.

“Jesus.” Patty said, “Honestly baby, how did you not notice that it’s literally pouring outside?”

The redhead walked away from the desk, now moving closer to the window. Patty had been right; rain was coming down hard outside.

“Yeah, you see what I’m talking about? Your stupid boss made me go get coffee for him.”

Erin laughed, though she was aware that Patty probably felt really horrible. “Do you have an extra set of clothes?”

“Do I look like the person who brings an extra set of clothes to work?”

The redhead squinted her eyes before answering. “No.”

“There’s your answer.”

Erin wanted to continue talking to Patty, because she honestly felt really bad for her friend, but she really needed to get this done before her lunch break started.

She quickly made copies before returning to her office, she had a few minutes left before she needed to get to the park. Oh, wait. That probably wasn’t going to happen either, was it? She groaned then, before pulling out her phone.

 _11:33 AM_  
_Erin Gilbert: Hey Holtz… Shall we just reschedule for tomorrow?_

 **11:34 AM**  
**Holtzmann: Whaaaaat?!?!?!? Erin Gilbert, you are not canceling on me two days in a row!**

 _11:34 AM_  
_Erin Gilbert: I take it you haven’t looked outside either since you walked in this morning?_

 **11:37 AM**  
**Holtzmann: Shit.**

 _11:38 AM_  
_Erin Gilbert: Yes, you could say that. Anyways, tomorrow?_

The redhead was surprised when the blonde didn’t text her back, though she figured she and Abby had probably made plans to have lunch together now that their usual ‘park date’ fell through. Unfortunately, she didn’t bring anything today, so she’d have to have lunch with her colleagues. Patty had informed her that she left to get changed during her break, so she would have to make awkward chit-chat with the other professors today.

Just as she closed the door of her office, her phone buzzed.

 **11:57 AM**  
**Holtzmann: Are you having lunch with your stupid colleagues?**

 _11:57 AM_  
_Erin Gilbert: I was just about to, why?_

 **11:58 AM**  
**Holtzmann: Come outside.**

 _11:58 AM_  
_Erin Gilbert: Holtz, it’s raining._

 **12:00 PM**  
**Holtzmann: I’m well aware, just come outside.**

Erin turned back into her office to grab her coat – along with Holtz’s yellow scarf – and an umbrella before walked towards the exit of the building. She stepped outside, immediately thankful that she had brought the umbrella.

The physicist squinted her eyes, not able to see much due to the rain.

“Erin!” Someone yelled, causing the redhead to turn her head. She noticed a cab, from which Holtzmann had now emerged. Immediately, she rushed over.

“Holtzmann what are you doing?” She said, pushing against the other woman’s arm. “Get back into the cab or you’ll get soaked.”

“Yeah, it’s a little too late for that.” Holtzmann said, gesturing towards her clothes. As they entered the cab, Erin noticed that the blonde’s clothes were soaking wet indeed, and her hair – which was also wet – was down.

“What happened?” Erin said, using her hand to wipe some of the water from the blonde’s forehead.

“Yeah see, I thought it would be fun to get a cab and invite you to lunch, but for some reason these assholes didn’t want to stop for me.”

“Hey!” The cab driver said.

“Not you buddy.” Holtzmann said, patting the man’s shoulder and giving him an address before turning back towards Erin.

“They didn’t want to stop for the crazy looking woman standing outside in the rain holding a bag with a sticker that says ‘danger’? How odd?” Erin teased.

“Shut up.” Holtzmann responded, shivering now.

“I thought you didn’t get cold?” Erin asked.

“Yeah well, I’ll have you know that everything, and I mean everything, is soaking wet. You should probably give me credit for not dying right now.”

Erin chuckled, removing the yellow scarf from around her neck and wrapping it around Holtz’s. The blonde smiled in return. “It’s still yours.”

“I know, but you can borrow it.”

They stopped at a small café that Erin had never been to. Erin pulled Holtzmann to her side as she held the umbrella above them, even though the blonde argued that she was ‘already soaked anyway and would probably only get Erin wet too’.

They entered, and a few of the wait staff greeted Holtzmann personally, which seemed odd to her. They got a seat in the far end of the café, away from most people, which was nice. Holtzmann then excused herself to the bathroom, leaving Erin alone in the booth.

“Hello.” Someone said, greeting her.

“Oh hi!”

“Would you like to order?” The waiter asked.

“Oh uh, I’m sorry. I would like a hot chocolate, but I don’t know what my friend wants.”

“You mean Jillian?” The waiter asked, “I’ll bring her one as well, with some extra whipped cream.”

Erin smiled at the waiter, crossing her arms in front of her chest as she waited for Holtzmann to return.

She was already sipping on her own hot chocolate when the engineer returned. She had changed into some dry clothes, but her hair still down. “Thank you, thank you, thank you!” She said as she noticed the hot chocolate, immediately taking a large sip of it.

“You are very welcome, Jillian.”

The blonde groaned. “No.. who told you?”

Erin gestured towards one of the waiters.

“I’m going to kill him.”

“You don’t like your name?” Erin asked, more serious now.

Holtzmann took another sip of her hot chocolate before answering. “No, it’s not that. I like it, I just prefer Holtz or Holtzmann. Plus, I was having a lot of fun with hiding it from you.”

Erin actually laughed at that. “I like your name, but I’ll stick with Holtzmann for now.”

Holtzmann smiled in return, clearly thankful that Erin wasn’t going to start calling her Jillian from now on.

“Anyways, how do they know you?” Erin asked after a couple of minutes.

Suddenly, Holtzmann blushed. “I guess I used to come on dates here very often, it’s kinda one of those places.”

“Oh.” Erin said in response, not sure what to do with that information. She took a large sip of her hot chocolate – suddenly wishing it was beer – before gathering the courage to ask her.

“Is this a date?”

The blonde almost choked on her drink again, coughing a couple of times before opening her mouth to speak.

“You know what?” Erin said before she got the chance to say anything, “Nevermind. I’m sorry, Holtz.” She moved to get out of her seat.

Quickly, Holtzmann reached out to touch Erin’s hand, stopping her. “No, wait.” The redhead looked at her, moving back into her seat again, well aware of how red her cheeks were.

“What I wanted to say was that yeah, it can be, if you want it to be.”

The physicist ducked her head down, successfully avoiding Holtzmann’s stare. “Is it bad that I sort of want it to be?” Erin said, her voice softer than normal.

The blonde squeezed her hand, finally getting Erin to look up at her. As she made eye contact with her friend she noticed that Holtzmann was beaming at her. “Not bad at all, I would like it to be too.”

“But?” Erin asked, because she had a feeling there was a but.

“But it’s not.” The blonde responded, and Erin felt her heart clenching painfully in her chest.

“Ah fuck.” Holtzmann said, realizing how that must have sounded, “Shit, I’m sorry Erin, please ignore my stupidity. I mean that this isn’t a date, because I don’t wanna take you to some dumb stupid place where I’ve taken other girls and make it seem like you don’t matter to me. Because you do. I would love to take you out on a proper date."

Erin smiled softly at the blonde.

“Did I totally mess that up?” The engineer asked, unsure of what Erin was thinking.

“No, you didn’t. I’d like that.”

Holtzmann smiled at her in response before pulling her hand away from Erin’s and wrapping it around her mug. They sat in silence for a few seconds before she spoke. “This doesn’t mean we won’t still have lunch together at the park, does it?”

Erin laughed. “No! Of course not! Who else is going to buy me coffee?”

“Exactly.” Holtzmann said. “Honestly, though, and I’m sorry if this offends you because I totally don’t mean it bad, I thought you were straight?”

“It’s the bowties isn’t it?” Erin asked, causing the blonde to laugh out loud. She smiled too, proud of her own joke.

“They did have something to do with it, yeah.” Holtzmann said.

“I figured. No, but I guess it’s just that I don’t like telling people. It’s not that I’m ashamed or anything, but my parents have never been supportive. I know I shouldn’t care about that, but I really do. I guess, being bisexual, it was just easier to date men. At least that way I wouldn’t have to worry about my parents hating me. I’m sorry, I know it must sound really stupid.”

Holtzmann smiled at her. “It doesn't, but you have dated women before?”

“Nothing too serious, but yes.”

“Cool.” Holtzmann only said in response. She knew this was another hard thing for Erin to talk about, so she decided not to push any further.

“I guess I should tell you my story, though, about me and Abby.”

“I don’t want to pressure you, at all, or make you do anything you don’t want to do, honestly Erin-“

Erin interrupted her, putting her hand on top of Holtzmann’s to silence her before speaking. “It’s fine Holtz, I know. How about we go out tomorrow night and talk about it?”

The engineer smiled in return. “I’d really like that.”

“Me too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know if you liked it/hated it and what you would like to see next! :)


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! I'm back! 
> 
> As always, a huge thank you to everybody who comments/reads this/leaves kudos. It's the absolute best! 
> 
> This chapter is pretty long, but it doesn't include the whole date. I had to split it up because 1) It was getting too long and 2) some shit needs to happen in the next chapter and it will all make sense when you read that :)
> 
> I hope you like this chapter!
> 
> Sorry for any mistakes :) 
> 
> xx E

**Friday, 24th of February, 10:02 AM**  
  
“Hey baby, you wanna have lunch together today or are you gonna meet Holtzy at the park?”

Erin smiled at her friend as she leaned on the receptionist’s desk. “I’m going to the park, sorry.”

“No, that’s cool.”

“You could come along if you’d like?” Erin offered, smiling softly at her friend.

“And do what? Stare at you freaks while you’re basically drooling all over each other? No thanks.”

Erin laughed out loud before leaning forward so she could lightly slap Patty’s shoulder. “We don’t do that.”

“Uh yeah baby, you do. I was at the bar, remember? Y’all stared at each other like you were gonna have sex right there. As much as I love the both of you, I don’t wanna be anywhere near that.”

Normally, Erin would have brushed Patty off with a comment about them being just friends, but this time she just ducked her head as she felt her cheeks heating up.

“Good lord.” Patty said as she studied her friend’s face.

“What?!” Erin asked, looking up to make eye contact with Patty, who was now leaning forward to make sure nobody else could hear them.

“Y’all had sex, didn’t you?”

“No!” Erin quickly said, shaking her head frantically.

Patty just raised an eyebrow, clearly not believing her.

“I’m serious Patty.”

“Then what happened? Because clearly, something happened.” She said while she continued glaring at her friend, trying to get her to tell the truth.

“Well, if you really want to know,” Erin said, feeling her blush only intensifying, “we are going on a date tonight.”

“Oh my god!” Patty said, a bit too loud. Quickly, Erin shushed her, already noticing how some of the students were looking at them.

“Not the whole school needs to know.”

“Sorry baby, I’m just really happy for you.” Patty said, her voice softer than normal and a friendly smile on her face.

This took the physicist by surprise. She and Patty were great friends, though their personalities were quite different from each other. Patty was fierce and loud, the complete opposite of Erin. Which is why the physicist was so taken aback by her friend’s sweet response.

“Thank you, Patty. That’s really nice.”

Patty’s phone buzzed then, catching Erin’s attention as she automatically looked down at the screen. Her gaze only lingered on the phone for a second, but it was long enough to notice the name ‘Holtzy’.

The dark haired woman smiled at her phone as she read the message before putting it away and turning her attention back towards Erin.

“Anyways,” Erin said, “I need to get back to work, I have a class starting at 10:30 and then after that, I’m heading towards the park. We’ll talk later?”

“Of course baby, good luck.”

“You too, oh and if you want to talk to Holtz about the date, that’s fine. I know you’re probably dying to talk to her.” Erin said.

Patty chuckled and nodded, before waving her friend goodbye as she disappeared into the hallways of the school.

As soon as Erin was gone, Patty picked up her phone, smiling as she read the messages once more.

 **10:12 AM**  
**Holtzy: PATTY! ME AND ERIN ARE GOING ON A DATE!**

 **10:12 AM**  
**Holtzy: FOR REAL THIS TIME.**

 **10:12 AM**  
**Holtzy: oh my god Patty what do I do, where do I take her, what do I wear??!!?!? YOU GOTTA HELP ME.**

 **10:15 AM**  
**Holtzy: ANSWER ME WOMAN.**

 **10:16 AM**  
**Holtzy: you are useless, I’m calling Abby.**

Patty dialed Holtzmann’s number, who picked up after it rang only two times.

“Text me your address. I’m coming over after lunch.”

* * *

 

  **Friday, 24th of February, 12:10 PM**

“There you are!” Erin said as she noticed the blonde walking towards her, a big smile on her face.

“Hey, gorgeous.” Holtzmann responded, sitting down next to Erin on the bench and handing over the cup of coffee before leaning in to kiss her cheek. “It’s warm this time, I promise.

Erin chuckled, wrapping her cold hands around the cup. “Thank you, Holtz.”

A silence fell between them, and suddenly Erin felt a bit awkward. This was weird right? Meeting like this while they had a date planned for the same evening? She felt nervous, had been feeling nervous all day actually, and it seemed to be getting worse by the second.

“So, what did you do today?” Erin asked, glad that she had at least managed to ask something.

“I actually have the day off so… nothing much.”

“Oh.” Erin responded, and once again a silence fell between them.

“Although,” The blonde said, her voice light and teasing, “I do have plans tonight.” She said as she winked at Erin.

The redhead ducked her head, trying to hide her blush from the younger woman. “Oh really?” She asked, playing along, “What kind of plans?”

“Well, if you really want to know, I have a date.”

Erin pretended to be surprised, her hand on her chest as she stared at Holtz. “What? A date? You didn’t even tell me about this.”

“Yeah well,” The blonde said, shrugging her shoulders, “She’s not that special.”

Erin slapped the engineer’s shoulder. “Hey!” She said.

“Ouch. Sorry.” Holtzmann responded as she rubbed her shoulder. “Mental note: don’t piss Erin off, she’s stronger than you think.”

Erin smiled at that, leaning back into the bench and taking sips of her coffee.

“No really, though,” Holtzmann said after a few minutes of silence, “I’m really looking forward to it.”

“Me too.” Erin responded, turning to face Holtzmann. “This feels weird, though, doesn’t it?”

The blonde grinned. “You nervous?”

“No!” The physicist responded, even though she was sure Holtz could see right through her lie. “A little, yes.”

“Awwwwhh.” Holtzmann said, wrapping an arm around Erin’s shoulders and pulling her in for a sideways hug. “Doctor Gilbert is nervous for a date. With me!”

“Holtz.” Erin deadpanned, turning her head to glare at her friend. “I can still cancel; you know that right?”

“Okay, okay.” The blonde said, holding up her hands and shifting away from Erin. “I’ll stop, I promise. It’s just so much fun.” She actually pouted then, and Erin had to admit it looked kind of cute.

“Yes well, save the fun for tonight, okay? I have to get back to work now, finish some things up so I can leave early.”

Holtzmann nodded, gathering her own stuff as she reached for Erin’s empty cup and threw it in the trash along with hers. “Yeah I’m meeting Patty at my apartment so I have to go too.”

Erin chuckled, not surprised that the two were hanging out before their date.

“That sounds like fun.”

The blonde grinned. “I think she’s more excited about this date than the two of us combined are.”

“I’m fairly sure you’re right about that.”

“Anyways,” Holtzmann said, putting her hands into her pockets, suddenly nervous as well, “I’ll uh-I’ll pick you up at seven?”

“Sounds good.”

* * *

 

**Friday, 24th of February, 06:15 PM**

“Oh my god.” Holtzmann said as she looked at her own reflection in the mirror. “I can’t wear this.”

“Yeah no okay, I see it now.” Patty said, already looking through the blonde’s closet for a new outfit that she could wear.

Holtzmann's phone vibrated and she reached for it, smiling as she noticed the messages from her friend.

 **06:17 PM**  
**Abby: God, that is horrible, definitely not that one.**

Even though she hadn’t been able to see Abby today (which really wasn’t a bad thing now that she couldn’t tell her the whole truth), she had texted her and told her that she was, in fact, having a date later today with the ‘mysterious park lady’.

 **06:18 PM**  
**Abby: Why don’t you try on the suit?**

The blonde smiled then, having forgotten all about the outfit. She had bought it for a convention that she and Abby went to last year, but after that she had just put it away, pretty sure she was never going to wear it again.

“Did Erin just send you something?”

“What?” Holtzmann asked, “No, why?”

“Because you got that weird smile on your face that you get when she texts you.”

The blonde grinned before shaking her head. “First of all, that doesn’t happen, second of all it was Abby who just gave me a great idea for an outfit.”

“Cool.” Patty said, before stepping away from the closet to stare at Holtz. “Okay, so I gotta ask this, what’s your plan?”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m talking about Abby, you idiot. What are you gonna to do about that?”

“Oh.” Holtzmann said, suddenly understanding what her friend was talking about, “I’m not avoiding the conversation if that’s what you mean. I know I need to tell her, and I will, I guess I just sort of wanted to wait till after the date.”

Patty nodded. “You want to make sure there’s something worth telling her?”

“Yeah, I guess. I mean I really like Erin, and I’m sure it will be amazing, but I don’t want to put that kind of pressure on our date.”

The dark haired woman smiled at her. “I get it, Holtzy. Now, show me that suit of yours.”

Holtzmann grinned in return, walking over towards her closet and finding the suit tucked away in the back. Quickly, she disappeared into the bathroom to change. When she emerged, Patty was sitting on her bed, mouth hanging open. “Yeah, that’ll do.”

* * *

 

**February, 24th of February, 06:55 PM**

Erin is sitting on her couch, dressed in a red dress with off the shoulder short sleeves, the skirt ending just above her knees. She wouldn’t have picked this dress because it was really fancy, but Holtz had texted her to dress fancy, as well as bring comfortable and warm clothes, so that’s what she did.

She had curled her hair, something which she didn’t do very often, but she did admit she liked how it looked. Her makeup wasn’t much more than usual, deciding to keep it simple, but adding some red lipstick to match her dress.

She had sent a photo to Patty a few minutes ago, to which she had apparently just replied, as her phone vibrated in her hand.

 **06:57 PM**  
**Patty: baby, you look hot!!! Holtzy’s going to pass out when she sees you! (i’m not kidding, that girl will lose her shit)**

 **06:57 PM**  
**Patty: so are you btw, when you see her. man, I almost considered just going on that date with her myself.**

She replied to the other woman, thanking her for her sweet words and saying that she was really looking forward to seeing Holtzmann. Apparently, someone had been listening, because a second later the doorbell rang.

She pulled her phone out again, this time sending a quick message to Holtz saying that she would be right there.

To her surprise, it’s not Holtz, but a man standing downstairs. She frowned, wondering if he is here to see someone else. He must have sensed her uncertainty, though, because suddenly he steps forward and holds out his hand. “Erin?” He asked, and she nodded, shaking his hand.

“I’m Kevin, Holtzmann’s friend and chauffeur for tonight. I’m here to take you somewhere else.”

Erin felt herself staring at the car, it’s beautiful, and even though she knows little about cars she knows enough to know that it’s expensive. “Is this her car?” She asked as Kevin helped her into the back seat.

“Yeah,” He responded, “She’s pretty rich. Didn’t you know?”

Erin shook her head, clearly, she still didn’t know a lot about the blonde.

“A lot of people don’t know, actually. She doesn’t like to talk about it or anything.”

The physicist smiled. “That seems like her.”

They’re in the car only for about ten minutes, finally stopping in front of a place that looks like a restaurant. She’s not sure, though, because it’s dark mostly dark inside. Erin peered through the window of the car before leaning forward so she can look at Kevin.

“Are you sure this is the right place?”

He checked his phone one more time before turning towards Erin and smiling broadly at her. “Yep. I’m sure. Holtzmann made me drive from your house to here three times this afternoon to make sure I would get it right.”

“Okay then.” Erin said, getting out of the car and making sure to get her bag of clothing as well. “Thank you, Kevin.”

“You’re welcome, Erin. I’ll see you later.”

She smiled at him one last time before walking up to the restaurant. Even now that she’s standing right in front of it, the place still looks closed. She placed her hand on the door and pushed, and surprisingly, it opened. Now that she’s inside she realizes that the lights are in fact on, they’re just dimmed. Plus, the curtains in front of the windows make it look like the place is closed. Which it technically sort of is. There’s nobody there, not even any waiters or bartenders. The place is completely empty.

“Holtzmann?” She called out tentatively. “Are you going to murder me?”

She can hear someone laughing from the back of the restaurant and slowly makes her way over there. As she walks closer, she notices how there’s one table in the back of the restaurant, surrounded by candles. Soft music is playing around her and she’s so taken aback that she doesn’t even notice how Holtzmann appears from behind the bar.

“Erin.” She said, making the other woman turn around to face her. She gasps as soon as her eyes land on the blonde. “You look beautiful.” The Holtzmann said, her voice soft.

“Holtz-“ Erin responded, not even sure what to say. The engineer is dressed in a black suit, along with a white blouse and black bowtie. Her hair is hanging loose, curls resting on top of her shoulder. She is, much like Erin herself, wearing red lipstick. “You look amazing.” She finally managed to say.

“Thank you.” Holtzmann responded, before shooting Erin one of her winks as she holds out her chair for her. “Please, take a seat.”

Erin smiled at the blonde as she did as she was told. “What is all of this?” She asked as soon as Holtzmann was sitting down as well.

“This is an Italian restaurant.” The engineer simply replied, making Erin roll her eyes at her.

“You know what I mean Holtz. I’m assuming it isn’t always this empty?”

The blonde laughed. “No, I guess it’s not.”

“So you just rented the place for the night?”

“Something like that.”

“Holtzmann.” Erin said, glaring at her.

“Okay, okay. Well, as you know, I’m an engineer. But before I used to work with Abby I worked for the government, did some pretty intense assignments, which I’m not really allowed to talk about. Anyways, it paid well, plus the Mayor does me favors from time to time.”

Erin smiled at her, now raising an eyebrow. “Like taking over an entire restaurant?”

“Yeah, though I don’t normally do any of this. However, like I said, I wanted to do this the right way. Plus, we have some things to talk about, and I figured some privacy would be nice.”

The physicist was sure she was blushing by now, glad that the lights were dimmed so it at least wouldn’t be too obvious.

“Why did you quit? The job, I mean.” Erin asked. “You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to to.” She quickly added.

Holtzmann smiled, reaching over to take Erin’s hand in her own. “It’s alright, Erin. Don’t worry. I just quit because I wanted something different. I mean, it was great and everything, but I felt really lonely most of the time. I ran into Abby by accident really, and once we started talking we realized how much we had in common. I quit my job and started working with her in the lab a week later. It’s been amazing.”

“That’s wonderful, Holtz.”

“Thanks.”

The food arrived then, Holtzmann apparently having ordered almost everything that was on the menu (in smaller portions, though).

“Wow, Holtz. It looks amazing.”

“Hope it tastes as good.”

They talk about a lot of things during dinner, Holtzmann’s past, her job, her friendship with Abby. Erin talks about Columbia, and Patty, and a little bit about how she found out she was bisexual during a party she attended with Abby in college.

“That is one hell of a story, Gilbert.” Holtzmann said, still laughing and now leaning back into her chair as she takes sips of her wine.

The redhead just smiled back at her. She knows now is probably the right time to talk about it, since they’ve been talking about Abby anyways, and she really doesn’t want Holtz to have to ask her.

“I think I’m ready to tell you.” She started, putting her own glass down and watching as the blonde does the same thing.

“You sure?”

“Yes.” Erin said, nodding slowly and once again taking Holtzmann’s hand in her own. “Just, please-“ She just started, already feeling herself getting emotional.

“Hey!” Holtzmann said, squeezing Erin’s hand. “Don’t worry. I’m not going to hate you, okay. Just tell me, please.”

Erin looked up to make eye contact with the blonde, instantly feeling much better.

“Okay so, when I was younger, I was bullied pretty bad. It started when my neighbor passed away, she was this grumpy old woman who lived next doors. I never liked her. Anyways, after she died I kind of started seeing her, as a ghost, I mean. She appeared next to my bed, and just stood there. Staring at me, watching me sleep. That went on for a really long time. Eventually, the kids at school found out and started teasing me, calling me ‘ghost girl’ and things like that.”

“And your parents?” Holtzmann asked.

Erin shook her head. “They never believed me, still don’t actually. I felt so terrible, for such a long time, until I met Abby. She was so different from any of the other kids, we clicked instantly. We became best friends in high school, which was when we started talking about the book. More as a joke, obviously, because we were too young and didn’t know enough. However, during college, we began to learn more, and we finally decided to write the book. During all of this time people mostly ignored us, I mean there were some things, but it was nothing compared to what I had already been through.”

The redhead paused, taking a deep breath before pushing herself to continue. “Anyways, the book came out, and that’s when everything changed for me. The whole ‘ghost girl’ situation came back, people made fun of us, even fellow researchers of the paranormal complained, because of the lack of evidence. Which I now get, obviously, but at that time it crushed my heart. I wasn’t sure why I was doing it anymore. My parents found out too, I hadn’t told them yet, but someone else told them and they freaked out. Then, a week later, they found out that I was bisexual as well, which is when they threatened to stop paying for MIT and basically disown me.”

“Jesus Er, that's terrible.” Holtzmann said, not even sure what else she could say right now.

“Yes, so I didn’t have anyone to go to, obviously I could have asked Abby, but I was just so lost. I did the only thing I knew how to do, I ran. I moved back home, studied from there, and let my parents take control over my life. I was going to go back to Abby, fix everything, but my parents practically got me a job at Columbia as soon as I graduated, they know people there so it made sense. I never-“ She noticed she was crying, tears falling down her cheeks and onto the table, “I never looked back, and I still regret that decision. But I’m not strong, I’m not strong like Abby, like you, I couldn’t- I can’t-“

The blonde stood up from her chair and walked to the other side to where Erin was sitting. She pulled the other woman up from her chair and into her arms, holding her tightly. “It’s okay, Erin. It’s okay.”

The redhead shook her head. “It’s not. I’m awful. It was such a selfish decision to leave Abby behind, but I just couldn’t do it.”

Holtzmann only held her tighter, her hand stroking Erin’s back. “Erin.” She softly spoke, “I don’t hate you, at all. I wonder, though, why didn’t you go back after a couple of years?”

It stayed silent for a few seconds until Erin finally answered. “I tried. Once. I think it as a year later. I was already at Columbia, though I was still living with my parents. I went to see her at her place. I tried explaining it to her, but it just sounded wrong, and she kicked me out. I don’t hate her for it, she had every right. She made it very clear that she never wanted to see me again, and I figured I at least owed her that.”

The two of them stayed silent, wrapped up in each other’s arms for what felt like hours. Eventually, Holtzmann pulled back to smile at Erin. “It’s alright, Erin. I’m glad you told me.”

Erin returned Holtz’s smile. “You don’t hate me?”

The blonde chuckled as she shook her head. “Of course not, I could never hate you.”

She reached out to wipe some of the tears from Erin's face, smiling when the physicist leaned into her touch and smiled softly.

"Thank you, Holtzmann. For everything."

The blonde returned Erin's smile. "No need to thank me, Erin."

Somehow in the back of her mind, Holtzmann thought that maybe, just maybe, if the two of them actually just talked about all of this, they could get it figured out and they could be friends again. However, she was sure Erin wasn’t ready to hear it. For now, this was enough.

Suddenly Kevin walked inside, staring at the two girls still holding onto each other. “Sorry to interrupt.” He said, “But we should leave soon.”

Holtzmann looked at the time and nodded. “He’s right. Did you bring those other clothes I asked you to bring?”

Erin gestured towards her bag of clothing, which Holtzmann now grabbed as she dragged her through the restaurant and towards the bathroom. “Go get changed, Gilbert. We’re leaving in five minutes.”

The redhead, who seemed to have calmed down a bit, smiled at the blonde. “Where are we going, Holtz?”

“The park.” Holtzmann replied simply. “I figured we’ve spend enough time staring at that damn ice skating rink, it’s about time we get on the ice ourselves.”

Erin actually laughed, because of course Holtzmann would choose something like that, so thoughtful and strange and romantic at the same time. “Doesn’t it close at 4:30 in the afternoon, though?”

The blonde wiggles her eyebrows before smiling at Erin. “Like I said, the Mayor owes me some favors.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked it! Make sure to tell what parts you liked/didn't like ;)


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All of you were being so nice, you totally deserved another update! 
> 
> Like I said, comments really motivate me to write faster ;)
> 
> Besides, I felt shitty just leaving it like that, in the middle of their date. 
> 
> Do let me know what you think about this next chapter! 
> 
> xx E
> 
> as usual, sorry for the mistakes!

_**Friday, 24th of February, 09:11 PM** _

“Holtz.”

“Yeah?”

“It’s so dark.” Erin said, squeezing Holtzmann’s hand a little bit tighter as they walked through the park together. Kevin had dropped them off as close as he could, but they still had to walk a small distance towards the ice rink.

“Don’t worry, we’re almost there.”

Erin just nodded, even though she was aware that the blonde couldn’t see it. She trusted her, willing to let Holtzmann take control of the situation. She was glad that she had listened to the blonde and brought comfortable clothes, along with the yellow scarf which was wrapped comfortably around her neck. The engineer had gotten her a matching yellow hat and gloves as well (which looked kind of ridiculous, but it was Holtz’s and that made it ten thousand times better).

Suddenly, Holtzmann stopped, causing Erin to awkwardly bump into her. “Hey!” She said, “a warning would have been nice.”

The engineer ignored her, pulling on her arm instead and gesturing towards the rink. All of the sudden, it lit up. Not the usual, harsh lighting, no, actual Christmas lights that were wrapped around the lamp posts and the rest of the rink. The place looked magical.

“Holtz-“ She started, once again not sure what to say.

“Do you like it? I figured it was a bit more romantic than those stupid lights they’ve got.”

Erin turned to smile at Holtzmann, aware of how they were still holding hands, had been for quite some time now. “I love it. Although, I am a bit surprised.”

Holtzmann frowned. “Why’s that?”

“Well, I never thought you would be this romantic, to be honest.”

The blonde grinned at her. “I have my moments.”

Erin smiled as well. “You do realize you’ve set the bar really high for the second date right?”

Holtzmann’s mouth dropped open, now staring at Erin with her eyebrows raised. Suddenly, Erin realized what she had just said. “Oh no. I take it back; I take it back.”

The blonde was actually beaming now, pulling her in for a quick hug before staring at her. “Erin Gilbert wants to go on a second date with me!” She said, before throwing her arms up in the air.

“Oh my god, I regret this already.”

“No, you don’t.”

Erin felt her cheeks heating up, which apparently Holtzmann noticed because she took Erin’s hand in hers again and dragged her towards the ice rink.

“You ready, Gilbert?”

The redhead accepted the pair of skates Holtzmann handed over to her before sitting down on a bench to put them on. “Uh- to be honest, it’s been super long since I’ve done this, and I was never really good at it.”

Somehow, it only made Holtzmann more enthusiastic, holding open the gate and helping Erin up. “I’ll teach you!”

The redhead put both of her hands into Holtz’s before carefully stepping onto the ice, being careful not to fall down right away.

“See, this is good!” The younger woman said, clearly very enthusiastic. Erin just glared at her, now freeing one of her hands to take hold of the railing, hoping it would help to steady her.

Slowly, they made their way around the ice, Holtzmann never letting go of Erin as she sort of awkwardly walked on the ice, instead of actually gliding over it.

“Er, as adorable as I think it is what you’re doing, you need to let go a little.” She said while she smiled at her friend. “Come on, you can trust me, I’ll catch you if you fall.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

Erin let go of the railing, one hand free now while the other was still holding onto Holtzmann. The blonde skated around her until she was standing in front of Erin. “What are you doing?” Erin asked, clearly panicked.

“Chill. I’m just gonna help you.”

The engineer grabbed Erin’s other hand before she started skating backward, showing Erin what she should do with her legs in order to glide over the ice. The redhead tried to somehow copy what Holtzmann was doing, which was going relatively well.

“Wooo!” Holtz said, letting go of Erin to show her enthusiasm. Erin, however, had not been expecting that, and was now falling forward and onto Holtz.

“Holtzmann!” She squealed, grasping at the engineer’s upper arms in an attempt to stay upright.

“Hey, hey. I got you.” The blonde said, just barely managing to keep both herself and Erin in an upright position.

“Sorry.” Erin said sheepishly.

“Nah, that was totally my fault. I shouldn’t have let go of you like that.”

They tried again, and this time Erin didn’t fall, actually managing to make the right movement in order to glide over the ice. The proud smile on the blonde’s face made her heart beat even faster in her chest. Holtzmann slowly let go of her and moved back to stand next to her, wrapping an arm around her waist. “You good?”

Erin nodded, Holtzmann now moving away from her a little bit so she could hold her hand in hers. “Wanna try skating together?”

“Yeah.”

They somehow managed to not fall down, mostly due to the fact that Holtzmann was excellent on skates and balanced the both of them as they went in circles around the ice.

“It’s so nice and quiet.”

“Yeah.” Holtzmann responded.

They were taking a break, leaning on the railing and staring at the Christmas lights and the dark park around them.

“I’m really having a great time, thank you, Holtz.” Erin said.

The blonde was beaming back at her. “You’re welcome, Er.”

Kevin walked up to them, a big smile on his face and two coffee cups in his arms. “Ladies.” He said, pushing the cups closer to them. “Your coffee order?”

Holtzmann smiled at him. “Thanks, Kevin.”

She took the cups from his hands before taking one of them and handing it over to Erin.

“Only 999,979 to go.” The physicist said as she thanked Kevin and wrapped her arm around the cup.

Holtzmann raised her eyebrows. “Now look who’s keeping track.”

Erin just rolled her eyes in response, quickly bringing the cup up to her lips to hide her smile from Holtzmann. “Shut it, Holtz.”

Kevin left them alone again, the two girls now enjoying the silence while they stand on the ice, sipping their coffee. While on previous dates Erin had always been afraid of quiet moments like this, with Holtzmann it was actually kind of nice. It didn't feel awkward whatsoever, and she felt at ease with the blonde by her side. The engineer’s arm was resting behind her back on the railing, softly stroking Erin’s back. She’s pretty sure Holtz doesn’t even know she’s doing it, which somehow makes it even sweeter.

They finish their coffee, Holtzmann skating away from her for a brief moment to throw them away before returning to Erin’s side.

“Holtz, if you want you can skate by yourself for a little while, I can manage. I mean, you’re clearly very good and you must be bored like this.”

“Nonsense!” Holtzmann says, already taking hold of Erin’s hand again, “I love this! Plus, I’m not trusting you not to fall on your pretty ass without me holding you up.”

Erin pretended to be offended, but then burst out laughing herself. “Yeah no, I can’t even sell that. I’m terrible.”

The blonde laughed out loud as well, dragging Erin along with her.

As fun as it was, eventually, Holtzmann announced that it’s time for them to leave because it’s getting pretty late already and she promised to the mayor that they would be gone by 10:30. It’s almost 11.

They walk towards the edge of the park, where Kevin is waiting for them again. “Had fun?” He asked.

Erin and Holtzmann stare at each other before turning towards him and nodding and the same time. They entered the car, both of them in the backseat because they realize this evening is almost over, and they want to spend every last second together. After a few short minutes, they arrived at Erin’s apartment, and Holtzmann gets out of the car as well because ‘anything could happen between here and the door of your apartment’. Erin just chuckled in response.

They entered Erin’s building, once again opting to take the stairs, this time simply because it takes longer. She can tell that Holtzmann is nervous, shifting on her feet, her hands buried deep into her pockets. Erin’s nervous too.

“Holtz-“

“Erin-“

They both say at the same time.

“No, you go first.” Holtzmann said, gesturing towards the redhead.

“I just- I just wanted to say that I had a really good time.”

“Yeah, me too.”

“And I know that we were just joking before, but I would really like that second date.” Erin admitted, finally getting Holtzmann to actually make eye contact with her.

“You would?” She said, her voice softer than Erin was used to.

“Yes, of course. This was amazing, Holtzmann.”

The blonde was smiling at her, looking a lot less nervous now that she was sure Erin really had had a great time. “I would like a second date too, just so you know.”

Erin’s mimicked Holtz’s enthusiastic cheer from earlier, throwing her hands in the air just like Holtz had done before. “Jillian Holtzmann wants to go on a second date with me!”

Holtzmann doubled over in laughter. “Oh my god, Er.” She said, still trying to catch her breath. “Don’t ever do that again, you’ll kill me.”

Erin was laughing too, now reaching out to pull Holtzmann in for a hug. The blonde immediately wrapped her own arms around Erin, holding her close to her own body. Their laughter faded away, both suddenly aware of what the other was thinking about.

The physicist pulled away from the embrace, but only enough so she could make eye contact with the younger woman. Her gaze moved from her eyes down to her lips and back up, not sure if the blonde wanted this as well. She leaned in then, closing her eyes when her lips were about to touch Holtzmann’s. Nothing happened.

“Erin.” Holtzmann said.

Immediately, Erin opened her eyes and pulled away from the blonde, who still had her own eyes closed but opened them now that she felt Erin had moved away. She noticed the look of hurt on the redhead’s face and smiled warmly at her.

“Hey, don’t get me wrong.” She said, taking Erin’s hand in hers. “I really, really want to kiss you right now, but-.”

“Then kiss me.” Erin said, causing the blonde to chuckle.

“Don’t tempt me.”

“Er.” Holtzmann simply said, and immediately Erin realized what was going on.

“This is about Abby, isn’t it?” She asked.

The engineer nodded. “Don’t get mad, okay. I just- I want to tell her before something actually happens, if that’s alright with you.”

Erin placed her hand under the blonde’s chin, making the younger woman look at her. “I understand, Holtz. I do.”

The blonde let out a sigh of relief. “Thanks. I could tell her on Monday if that’s fine with you.”

Erin nodded. “That’s perfect. I was actually wondering, though, would you like it if I came with you? I mean, I feel horrible letting you do this, it’s not your fault that you’ve ended up in the middle of this mess, plus I think it would only be right if we tell it together.”

The blonde was clearly happy to hear this. “Really? You’d do that?”

“Of course I would, Holtz.”

Holtzmann’s smile only widened, now leaning in to kiss Erin’s cheek before stepping away from her. “I really have to go now, or else I’m gonna kiss you. I’ll see you on Monday?”

“I’ll see you on Monday.”

Holtzmann winked at her one last time before turning around and walking away from Erin.

* * *

 

**_Saturday, 25th of February, 10:45 AM_ **

“Oh my god!”

“Patty calm down, you’re screaming.”

“Baby, how the hell am I supposed to stay calm after hearing this story?!” Patty said, pacing around Erin’s apartment.

Erin just smiled at her friend. She knew Patty would most likely be enthusiastic after hearing about their date, but she hadn’t expected her to be this excited. “I mean, I sort of knew what y’all were gonna do, Holtz told me some stuff. But I had no idea she was gonna be so romantic.”

The redhead chuckled. “I was surprised too, actually.”

Patty seemed to calm down a little bit, now sitting down next to Erin on the couch. “What’s next?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean are you lovebirds gonna go on another date?”

Erin blushed. “Yes, I mean we both said that we really wanted to. We’re going to talk to Abby first, though, so we’ll see how that goes.”

“Are you scared?” The other woman asked, more serious now.

“A little, yes. I mean I know that me and Holtz can make our own decision regarding who we date, but Holtz and Abby are really close, and she really cares about what Abby thinks. I don’t want her to go out with me if it will make her miserable.”

“I get it.” Patty responded. “But I think you’ll be fine. You just gotta be honest with her.”

“Yeah, we will.”

Patty chuckled then, which caused Erin to frown. As she looked over she noticed that Patty was texting someone else.

“Is that Holtzmann?”

“No!” Patty said, holding up her hands. “Erin, I’ll have ya know that I have tons of friends who text me.”

Erin just glared at her.

“Okay, so it’s Holtz.”

“You are a terrible liar.”

“Some would say it’s a good quality.” The other woman argued.

Erin laughed before trying to reach for the phone. “Can I read?”

Patty immediately moved the device away from Erin. “Noooooo. Holtzy would kill me.”

The redhead actually pouted then, still staring at Patty when she did.

“Yeah baby, that stuff might work on Holtz, but not on me.”

The dark haired woman laughed once more, glancing down at the phone in her hands. Erin rolled her eyes before surprising Patty by throwing herself on top of her and taking the phone from her hands. Immediately she opened the chat between Holtzmann and Patty, reading the last message Holtz had sent her.

 **10:50 AM**  
**Holtzy: Pattycakes, I’m telling you, it was amazing**

She quickly typed a reply.

 _10:51 AM_  
_Patty: Really Holtzmann? What exactly was so amazing about it?_

It stayed silent for about two minutes, Patty finally having stopped trying to fight Erin, now peering over her shoulder and chuckling as she read the message Erin had sent.

 **10:53 AM**  
**Holtzy: oh just you know, she looked AMAZING, and I mean like she was super cute and adorable.**

 **10:53 AM**  
**Holtzy: though I must say, she’s horrible on skates.**

 **10:53 AM**  
**Holtzy:** **i had to help her the whole time.**

 **10:54 AM**  
**Holtzy: which was super annoying.**

 **10:54 AM**  
**Holtzy: also, she totally didn’t wanna kiss me goodnight, and I mean like.. I’m obviously irresistible.**

Erin rolled her eyes before typing a reply of her own. Next to her, Patty was laughing loudly, clearly amused.

 _10:55 AM_  
_Patty: …… How did you know?_

 **10:56 AM**  
**Holtzy: my sweet, sweet Erin. first of all, Patty would never call me Holtzmann in a text, she doesn't have time to type all of that. Second of all, correct grammar? really? thirdly, I knew she was coming to your place.**

Erin was smiling too now, because really she should have known that Holtzmann would see right through her.

 _10:57 AM_  
_Patty: Okay, okay. You’ve made your point. I’ll let you get back to your actual conversation with Patty then._

 **10:58 AM**  
**Holtzy: <3**

She and Patty continued their conversation, but eventually, Patty had to leave because apparently, Holtz was dying to talk to her too. In person.

* * *

 

**_Saturday, 25th of February, 07:20 PM_ **

Abby opened her door and immediately pulled Holtzmann in for a hug.

“Hey, you!” She said as she let go of the younger woman and let her into her apartment. “How are you?”

Holtzmann placed the bag of take-out food on Abby’s coffee table before moving into the kitchen to grab some plates for the both of them. Having dinner with Abby on Saturday was becoming sort of a regular thing, and today was no different.

“I’m great, what about you?”

“Good.” Abby said, totally brushing her off as she leaned forward on the couch and watched as Holtzmann put their food onto the plates. “But let’s talk about you. How was your date with park lady?”

Holtzmann chuckled, not surprised that her friend was eager to know. Abby was always a bit overprotective, especially now that the blonde was being more mysterious about it. “It was amazing.” She said, and then she told the story like she had told it to Patty this afternoon, obviously leaving out Erin’s name.

“Wow.” Abby said after Holtzmann had finished talking and their plates were empty. “I didn’t know you had it in you.”

“Why does everyone say that?” Holtzmann responded though she couldn’t help but smile as she stared at her friend’s face.

“I’m sorry,” Abby said, although she knew she hadn’t actually offended the blonde, “it sounds like she’s really special, though, Holtz.”

The blonde smiled shyly. “She is.”

“So, when am I going to get to meet her?”

The blonde leaned back into the couch, trying not to show how nervous she was already feeling. It wasn’t even Monday yet and she was already anxious. “Yeah uh, we were actually talking about that and I was wondering if it would be cool if I bring her to the lab on Monday to introduce her? I’ll pick her up just before lunch and then we can hang out a bit.”

Abby smiled. “Sounds good. I can’t wait to meet her.”

The girls ended up watching cheesy movies for the rest of the time before Holtzmann eventually said goodbye to Abby and went home, promising the other woman she’d see her on Monday, along with her ‘park lady’.

* * *

 

**_Monday, 27th of February, 11:30 AM_ **

Erin walked out of her office and towards Patty’s desk, noticing how her stomach felt like it was making backflips the entire time. She was nauseous as well, which wasn’t great.

“Hey.” Patty said as she noticed Erin. “It’s going to be alright.”

“I don’t know.” Erin said, less sure about their plan than she had been before. “I’m so scared, Patty.”

“Don’t be, baby. No matter what happens, I know the two of you will figure this out.”

Erin nodded. “Yeah, I guess you’re right.”

Patty smiled at her. “Just go to the park okay, the two of you can talk about it there.”

“Okay, Patty. I’ll see you later?”

“Sure baby, good luck. Call me if there’s anything.”

* * *

 

_**Monday, 27th of February, 12:13 PM** _

Erin was sitting on their bench, by herself. They had agreed to meet at the park at around 11:45, making sure they’d have enough time to get to Higgins and talk to Abby before Erin had to get back to Columbia to teach her next class at 1. However, Holtz wasn’t there yet.

She stared at her phone, once again checking to make sure she hadn’t missed any new messages.

 _11:47 AM_  
_Erin Gilbert: I’m waiting! Are you almost here?_

 _11:55 AM_  
_Erin Gilbert: Holtz, where are you? We’re gonna be late._

 _12:01 PM_  
_Erin Gilbert: Why are you not picking up?_

 _12:05 PM_  
_Erin Gilbert: Are you backing out?_

 _12:10 PM_  
_Erin Gilbert: I get it, okay, I’m scared too. But please just talk to me about this, we can figure this out._

So apparently there were no new messages, and Holtzmann hadn’t read any of them either, as far as she could see. She dialed Patty, who picked up immediately.

“What’s up?” The other woman asked.

“She’s not here yet.”

“For real?”

Erin nodded, then realized that Patty couldn’t actually see her. “Yeah, and I’ve tried texting her but she hasn’t answered. Did she say anything to you about being scared on Saturday?”

“No, really. She didn’t say anything about that.”

“Okay, and after that?”

It stayed silent for a few seconds before Patty finally spoke again. Her voice sounded somewhat strained. “Baby, she hasn’t texted me anything since Saturday.”

“What?!” Erin immediately said, not sure if she should be worried or angry. “Why is she doing this?”

“Relax. I’m gonna try calling her, okay?”

Patty called her back only about thirty seconds later, and Erin knew what that meant. “She didn’t pick up?”

“It went straight to voicemail.”

Erin stayed silent, her heart now pounding rapidly in her chest. “I don’t know what to do, Patty.”

“Listen, Erin, I’m sure she has a good reason for not being there. It sucks, but maybe you should just come back and wait for her to call you?”

Erin shook her head. “No, no I can’t. It doesn’t feel like Holtzmann. I’m going over there.”

“What?!” Patty responded. “Erin, you can’t do that.”

“Get someone to take over my class.”

Before the other woman could say anything else, Erin had already ended the call and was making her way over towards the Kenneth P. Higgins Institute.

* * *

 

**_Monday, 27th of February, 12:40 PM_ **

She had taken a cab, now rushing inside of the building, walking up towards the front desk and showing her Columbia school pass before asking to see either Abigail Yates or Jillian Holtzmann. The woman wanted to say something, but Erin just brushed her off and said that it was an emergency. The young blonde, clearly taken aback, just vaguely gestured towards a hallway towards the right. Eventually, at the end of the hallway, she found the lab.

She pushed the doors open, more nervous than she had ever been, but not stopping now. Holtzmann wasn’t backing out, and neither was she. They had to tell Abby, and if the blonde wasn't going to do it, she'd just have to do it herself.

The lab was empty, as far as she could see, though she did hear somebody messing around with something in the back. “Hello? Holtzmann?” she called out.

“I don’t have time right now!” Someone yelled back, and she froze immediately. It wasn’t Holtzmann who had called out, but Abby. Suddenly, she wasn’t so sure anymore. Maybe this was a mistake, maybe Holtz would hate her forever for showing up like this, maybe she was in the park currently, waiting for her. Just as she was about to walk away, Abby stepped into view.

“Erin?” She said, her eyes wide. She looked like she hadn’t slept in days.

“Hi.” She responded, awkwardly waving at her friend.

“What are- Why are- How do you-“ Abby didn’t even know what to say, so surprised to see Erin Gilbert, _the_  Erin Gilbert, standing there in the middle of her lab.

“Where’s Holtzmann?” Erin asked then, because she wasn’t sure what else to say, and she just really needed the blonde here right now to help her out.

Abby was staring at her, noticing the somewhat panicked look on her face and the yellow scarf wrapped around her neck. Suddenly, everything fell into place. Holtz, the park, the fact that she didn’t want to tell her, the questions about the book, everything was so clear now. “You’re the girl.” She said, her voice soft.

“Yeah.” Erin responded.

The look on Abby’s face changed then, and Erin thought she saw something that looked like worry, and then she was running around the lab again. For the first time, Erin noticed how she was carrying a bag, Holtzmann’s bag.

“Abby.” The redhead said. “What’s going on?”

The brunette stopped and glared at her friend. “I uh-“

“Please, okay, I know you hate me, and you have every right to hate me, but I really care about Holtz. What’s going on?”

Abby took a deep sigh before moving to stand in front of Erin, actually looking at her now.

“Holtzmann was in a car accident two days ago.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry! Please don't hate me! I promise everything will be alright! 
> 
> Come talk to me/yell at me on Tumblr: dr-jillianholtzmann


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YES! SO SOON! 
> 
> I really felt bad for leaving it like that, so here I am, at 3am, posting this chapter for all of you. 
> 
> I hope you'll all hate me a little bit less after this. 
> 
> I just want to say, I don't know a lot of medical stuff (as you can clearly tell) and I'm obviously getting a lot of things wrong. I apologize for that. 
> 
> Also, sorry for the grammar mistakes. 
> 
> xx E

Erin stared at her friend, realizing she had turned completely pale. She felt like she was going pass out, blindly searching around her for something to hold onto. She ended up leaning on what she assumed was Holtzmann’s desk, based on the mess on top of it.

"Is she-?" She said, unable to finish the sentence as she felt tears streaming down her face.

"She's alive."

Erin let out a long and shaky breath; at least Holtzmann was still breathing. "What uh- what happened?"

Abby was clearly confused, she had never seen Erin this upset. Not once during all of the bullying has she ever seen her crying like this.

Instead of answering, the brunette walked towards the door, still carrying Holtz's bag.

"Wait." Erin said, rushing over towards the researcher. "Please, Abby. I just-" she angrily wiped her own tears away before continuing. "I just want to know if she's okay. I really, really care about her."

Abby stared at her, managing a soft smile before walking through the door, still holding it open. "I know. Come on, I'll take you to the hospital."

Immediately Erin jumped up, following Abby out of the door. "Thank you."

* * *

 

"It happened after she left my place on Saturday," Abby said after they had been sitting in the cab for a few short minutes. Erin stayed silent, but turned towards the brunette to let her know she was listening. "She always sends me something when she arrives at home, always. However, this time she didn’t, and I had this terrible feeling that something was wrong. That's when the hospital called me. Holtz had listed me as her emergency contact. They told me that another cab had crashed into hers, right where Holtzmann was sitting."

Erin's breath hitched in her throat, once again unable to stop the tears from falling down.

"I uh," Abby paused, struggling to find the right words, "she was in surgery when I got there, and they wouldn't tell me much more than I already knew because I'm not family."

The researcher was clearly still annoyed about it, shaking her head as she stared out the window. "Anyways, they finally agreed to let me see her after a couple of hours. Doctors said she got pretty lucky. She had a collapsed lung, and she was bleeding internally. The were able to stop it so she's stable now. Also, she's got pretty bad bruises all over her body, especially around her ribs."

Erin swallowed hard, taking it all in. She realized that it could have been way, way worse, but that didn’t really make her feel much better. "Has she been awake yet?"

The other woman shook her head. "No, she's on pretty heavy pain medication."

"That's good. She needs to rest."

They were silent again, both thinking about Holtzmann. Suddenly Erin's phone buzzed and she remembered that she had promised to keep Patty updated. The woman must be worried sick.

"Is it alright if I call Patty? She's a friend of Holtz and I promised I'd let her know once I knew what was going on."

Abby nodded as they exited the cab and entered the hospital. "Yeah, I know her, Holtz mentioned her a couple of times. Call her."

"Thanks. I'll see you in a sec."

* * *

 

Patty was just as shocked about the news as she was, even more so because Erin was crying the whole time during the conversation.

“Baby, don’t worry.” Patty said, her own voice sounding a bit croaky, like she was on the brink of crying herself. “Holtzy’s going to be fine, she’s the strongest person I know. Trust me, that girl is going to be up and annoying us again in no-time.”

Erin managed a small smile. “I hope so.”

“I’m coming over, okay? I got someone to look after the desk, as well as your classes for the rest of the day, plus tomorrow.”

“Thanks, Patty. I’ll see you soon.”

* * *

 

She entered the hospital, where Abby was (surprisingly) still waiting for her by the front desk.

“You didn’t have to do that.” Erin said as she walked up to her.

“I know, but this place is like a maze. Trust me, I know.”

“Thanks.”

The other woman didn’t respond, instead just guided them through a number of hallways until they finally stopped in front of a door. A doctor exited the room just as they were about to enter.

“Doctor Yates.” He said, staring at the other woman. “Back again?”

She held up the bag to show him, “I just had to get some clothes for Holtz, she’ll probably want them when she starts feeling better.”

The man crossed his arms in front of his chest, moving his gaze between the two women. “You do realize visiting hours already ended for today?”

“You do realize I’m going in there anyways?” She just answered and the man shook his head before finally smiling at her. “And who is this?”

Erin smiled, now holding out her hand for the man to shake. “I’m Doctor Erin Gilbert.”

“Good to meet you, what is your relation to the patient? Are you family?”

Suddenly, Erin wasn’t sure what to say, her cheeks heating up as she avoided his gaze. “She’s a friend of Holtzmann. Just let us in, please.”

The doctor smiled softly before gesturing towards some of the seats in the hallway. “You can go in about ten minutes, okay? The nurses just need to check her vitals and make sure everything is alright”

Both girls nodded before moving to sit down in the, extremely uncomfortable, chairs. Erin wasn’t sure what to say, or if she should say anything at all. She was so scared, afraid of how she was going to react when she would see Holtzmann lying in her hospital bed, covered in bruises.

“Don’t be scared.” Abby said as if she was reading her mind. The other woman had always been able to tell exactly what Erin was thinking, and it looked like that at least hadn’t changed.

“Thanks.” She responded, now looking down at her hands before speaking again. “Abby,” She started, and the brunette immediately sensed where she was going with this, “I just wanted to say-“

“No.” The brunette said, cutting her off, “Not now, not here. This is about Holtzmann, okay? I don’t want to talk about it.”

Erin just nodded in response.

“Erin!” Someone suddenly yelled out from the end of the hallway, causing the girls to look up. Patty was storming through the hallways, chased by a couple of nurses who were clearly trying to stop her.

“It’s okay,” Erin said to them, “She’s with us.”

Finally, the nurses disappeared and Patty immediately pulled Erin towards her and into her arms. “I’m here. It’s okay.” She said as she held her closely. “How is our girl doing?”

The physicist shook her head. “I don’t know; we haven’t been in yet. They asked us to wait a little.”

Patty seemed to remember then that there was somebody else as well, now pulling away from Erin and looking at Abby. “I’m Patty.” She said as she held out her hand, “I work with Erin, and I’m a friend of Holtzy’s.”

Abby nodded, shaking the other woman’s hand. “I know, Holtzmann’s told me. I’m Abby.”

The two exchanged friendly smiles, before turning around when the door of Holtzmann’s room was pulled open once again. “You can go see her now.” A nurse said, holding the door open for them. Abby entered first, followed by Erin and then Patty, who had brought a bouquet of flowers, which she immediately put down on a small table in the corner.

Erin stood still in the middle of the room, staring at the bed in which Holtzmann was laying. She couldn’t stop the tears from falling down, breathing heavily as she placed her hand over her mouth. The blonde had cuts all over her face. Nothing too bad from what she could see, besides a small cut above her eyebrow, but it just- it terrified Erin, and all she wanted was to take over her pain and make it all better. But she couldn’t, there was nothing she could do except be there for her friend. She walked over, taking Holtzmann’s hand in her and squeezing softly. She knew Holtz most likely wouldn’t notice, but still, it felt nice. “I’m here.” She said quietly.

Patty walked closer towards her, putting an arm around her shoulders and staring down at their friend. Abby had stayed in the back of the room, giving the others some privacy. “That scar is gonna make her look like a total badass.” Patty said, gesturing towards the cut above the blonde’s eyebrow. Erin chuckled, leaning against her friend, still holding Holtzmann’s hand.

“When do they think she’ll wake up?” Erin asked, turning around to look at Abby. The brunette walked closer then, towards the other side of the blonde’s bed, sitting down in one of the chairs that she had obviously placed there herself earlier.

“Probably tomorrow, maybe Wednesday. It depends on how she’s doing. For now, they thought it was best to keep her unconscious.”

Erin nodded, gently squeezing Holtzmann’s hand. “Do you think she’s in pain?”

Patty smiled softly. “No baby, I bet you she’s dreaming about your pretty ass right now.”

The redhead chuckled, noticing how Abby smiled a little as well. They turned towards her then, Erin raising an eyebrow as she stared at the brunette.

“I mean,” Abby said, “That does sound like her.”

They all laughed then, feeling some of the tension fading away. “Can I stay here tonight? I could go home, get some stuff and come back later.” The redhead asked then, stepping away from the engineer so that Patty could have some time alone with her as well.

Abby shook her head. “They don’t allow it; you have to be family.” The brunette could see the disappointment on Erin’s face, her own response had been quite similar actually, when the doctors had told her she couldn’t stay with Holtz. “Tonight they’re going to do some tests, but uh, visiting hours start again at 7 tomorrow morning.”

Erin smiled at that. “Great. I’m guessing that’s when you’ll be here?”

The researcher nodded.

“Okay uh,” Erin said, looking down as she started fidgeting with some of the buttons of her coat, “At around what time will you most likely be leaving? Because then I can come right after that?”

Abby raised an eyebrow as she stared at the other woman. “Erin. I told you, this is not about us, this is about Holtzmann. She’d want the both of us here.”

The redhead let out a breath of relief, not expecting Abby to be okay with that. “Thanks.”

“I’m not doing it for you.”

“I know, but thank you anyways.”

They stayed a little bit longer, until the doctor finally managed to drag them out of Holtzmann’s room.

* * *

 

**_Tuesday, 28th of February, 06:50 AM_ **

“Good morning.” Abby said as she noticed Erin walking up to her, holding a cup of coffee in her hands.

“Good morning.” Erin muttered back.

“Didn’t sleep well?”

“Not at all, actually. What about you?”

Abby smiled softly, understanding what the other woman was going through. “I haven’t slept more than four hours since Saturday evening.”

They entered the hospital, greeting some nurses and doctors and they made their way over towards the blonde’s room. “Is Patty not coming this morning?”

Erin shook her head. “No, she uh, she had to work. But she’ll be here later probably.”

The brunette nodded. “She told me she’s a receptionist at Columbia.”

“Yeah.”

“I’m guessing that means you still work there?” Abby asked, making it clear that she wasn’t actually interested.

“Yes, I teach theoretical physics.”

The brunette was surprised, not having expected Erin to teach something so related to the work she and Holtzmann were doing in their lab. She tried not to show it, though, instead turning her head away and taking another sip of her coffee. “That’s nice.” She simply said, noticing Holtzmann’s doctor in front of her door and turning her attention to him.

“Good morning, Doctor Yates, Doctor Gilbert.” The same man from yesterday said as he met them in front of Holtz’s door.

“What a surprise to see you here.” He teased.

“Good morning, Doctor Montgomery.” Abby said, smiling at the man. “How is she?”

The man smiled back at them. “She’s doing really well, actually. We’re giving her less medication, in the hopes that she’ll wake up so that we can talk to her, see how she’s doing.”

Erin and Abby looked at each other, both happy with the news. “That is great, thank you, doctor.” Erin said.

“You’re welcome, she could wake up any moment now, so…” He left then, gesturing towards the door before leaving Abby and Erin alone, who immediately stormed into the room, both sitting down next to Holtzmann, each woman holding one of the blonde's hands into their own.

* * *

Apparently, Holtzmann didn’t really feel like waking up yet. It had been about an hour, and nothing had happened yet.

“Typical.” Abby said as she chuckled. They had been silent the whole time, not wanting to miss anything.

“What?” Erin asked, not taking her eyes away from the blonde’s face.

“She’s always so annoying in the morning.” Abby responded, “Honestly, she’ll be up at like five and send me about a hundred messages full of new ideas she has, and then when she arrives at 7:30 she’s jumping around the place. It always annoys me.” She stared at her friend’s sleeping face. “Now I miss it.”

The physicist chuckled, wanting to say something but then her stomach growled loudly. Erin groaned, she had completely forgotten to eat something this morning.

“You should get something to eat.” Abby said, “There’s a vending machine on the second floor.”

Erin wasn’t sure what to do, she didn’t really want to leave Holtzmann alone, but she also realized she needed to eat something or she was going to pass out and end up in this goddamn hospital herself. “Yeah, okay. I guess you’re right. I’ll be back soon.”

Now Abby was alone with Holtzmann, still holding onto her hand. “Are you gonna wake up anytime soon for me?” She asked, softly stroking the other woman’s hand.

As if Holtzmann had heard her, the blonde was suddenly moving, gently squeezing Abby’s hand in return. “I don’t know,” She said, her mouth dry and her voice hoarse, “I’m pretty comfortable right here.”

“Holtzmann.” Abby said, letting go of her hand and standing up. She reached for the button to call a nurse, but Holtzmann shook her head.

“Wait.” She said, looking around her room and feeling the pain in her chest. “Tell me what happened first.”

The brunette reached for a cup of water, helping Holtzmann drink something through the straw before sitting down. “I don’t know how much you remember, but you were in a cab, on your way back home from my place, and another cab crashed into yours. You uh, you had some internal bleeding and a collapsed long, but besides that mostly a lot of bruises.”

“My chest hurts like shit.”

Abby stood up once again, but Holtzmann reached out before she could press the call button. “Abby, what day is it?” She asked, turning a bit pale now.

“It’s Tuesday, you’ve been here since Saturday night.”

“Oh no.” Holtzmann said, looking even worse now.

“What is it? Are you okay? Does something hurt?”

The blonde shook her head. “No. I mean, yes, everything hurts, but uh- I need my phone. I need to call someone.”

Abby was shaking her head, reaching for her own phone to send Erin a text. They had exchanged numbers yesterday, for emergency use only obviously, and was now sending a quick text to the physicist, telling her that Holtz was awake. “No, she’s uh, she’s here.”

Holtzmann frowned, clearly not understanding what was happening right now. Just then, Erin practically threw the door open and burst into the room. “Holtzmann, you're awake!.” She said, panting heavily.

The blonde’s eyes widened, her gaze moving between her two friends. “What- How- I don’t-“

Erin smiled, making her way over towards Holtzmann and leaning over to kiss her on her cheek, just like the blonde had done to her many times before. “Take it easy, Holtz.”

Erin said down, smiling when the blonde automatically reached for her hand to hold. “I uh, I got a bit worried when you didn’t text me back, and I was also super mad because I totally thought you were abandoning our plan. So when you didn’t show up I went to Higgins. I found Abby, she figured it out and then told me what happened. She brought be here yesterday.”

Holtzmann smiled. “You were here yesterday?”

“Yes, and so was Patty. Who I should probably call right now.”

“Patty was here too?” The blonde’s eyes lit up then, making Abby laugh.

“Yeah, and she said she thought you looked like a total badass with all those cuts and bruises.”

The blonde grinned. “I totally do.”

“How are you feeling, though?” Abby asked then, making Holtzmann turn around to face her.

“Like I got hit by a car.”

Erin rolled her eyes. “Holtzmann, seriously. How bad is it?”

“I’m alright.”

“You’re not.” Both Abby and Erin said at the same time, causing the blonde to laugh a little. Which actually, fuck, really hurt a lot. What in the hell had happened to her ribs?

“Awwwww, look at you two.” The engineer said, immediately realizing she shouldn’t have said that. Erin clearly panicked, now looking down at their hands.

“Well,” Abby said, breaking the tension, “I’m gonna go call a doctor, because you need some medicine and some proper rest. Maybe later we can all have a chat about what this,” She gestured between the three of them, “Means.”

“Sounds good.” Erin said.

“Yeah,” Holtzmann responded, “Let’s do that. I think we have a lot we need to talk about.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd love to hear your opinion!


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everybody! 
> 
> I hope you all had a good weekend :) 
> 
> As promised, I'm back with chapter 10. (nice and long yay) 
> 
> Now, I must say, the last part of this chapter includes a lot of stuff that is directly from the movie, but it had to be included because:
> 
> 1) I like it  
> 2) It had to be there in the story  
> 3) I wanted to add a small twist here, but needed this part in order for it to make sense
> 
> I hope you will all like it, though! It's still a little different obviously :) 
> 
> As always, thanks for all the comments/kudos! it's amazing! 
> 
> Sorry for the mistakes :) 
> 
> xx E

_**Tuesday, 28th of February, 12:32 PM** _

“Holtzy!”

“Patty-cakes!”

Patty stormed into the room, pushing both Abby, Erin and a nurse out of the way as she walked over towards the blonde and leaned forward to hug her. It didn’t really work, though, and Holtzmann groaned as the other woman pressed against her ribs. However, she still managed to hug the other woman back with one arm.

“You’re crushing Holtzmann.” Erin said, worried as ever.

“Sorry, sorry.” The other woman responded, immediately pulling back. “How are you doing baby?” She asked.

Holtzmann shrugged. “You know me, I’m gonna be out of here by tomorrow.”

“You’re not.” Abby said, raising an eyebrow as she glared at her friend. “Erin’s gonna make sure you don’t get out of this room for at least another week.”

“I am. I don’t have to go to Columbia, so I’m going to be here the whole week.” Erin responded, staring at the blonde with a look that said ‘don’t even try to fight me on this.’

Holtzmann just pouted her lips, now looking at Patty. “Patty, you gotta get me out of this place, my mom here-” she gestured towards Abby, “is no fun, she won’t even let me go pee by myself.” The engineer then turned her head towards Erin, “And you know our sweet Erin, always sticking to the rules. She won’t let me eat anything besides this god-awful jelly stuff they have here.”

“Holtz,” Erin said, “I told you, they won’t let you have Pringles. I asked.”

“I know, but we don’t need to tell them.”

The three girls just laughed, shaking their heads, happy to see that Holtzmann was apparently feeling well enough to joke around.

“I’m not kidding.” She said, a serious look on her face as she stared at her friends.

“We know, baby.” Patty responded, now leaning forward so she could whisper something in the blonde’s ear. Immediately, her eyes widened and a smiled appeared on her face.

“Did she just promise to bring you Pringles later this week?” Erin asked, looking at the two girls.

“No.” They both responded at the same time, a serious expression on both their faces. Erin could see right through the lie, but decided not to say anything about it right now.

“Anyways,” Abby said, looking at Patty, “They did some more tests this morning, everything looks good, no more internal bleeding whatsoever.”

“That’s good.” Patty responded.

“Yeah, so she should be able to go home by the end of the week.”

“She just needs bed rest.” Erin said, “if she moves too much she risks tearing something open again, so we need to wait a little to make sure she won’t injure herself.”

Patty nodded, relieved to hear that her friend was doing well.

“I was wondering,” Holtzmann started, looking at Abby now, “Have you talked to Kevin yet?”

Abby nodded. “Of course! I called him right after I found out. He still hasn’t managed to find the hospital, though, but last time he got really close.”

Holtzmann chuckled. “You should probably-“

“Yeah, I know, I’m just gonna pick him up next time I visit.”

They both laughed now, Patty just shaking her head in response. “I should meet this idiot. Anyways, I have to get back to Columbia, but you better listen to these two or I’m gonna have to kick yo ass. Okay?”

The blonde rolled her eyes, smiling softly. “Kay.”

Patty left then, leaving the three of them alone for the first time again since this morning. Holtzmann looked at her two friends, sensing the tension.

“We’re gonna do this now, okay? Because right now there’s a bigger possibility of this tension killing me than any of these dumb injuries.” She gestured vaguely towards her own body.

Erin softly slapped her upper arm. “Holtzmann.” She said, “Don’t joke about that.”

“Sorry.” She said as she winked at the physicist. Erin just blushed and lowered her gaze down to her hands.

Abby sat down in one of the chairs, on the other side of Holtzmann’s bed. She and Erin were opposite of each other like this, but there was still a lot of space between them, including the blonde’s bed.

“Okay.” She said, catching the attention of both girls. “Talk.”

Holtzmann looked at Erin, immediately sensing that she had no idea how to do this, or what to say. The blonde reached over and took her hand in hers, before turning towards Abby. “Okay uh, it started a couple of weeks ago. We met in Central Park, randomly, and we just started talking. We kinda clicked, as in, Erin totally had the hots for me right away.”

“Holtzmann.” Erin said rolling her eyes and shaking her head. “Nevermind, I’ll do it.”

The blonde smiled softly, glad to see that her plan had worked. She knew that if she’d joke about it, the redhead would get annoyed and would want to tell it herself, which was ultimately better for the situation between Erin and Abby. She gently squeezed Erin’s hand, letting her know it was going to be okay.

“Okay so yes, we met in Central Park, and we just started talking, as friends. I uh-” she paused, looking from Abby to Holtzmann, “This is a bit weird, I mean we haven’t even talked about this.”

“Er, it’s alright. Just say what you feel.” Holtzmann responded.

Erin took a deep breath before continuing. “Yes, uh, so we started hanging out more, which is when she found out who I was. She told me, and we talked about it a little. I wasn’t really ready to tell her much, though, because it’s, it’s hard for me.” She looked at her hands, afraid to make eye contact with Abby as she said this, “Anyways, I realized that my feelings for her were changing, and then one day we sort of ended up in a café, which is when she asked me out.” Erin fell silent then, not sure how to go on.

“Obviously she said yes,” Holtzmann continued, smiling at Erin before turning her head around to look at Abby, “I mean, who wouldn’t.”

Abby snorted. “Shut up and tell the story, Holtz.”

The blonde held up her hands, “Hey, be patient here, I’m injured remember?” The brunette just rolled her eyes, used to the blonde’s behavior. “Anyways, I decided immediately that I was going to tell you after the date. We talked about that too, and Erin agreed. Nothing happened, I promise. We both felt like it was only fair to talk to you first, which is why we made the plan to tell you on Monday. But then, you know.. boom.”

Erin just rolled her eyes. She was well aware that Holtzmann was most likely only pretending to be this okay with what had happened to her, but there was no use in arguing or trying to talk to her. The engineer needed time to figure out her feelings for herself, so if that meant she wanted to pretend to be perfectly fine for a little bit longer, Erin was just going to have to accept that and be there when it would all come crashing down.

“Really Abby,” Erin said now, “Nothing happened.”

The brunette shook her head. “I don’t care about that.”

Holtzmann raised her eyebrows, “I mean, I do, but I would have understood. I’m not actually your mother, Holtz.” Abby explained.

“You sure?”

“Holtz.”

“Sorry.”

“Anyways, I’m uh,” She looked directly at Holtzmann now, “I’m happy for you, even though this isn’t ideal.”

“Thanks.”

Erin cleared her throat, finally daring to make eye contact with Abby again. “Do you- Are you okay with this? I mean, I would get it if you wanted me to leave Holtzmann alone.”

Abby shook her head. “No, Erin, listen, I know that this thing between us is really messed up, and as you probably know, you’re not my favorite person in the world, but you clearly make Holtzmann happy, so no, I don’t want you to leave her alone. Unless you want you.”

“No!” Erin immediately said, making the blonde smirk. “I mean,” She continued, a bit softer this time, “I don’t want that.”

“Good.” Abby responded.

Holtzmann smiled softly. “Do you think you’d be willing to talk to Erin? You don’t even have to do it for yourself, just do it for me.” She pouted then.  
  
The brunette chuckled. “You are totally taking advantage of this situation.”

“I know.”

“But yeah,” She said then, managing a soft smile as she looked at Erin, “I can’t promise I’ll forgive you or anything, but I think I could try listening to you.”

Erin beamed. “Thank you, Abby. That means so much to me.”

* * *

 

**_Wednesday, 1st of March, 11:50 AM_ **

Erin had been quietly sitting in a chair next to Holtzmann’s bed, just watching her sleep. She had arrived about twenty minutes ago, but apparently, the blonde had had a rough night. According to the doctors, she had thrown up multiple times, which, luckily, was nothing to worry about. Holtzmann had just had a bad response to some kind of medicine, which is why they had put her on another one, which seemed to be going fine. Obviously, she had still informed Abby about this, who was working today and didn’t have time to stop by.

She knew she had a book in her purse, but somehow studying the blonde’s face while she slept was far more interesting. She looked so soft like this, and all she wanted to do was reach out and touch her. She didn’t though, afraid that it might wake her up. Some of the blonde’s bruises were starting to change color now, turning yellow and greenish, which looked rather sickening. However, it meant that she was healing, which was good. Erin cast her look downwards, watching the blonde’s chest as it went up and down as she was breathing. It calmed her too, and she could feel her own breath slowing down as well, finally able to relax a bit.

“Are you checking me out right now?” Holtzmann suddenly said, snapping Erin from her thoughts.

“No!” She said, her cheeks heating up instantly as her eyes shot up to meet Holtz’s, who was shooting her a somewhat manic grin. “I wasn’t! I was just-“

“Er, calm down.” Holtzmann said, her voice a bit hoarse. “I was just teasing you. What were you doing, though?”

The physicist was still blushing, she realized, but there was on point in hiding it now. “I was just watching you sleep; I think I got a little bit lost in the moment. Sorry.”

“Hey,” Holtzmann said, reaching out to hold her hand, “Don’t apologize, I thought it was cute. What time is it?”

Erin glanced down at her watch. “Almost noon. Why?”

“No reason. I’m tired, so I figured it was still early.”

The redhead smiled softly. “No, sorry. But you can go back to sleep, Holtz. I heard you had a rough night.”

“You could say that. I’m surprised this whole room isn’t covered in my vomit.”

Erin scrunched her face, making the blonde laugh out loud. “Ouch, shit that hurts.” She said, clutching her ribs.

“Yes well, that’s your own fault. How are you feeling right now, though? Be honest, please.”

The blonde smiled softly. “Much better. I promise. Like the doc said, just a bad reaction to some medicine they gave me. It happens.”

Erin returned Holtzmann’s smile, reaching out to hold her hand again, something she had been doing quite often the last few days. “This is the first time we’ve been alone since, you know, I ended up here.” Holtzmann suddenly said, her voice soft.

“I know.” Erin responded. “I was so scared, Holtz. I really- I didn’t know what to do. Are you mad that I went to Higgins?”

The blonde’s eyes widened. “No! Of course not, why would I be mad?”

“Well, I mean, you could have just backed out, I didn’t know for sure, and I just came over anyways.”

Holtzmann grinned. “Erin, sweet Erin, even if that had been the case, I wouldn’t have been mad. I think it’s kinda badass that you just went over there.”

A pause.

“It means you really like me.”

“Of course I really like you, Holtzmann. You do remember that I wanted to kiss you, right?”

The blonde wiggled her eyebrows, making Erin blush. “Speaking about that, gorgeous. Does the offer still stand?” She winked then, which only made the physicist even more uncomfortable, now shifting in her seat and ducking her head down as she tried to hide her blush.

“Yeah- Yes.” She stammered, “But if it’s alright with you I’d rather wait until you’re out of the hospital. I don’t want to accidentally hurt you.”

Holtzmann pouted her lips. “You’re no fun.”

Just as she was about to say something else, Abby practically stormed into the room, looking flustered and panting heavily. “Abby.” Holtzmann said, sitting up a bit straighter so she could focus on her friend. “Are you alright?”

The researcher ignored her question but held up her phone. “I just got a call from someone at the Aldridge mansion, do you know the place?”

“The museum on 72nd?” Erin asked.

Abby nodded, briefly looking at Erin before focusing on Holtz. “Yeah so uh, this man just called me, says the place is haunted.”

Holtzmann’s eyes went wide. “Wait for real? They said that?”

“Apparently a man soiled himself.” The brunette said, making Erin cringe a little bit.

“Ah man. That’s gotta be at least a T3, T4 if it was poop. I mean, unless he ate something weird, then it wasn’t the ghost. Kinda hard to suss that out after the fact, though.”

“Right?” Abby said. “That’s what I thought.”

The redhead had completely given up on trying to understand what was going on. The two of them were wrapped up in their own little bubble, enthusiastically talking about the ‘ghost’.

“What are you gonna do?” Holtzmann asked.

“I got the pack, PKE meter, and a camera.” She said, gesturing towards the bag she had come in with. “I mean, I’m just gonna check the place out, see if there’s anything there.”

“No, no, no. Way too dangerous.” The blonde said. “You can’t go in there by yourself.”

“Holtz. I’ll be fine.”

“A man soiled himself, Abby. Did ya hear that?”

The brunette rolled her eyes. “Well, want do you want me to do? I need to go.”

The blonde looked towards Erin, and an idea popped into her head. “Take Erin.”

“What?” The redhead said, suddenly paying attention to the conversation again. “I can’t do that. What if someone hears about me checking out a ‘haunted house’. I’m up for tenure.”

Abby rolled her eyes. “I don’t care about your stupid tenure, at your stupider college. Besides, it’s fine, I’ll be fine. I don’t need you.”

The blonde rolled her eyes. “Guys, I know this is not ideal, but I can’t come with you right now Abby, and I don’t think sending Kevin is such a great idea. I’d ask Patty but she’s at work so..”

Abby groaned. “Fine.”

Holtzmann now looked at Erin, grabbing her hand to get the older woman to look at her. “Please? I promise you I’ll make it up to you.”

Erin looked down at her friend, she didn’t actually mind going, and she wasn’t really worried about the tenure thing. However, she was worried about going somewhere alone with Abby, especially something ‘ghost’ related. Holtzmann seemed to suddenly realize what was going as well, squeezing her hand to let her know it was okay.

“Hey,” Holtzmann said softly, and Abby rolled her eyes before leaving the room, saying she was gonna go outside and hail a cab for them. “I’m really sorry Er, and it’s totally fine if you really don’t wanna do this, I just- I don’t feel comfortable letting her go by herself.”

“You actually believe there’s something there?” Erin asked, frowning as she studied the engineer’s face.

“Well yeah, I mean from the sounds of it there definitely could be.”

Erin felt herself nodding. “Okay then, sure, I’ll do it.”

The blond threw her hands in the air, immediately groaning. “Should not have done that, definitely should not have done that. Thank you, though.”

The redhead nodded, leaning forward then and before she realized it she was kissing Holtzmann. It was just a little peck on her lips, and it only lasted for a couple of seconds, pulling back after one of Holtzmann’s machine’s started beeping loudly. She turned towards it, chuckling when she realized it was the blonde’s heart monitor, signaling that her heart rate had gone up rather quickly.

“Well,” Holtzmann said, "That is definitely embarrassing.”

Erin laughed out loud, kissing the blonde's cheek before moving away from her.

“You better get going,” Holtz said, still recovering from the small kiss, “She’s not gonna wait for you. But uh.. maybe more of this when you come back? Just don’t surprise me like that again, doc is gonna think I’m having a heart attack.”

Erin smiled one more time before leaving her room, promising Holtzmann she’d be back soon again.

* * *

 

“Okay, here we are.” Erin said as they exited the cab.

“Yes, thank you, miss Gilbert, I wasn’t aware of that yet.”

The redhead rolled her eyes. Clearly, Abby wasn’t holding back anymore, her frustration towards the other woman obvious now that it was clear that Erin was feeling better and less worried about the blonde.

They crossed the street, where they were introduced to Ed, the man who Abby had talked to on the phone, and the man who had apparently not pooped his pants (or so he said). They tossed them the keys, and suddenly the two of them were standing inside of the Aldridge mansion.

Abby pushed the camera into her hands. “Think you can handle this?” She asked, and Erin simply nodded.

“What’s that? Looks like one of those things that makes cotton candy. ” The physicist said, gesturing towards the thing Abby was holding.

Abby rolled her eyes as she turned around to glare at the redhead. “It’s a PKE meter. If there’s a ghost anywhere around here, this baby’s gonna find it.”

They walked further into the mansion, Abby ahead, her eyes on the device the whole time.

“Does it work?” Erin asked.

“Uh yeah, it works. I just haven’t had the appropriate proximity to an entity yet for it to work.”

She walked towards a door, pulling on the handle. Nothing happened. “Strange reading here.” She said, pulling on it once more. “Okay, somebody really doesn’t want us getting in that door.”

Erin rolled her eyes and followed the researcher. Suddenly, she almost slipped, staring down at her foot and now noticing how her heel was covered in some kind of sticky green goo. Great. Just what she needed. She frowned as she ducked down and touched some of the stuff, trying to determine what it was. She had no idea, though, but it felt weirdly cold. As she stood there, she noticed how something was happening behind her, saw the door opening from the corner of her eye. For a second she was afraid, turning around slowly. She let out a breath of relieve when there was nobody there.

“All right. Good gag.” She said, mostly to herself.

“Very funny.” Erin called out as she walked over towards where Abby was standing. “Are you trying to get back at me or something?”

The brunette frowned, clearly not understanding what Erin was talking about.

“You put all that gooey stuff on the floor, you opened the basement door, you tried to freak me out.”

Abby frowned. “I did not open the basement-“ She turned around then, suddenly noticing the door was indeed open. “Basement door is open.” She said, staring at the door now.

Erin, still not believing that something was actually happening, shrugged her shoulder as she stared at Abby. “You know what, it was probably Ed. And the guy who didn’t poop his pants.”

Abby shook her head. “Uh no. Look over there.” She gestured towards the window, Ed and the other guy were still standing on the other side of the street, talking to each other.

Suddenly, the PKE meter came alive. Erin was getting seriously anxious now, fidgeting with her fingers as she tried to calm herself down.

“I didn’t even know it did that.” Abby said, holding up the device and staring at it. Suddenly, there was a sound wave, something she’d never heard before, but had read about, studied and written about. She brought her free hand up to her ear and covered it. “My ears just-“ She started.

“Yeah, mine just popped too.” Erin said, getting a bit enthusiastic now.

“That is definitely-“ The brunette started.

“An AP-HX shift.” Erin finished.

“Yes!”

Both girls turned around, now facing the basement door again. “I don’t think we’re alone.” Abby said. “Holy crap. Let me have the camera.” She took the camera from Erin’s hands and placed the PKE meter on a chair.

Suddenly a ghost, a beautiful ghost, emerged from the basement, gliding over towards them. She stared at them with an intense expression on her face. “Are you seeing what I’m seeing?” Abby asked. The redhead just nodded in response, not able to take her eyes off the ghost.

“Good god. Class 4 apparition. Distinct human form.”

“This can’t be happening.” Erin said softly, her mouth slightly open as she stared at the ghost.

“That’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”

Erin felt herself stepping forward. “I’m going to try to talk to it.”

Abby gently pushed her. “Just be careful, she could be malevolent.”

The physicist turned around quickly to Abby. “Yeah just make sure you’re recording it, Holtzmann will want to see this later.”

“Yeah, I’m getting it all.”

Erin took another step forward. “I think she wants to communicate with us. It’s okay, she seems peaceful.”

She held up her hand, looking up and making eye contact with the ghost now. “Hello.”

Abby was almost crying, a huge smile on her face, her hands shaking. “I think you’re gorgeous.”

The ghost was still staring as Erin, and she realized she probably had to say something. “My name is Erin Gilbert, doctor of Particle Physics at Columbia-“

Within a split second, the ghost was screaming, its face turning into something way less beautiful, covering Erin in green sticky slime. She held up her hands, trying to protect herself. Which was useless, really, because that stuff was everywhere within seconds.

“Come on, she’s getting away.” Abby yelled. She managed to open her eyes, rushing after the brunette and back onto the streets.

They managed to spot the ghost one last time before it disappeared. Erin was frozen in her spot. “Abby!” She said. “Abby! What just happened?” The brunette put her camera down onto the floor, turning it off before looking at Erin.

“I’ll tell you what just happened. We saw a ghost!”

“We saw a ghost!” Erin repeated, still not quite believing it had actually just happened.

“Hell yeah, we saw a ghost.” Abby said, both girls now jumping up and down, filled with excitement.

They were so wrapped up in their own bubble, never noticing the figure standing around the corner, filming the two girls as they celebrated what had just happened.

They were still pumped as they entered the cab, Erin almost not allowed inside of it, still covered in slime. However, the cab driver finally agreed to take them if they paid extra, which was fine because _oh my god_ , they just saw a ghost.

The brunette pulled out her phone. “I’m going to call Holtz.”

“Yeah yeah, do that!” Erin said enthusiastically, “Put it on speaker.”

The blonde picked after a couple of seconds. “Abby put Erin-“ She started, but she was cut off,

“Holtzmann! Erin and I just saw a ghost!”

“Yeah I-“ The blonde started, but this time it was Erin who interrupted her.

“No really, Holtz! We saw a ghost, it was so beautiful, but we got it all on tape for you!”

“Guys-“

“It was amazing! You should have-“

“GUYS!” The blonde yelled. Both girls were silent immediately.

“Are you okay?” Erin asked, suddenly worried that something had happened.

“Yeah no, it’s not me. Erin, uh, I don’t know how to say this.”

The physicist stared at the phone, a frown on her face. “Just say it, Holtz, you’re scaring me.”

The blonde took a deep breath before finally speaking again. “Remember Phil, your ex? He uh, he followed you, I think. He made a video of the two of you out on the street just now, screaming ‘we just saw a ghost’ multiple times.”

Erin felt her stomach drop. She knew where this was going. “He put it online, with your name and everything.”

The redhead immediately pulled her own phone from her purse, feeling her heart pounding rapidly in her chest as she stared at the screen.

**21 missed calls from Harold Filmore.**

Fuck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you thought! :)


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry! This took me a bit longer than usual!
> 
> Some shitty stuff was/is going on which is why it's been a week, so I'm sorry about that .. 
> 
> Again, it's a long chapter though so yay!
> 
> Sorry for the mistakes!  
> And don't forget to let me know if you liked it! 
> 
> xx E

_**Wednesday, 1st of March, 05:01 PM** _

A couple of hours, and about three showers later, Erin was sitting in the large office of Harold Filmore, dean of Columbia University. She had only been in this room twice before today. Once when she got hired, and then when he told her that she was up for tenure. She had expected her third time in this room to be a lot more pleasant, something along the lines of ‘Congratulations Dr. Gilbert, we are giving you tenure’. However, it didn’t look like that was going to happen, based on the messages and e-mails she had received from Dr. Filmore.

She had been sitting in this chair for about ten minutes now, nervously tapping her fingers on the edge of it. Dr. Filmore still hadn’t come in yet, but she could hear him talking to someone in the hallway. Not loud enough to pick up any actual words, though.

“Dr. Gilbert.” He suddenly said, and Erin hadn’t even heard the door opening, now turning around in her seat and staring at the man. “Dr. Filmore. Good afternoon.” She responded, trying to sound cheerful.

He ignored her and sat down in his chair, Erin now turning back around to face him. The dean was silent for a couple of seconds as he loaded something on his screen before turning it around for Erin to see. There it was, the video that Holtzmann had told her about in the car, the video that Phil, stupid Phil, had shot with this phone and posted online. Apparently, it already had 11,869 views. Great.

She stared at the screen, suddenly not sure what to say. “Who is that?” She said as she leaned closer and squinted her eyes. She’s not even sure why she even tries because even though Phil is filming from a distance, it’s very clear to see that it is, in fact, Erin who’s currently jumping up and down, talking about a ghost she just saw.

“Apparently someone uploaded this to YouTube, and Professor Hudson was kind enough to send me a link.” He paused, taking a deep breath and leaning forward on his desk. “Now, I hope you understand that when we give someone tenure, they represent this institution. But this, Dr. Gilbert, is just not what this institution is about.”

“Sir, please, I just want to-“

He holds up his hand, effectively stopping her from saying anything else. “Dr. Gilbert, I think it’s best for all of us if you don’t say anything. You wouldn’t want to embarrass yourself even more.” He gestured towards the door then. “You can leave now, go clean out your office and report to HR.”

She can’t do anything, can’t say anything. She’s frozen in her seat. Dr. Filmore isn’t even paying attention to her anymore, continuing his work as if she isn’t still sitting in front of him. Finally, she manages to pull herself together enough to leave his office, clean out hers and walk through the hallways of Columbia. A couple of people stared at her, but all she managed was a weak smile in response.

Finally, she reached the front desk, stopping in her tracks when she saw what was going on.

“Seriously dude, if you don’t leave right now I’m gonna punch you.”

“Ms. Tolan-” Phil started, then stopping as he noticed Erin. He tried to walk over, but Patty grabbed his arm and held him back. “I wouldn’t do that if I were you.”

Erin briefly made eye contact with Patty before turning her attention towards Phil. She really didn’t want to do this, especially inside the school. Still, she found herself walking forwards, putting her box on Patty’s desk before facing Phil.

“Well, I hope you’re happy. That video you posted got me fired. Fired!.” She said, her voice harsh. She could see Phil flinch, having clearly not expected this from her.

“I was only trying to help you.” He said, shrugging his shoulder and pulling his arm from Patty’s grip.

“I’m sorry, how exactly do you think you were helping me by getting me fired?” She was barely holding it together, which Patty noticed, now moving to stand next to Erin.

“You shouldn’t be hanging around these,” He gestured towards Patty, “crazy people, especially Abigail. You don’t want people to also find out about the book, do you?”

Erin froze. She had completely forgotten about the fact that Phil knows about the book. She never wanted to tell him, but one night, after a few too many drinks, it had sort of slipped out. It was stupid, but back then he was just a friend, someone she liked, someone she thought she could trust.

“Erin, don’t you see? You’ll be fine. Just stay away from those people, and after a little while, once you’re behaving normally again, I’ll talk to Filmore and convince him to hire you again. I mean, you won’t get tenure, but honestly, I don’t think that was ever going to happen.”

All of the sudden, Patty rushed forward, her hand in the air, ready to slap Phil across the face. Luckily, Erin managed to pull her back just in time. She stared at Phil, practically shooting daggers at him with her eyes. “You should leave; she wasn’t kidding when she said she’d punch you.”

The professor shifted his gaze between the two, finally deciding it was indeed better to leave. Once Phil had disappeared into the hallways of Columbia, Patty immediately turned around and pulled Erin into a hug. “Are you okay, baby?” She asked, still holding Erin close.

“Yes. No. I don’t know.”

Patty finally let go of Erin, now looking at her with a soft smile on her face. “Do you want me to run after him and kick his ass? Would that make you feel better? I kinda want to.”

Erin chuckled before shaking her head. “No, it’s alright. Thank you, though. It’s just, you know, after years of hard work, and ass kissing, god I kissed so many different kinds of asses, this is what I get. One video and they fire me, just like that.”

Patty nodded. “I told you this fancy ass school was no good.”

The physicist managed a small smile. “I guess I should have listened to you.”

“Nah baby, I was just messing with you. For real, though, this sucks.” Patty turned around then, grabbing Erin’s box and handing it over to her before turning around and grabbing her own box. Erin stared at her, eyes wide.

“Patty,” She said, “did you get fired too? Is this my fault? I’m so sorry! I can go talk to him, you had nothing to do with this. Honestly, I am so-“

“Stop apologizing.” Patty responded, a smile on her face, “I didn’t get fired.”

Erin frowned. “Then why..?”

“I quit.”

The redhead’s mouth dropped open then, almost losing her grip on the box. “Patty what- why? I don’t understand.”

The other woman just shrugged her shoulders in response, leading Erin out of the building. “I never liked this job anyway. I wanna do something I actually like for once, and in the meantime, I can just work at my uncle’s company or somethin’”

Erin was smiling too now. The other woman never failed to amaze her. She was so strong, never afraid of change or taking a chance. Erin admired that, secretly wishing she was more like her. “I think you’re going to be just fine, Patty.”

“So will you baby.”

**_Thursday, 2nd of March, 07:12 AM_ **

When Erin wakes up, she’s drenched in sweat and panting heavily. She had been tossing and turning for most of the night, her dreams filled with ghosts, Phil, and images of the Dean firing her over and over. It wasn’t pleasant. After what had happened yesterday, Patty had offered to drive her over to the hospital to see Holtz, but she hadn’t been able to. Not that she didn’t want to see Holtzmann, she just wanted to be alone for a bit. She promised Patty that she would tell the engineer everything tomorrow, after she had had some time to process things by herself.

However, now she was dressed and ready to go. She had opted to wear a comfortable outfit today, simple jeans, sneakers and a baseball tee with red sleeves. Something she knew Holtz would like. Besides, it wasn't like she had to go to work today anyways. She stopped at the store next to the hospital to buy some coffee for herself and Pringles for Holtz, hoping it would make up for not being there yesterday evening. She was pretty sure the blonde would understand, but she still felt a little bit guilty about it.

She put the Pringles inside her purse, making sure that the doctors wouldn’t be able to see them. She greeted a couple of nurses and other people on her way there, most of them recognizing her by now. Finally, she arrived at Holtz’s room. She could hear Abby and Holtzmann talking even from out here. She knocked, and a second later the blonde called out for her to come in.

“Good morning.” Erin said as she walked into the room, a shy smile on her face. “I’m sorry if I’m disturbing.”

“Erin!” Holtz said even more enthusiastically than normally, immediately moving to sit upright in her bed. “Come over here!”

The redhead looked at Abby then. “Did you give her coffee?”

Abby chuckled before shaking her head. “No, I think she’s just excited to see you.”

“Well, of course I am, I haven’t you in forever.”

Erin rolled her eyes. “It’s not even been 24 hours.”

The blonde pouted her lips while she looked at the other woman, hoping that Erin would get the hint. “Yeah but it feels like it’s been days.”

Erin leaned closer then, placing a kiss on the blonde’s cheek before sitting down in her usual chair. Holtz seemed to be much happier now, practically beaming at her. “Oh wait,” Erin said, reaching for her purse, “I actually have something for you, as an apology for not being here yesterday evening.”

She pulled out the Pringles, and the blonde’s eyes widened instantly. On the other side of the room, Abby was laughing. “My babies!” Holtz said, immediately pulling the lid off and putting about five chips in her mouth at once. She made loud smacking sounds, cradling the can close to her body.

“What have you done?” Abby asked Erin, shaking her head as she watched the blonde.

“Yes, I’m realizing now that this probably wasn’t the best idea. She’s going to get sick if she eats too many.”

“Say whaaaat?” The blonde managed to say between bites.

Erin rolled her eyes. “I said that you would get sick if you eat too many.” She tried to reach for the can, but Holtzmann quickly put them under the covers and between her legs.

“Oh my god.” Abby said.

Erin just raised an eyebrow. “Really Holtz?”

“What? If you want them, you can just grab them.”

“You honestly think this will stop me?”

Holtzmann scanned Erin’s face, trying to determine if she was being serious or not. “It might, yeah.”

“Okay, okay.” Abby said, interrupting what seemed to be an intense staring competition between the two. “Anyways, Erin, I just showed Holtz the video.”

Erin felt her heart clenching painfully, suddenly reminded of everything that had happened at the mansion, as well as what had followed. Holtzmann still hadn’t asked about it, maybe it was because she was waiting for Erin to talk about it, or maybe she just didn’t really care about it.

The physicist realized she had been staring at her hands, now finally looking up and making eye contact with Abby. “Oh really?”  
She could feel Holtzmann’s eyes on her, but she knew that if she’d look at the other woman right now she would most likely cry, so that really wasn’t such a great idea. Instead, she put a fake smile on her face and focused all of her attention on Abby.

“Yeah and I mean, it wasn’t as amazing as seeing it live but still, we actually saw a ghost, Erin. A real ghost! And she was beautiful!”

Erin cleared her throat. “Yeah, I mean yes, she was.” Finally, she turned her head around to look at Holtzmann. “What uh- what did you think?”

The blonde squinted her eyes at her, clearly picking up that something was going on. Although, Erin figured, she probably thought it was more related to the actual ‘seeing a ghost thing’ than Columbia.

“I mean, that was awesome. I was kinda jealous I wasn’t there, especially for the part where she ecto-projected all over you.”

Erin grimaced. “Yeah, that stuff went everywhere by the way, in every crack.”

Holtzmann grinned before shooting her a wink, causing Erin to blush.

“Anyways,” Abby said, once again interrupting the two, “Holtz and I want to upload the video to YouTube, if that’s alright with you. I mean, a full torso transmogrification with corporeal aggression. How often does this happen? We can’t be quiet about this.”

Erin nodded in response. “Yeah, that’s fine, you can upload it.” She immediately knows she’s made a mistake by being so casual about the video, because Holtzmann is reaching out and pulling her hand into her own. “Er, are you alright?”

The redhead ducked her head for a second, taking several deep breaths before looking up again and making eye contact with Abby. “Could you uh- could you give us a moment?”

“Yeah sure.” Abby responded, a bit surprised to see Erin so down suddenly. “Just send me a text or something.”

Holtzmann nodded and smiled at her friend before turning her attention back towards Erin. She shifted a bit further away on the bed, then patted the empty spot next to her. “Come sit next to me.” She said, her voice soft.

Erin stared at the spot, not sure what to do. She wanted to, she really did, but she also knew she’d most likely start crying as soon as she was in the blonde’s arms, and she felt like she had done enough crying over the last couple of days.

Holtzmann seemed to notice the internal struggle and removed the can of Pringles from between her legs. “I’ll even give you some of my Pringles.”

The physicist chuckled. “Okay then.” She said, finally moving to sit down next to the engineer. As soon as she was next to Holtzmann, the blonde reached out and took Erin’s hand in hers, her thumb stroking patterns on the back of her hand.

“What happened yesterday? I mean, Patty said that it got pretty shitty, but she said that I should wait for you to tell me. I’m sorry if I seemed rude or anything. I really just wanted to give you space.”

Erin smiled softly, squeezing the blonde’s hand. “It's okay.”

“So, did he give you a warning or somethin’? And did you punch Phil yet?”

Erin shook her head in response, not really wanting to say anything.

“Uh, okay so no punching. What about a warning?”

Another shake of her head.

Holtzmann squinted her eyes, trying to guess what was going on here. “Okay so no warning, I guess that’s good then?”

Erin took a deep sigh before finally looking up. “He fired me.”

“What!?” Holtzmann said, way too loud, causing the redhead to flinch.

“Holtz, calm down.”

The blonde wasn’t listening, though, pulling back the covers and getting out of her bed before Erin could stop her. “That’s it. I’m going over there. Who the fuck do they think they are? They can’t fire you, you’re the best goddamn teacher they have.”

Erin climbed out the bed as well, rushing over to the other side and grabbing Holtzmann’s arm. “Holtzmann please, you have to get back into your bed.”

The blonde was shaking her head frantically. “No way. I’m going over there and I’m demanding that they give you your job back. I’ll just tell them that I blackmailed you into saying all that stuff or something.”

Erin raised an eyebrow. “You’re going to go over there right now?”

Holtzmann nodded, can of Pringles still in her head, walking over towards the door. Suddenly, Erin got a view of her the blonde’s – very naked – back. “Oh my god, Holtzmann!” She said, causing the engineer to turn around.

“What?! Erin I’m not kidding, I’m going okay. You can’t stop me.”

The blonde stepped out of her room, ignoring the dizziness in her head and the pain in her ribs as she quickly made her way through the hallways. “Oh no.” Erin muttered under her breath, quickly rushing after Holtzmann while she tried to wrap a towel around her body.

“Jesus Christ.” Someone suddenly said from behind them, causing them to turn around. Erin heard a few nurses gasp, and she quickly moved to stand behind the blonde again, blocking their view. She was pretty sure her cheeks were as red as a tomato by now.

“Patty!” Holtzmann said as she noticed the other woman. “Did you hear those assholes fired Erin?”

The dark haired woman was raising both eyebrows as she stared at the two women. “Uh yeah baby, I did. I was with her, remember?”

“Right, right.” Holtz responded, though she wasn’t really listening to either of her friends.

“Holtzy.” Patty said, waving her hand in front of Holtzmann’s eyes to get her attention. “What in the hell are you doing right now?”

“I’m going over there to talk to them.” She said, dead serious.

Patty doubled over in laughter. “Oh my god. Is she for real?”

Erin shrugged her shoulders, not able to form any actual words, let alone sentences, right now. Holtzmann just frowned, clearly having no idea what was going on.

“Baby, I don’t think you going over there half naked is gonna get Erin her job back.” She said as she gestured towards the blonde’s body.

All of the sudden, realization struck Holtzmann. She glanced down at her own body, having forgotten all about the stupid hospital gown that didn’t really close at the back, and the fact that she didn’t wear underwear during the night.

“Oh no.” She said, causing Patty to laugh even more. “Are you saying that I’ve been showing off my butt to half the hospital?”

“Well, honestly I think it’s mostly Erin.”

The blonde turned around then, facing Erin, who was still blushing intensively. Finally, she laughed too. “You okay there, Er?” She winked at the redhead, whom actually groaned, clearly uncomfortable.

“Well, this was fun.” Holtzmann said a bit louder, causing some of the nurses to chuckle. “I hope you all enjoyed the show, but I think I’m going back to my room now.” She took the towel from Erin’s hand and wrapped it around the lower part of her body before following her two friends back into her room.

“I bet you’re happy now that you didn’t try to take the Pringles, huh?” Holtzmann said once she was back into her bed.

“Yes, uh- I mean…. just shut up.” Erin stammered, still unable to put an actual sentence together. Both girls just laughed in response.

Abby entered then, figuring she’d given the others enough time alone. She greeted Patty before crossing her arms and glaring at Holtzmann. “Seriously Holtz? I’m gone for two seconds, and when I come back I hear the nurses talking about how the crazy woman from room 214 ran around the hospital half naked holding a can of Pringles. What happened?”

The blonde just shrugged, pushing the can forward. “Want one?”

Abby rolled her eyes. “No thanks.”

“Patty?”

“Hell no.”

Holtzmann pretended to be offended. “How can you say no to my babies?”

“Baby, you just told me you had that can between your legs right after I saw you running naked through the hospital. I really don’t wanna be anywhere near that thing right now.”

The blonde grinned. “Fair enough.”

“Okay, okay.” Abby said, sitting down in her chair and looking at Erin. “Can you tell me what’s going on now, because I have a feeling I’m the only one who doesn’t know.”

Erin’s not sure if she’s brave enough to tell it again, but then Holtzmann is reaching out and taking her hand again, and somehow it makes everything easier. “I got fired.”

Abby’s eyes widened. “You got what?”

“Fancy ass stupid Columbia fired her, and I quit.” Patty added.

“Wait, what? You quit?” Even Holtzmann didn’t know this yet, the dark haired woman hadn’t mentioned it at all yesterday.

“Yeah, but I’ll tell ya later.”

“You really got fired?” Abby asked, walking over so that she was standing directly next to Erin.

The other woman nodded. “Yes uh, they saw the video, and Dr. Filmore basically just said that it meant I ‘didn’t represent their fine institution’. He didn’t even give me a chance to explain.”

All of the sudden, Abby pulled Erin into a hug. The redhead didn’t even know how to respond for a few seconds, but then finally she allowed herself to relax in the hug, her arms wrapping around the other woman.

“I’m sorry Erin, that’s horrible.” The researcher said once she pulled back a little bit. “I know that I said I didn't care yesterday, and I do really hate Columbia, but this sucks. I think we’re all really sorry that you lost your job. But, I mean, there is kind of a glass is half full aspect of it. I mean, we saw a ghost. We really weren’t crazy; we were right all along.”

Erin smiled. “I never thought that we were.”

Now it was Abby’s turn to be surprised. “What? I thought that you stopped believing when you walked away from the book? I thought that you realized all those assholes were right, that it really was just all speculation, nothing more.”

The physicist shook her head. “No, not once did I think that. I mean- I just- there were so many things going on, so many reasons for why I did what I did, although none of them were good enough obviously. However, me not believing or thinking we were crazy is not one of them.”

Abby smiled softly at her. “We really should have that talk.”

“I’d like that.”

“Awh.” Holtzmann said, touched to see her friends getting along somewhat better now, and even more happy to see that Abby was really willing to listen to Erin. A nurse entered then, announcing that it was time for them to leave so that Holtzmann could have some rest for the remaining part of the day. Patty and Abby said their goodbye’s first, leaving quickly so that Erin could have Holtzmann alone before a doctor would come in and drag her away.

“Are you okay?” They both asked at the same time, causing them to smile at each other.

“You first.” Erin said.

“I’m alright, really. I mean, I get to go home tomorrow, so that’s pretty exciting right?”

The other woman nodded. “Yes. Abby has to work, but I’ll be here whenever you’re ready to go home so that I can pick you up.”

“Erin, you don’t have-“

“Don’t argue with me.” Erin said, causing the blonde to hold up her hands.

“Sorry. Now tell me, are you okay?”

Erin shrugged. “I don’t know, to be honest. I mean, I’ve worked there for so long, and I was so close to getting tenure. I’m not sure if I was truly happy or anything, but it’s all I’ve ever done, and now I’m just not sure what I’m going to do.”

“You could work with us.” Holtz said matter-of-factly.

“Excuse me?”

“I’m serious. I think we could really do this, you know, we can become the first scientists to prove the existence of the paranormal. All we have to do is find an entity and capture it and bring it into a controlled environment. That’s all.”

Erin avoided the blonde’s gaze as she looked down and started fidgeting with the blonde’s sheets. “Holtzmann I don’t know, I mean I’m not sure Abby would even want me there.”

“Hey, no pressure. We can figure it out.”

“Thanks. I should go now.”

The blonde nodded and smiled at Erin. “Before you go, though, do you think we can repeat that little thing you did yesterday?”

Erin frowned, pretending to not remember their small kiss. “Mmm..” She said, “And what is that exactly? I don’t remember anything.”

The blonde rolled her eyes, pulling Erin closer towards her with her hand. “I think you know what I’m talking about.”

“Do I?”

Holtzmann grinned back at her. “Based on the color of your cheeks right now, you do, yeah.”

Erin was leaning in then, not allowing the blonde to say anything else, or let her see just how much she was blushing. She pressed their lips together, and this time Holtz’s heart managed to stay somewhat calm. Holtzmann brought a hand up to stroke her cheek while she moved her lips against Erin’s. Just as the physicist wanted to deepen the kiss, Holtzmann pulled back. Erin groaned, causing the other woman to chuckle.

“Sorry,” She said, “gotta save some of the good stuff for when I’m out of this hospital bed.”

Erin rolled her eyes, even though she was aware that she was still smiling. “Weirdo.” She grabbed her purse and walked towards the door. “I’ll see you tomorrow then?”

“See you tomorrow.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :) :)


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! 
> 
> Sorry.. it's a bitter shorter than my usual chapters, and doesn't really include a lot of story progression stuff.  
> However, it is very fluffy and there's kissing, so yay!
> 
> Sorry for the mistakes. 
> 
> xx E
> 
> Oh and I also want to thank all of you for being so nice, not only about the last chapter but also about how I'm doing. It's wonderful and it warms my heart. I'm doing better, thank you <3

_**Friday, 3rd of March, 07:31 AM** _

“Good morning, Doctor Gilbert.” A nurse said as Erin entered the hospital.

“Good morning. How’s she doing?”

The woman chuckled. “Good, a little impatient, though. I think she’s ready to go home.”

Erin rolled her eyes and thanked her for taking such good care of Holtzmann, before saying goodbye and wishing her a good day. She knew that Holtzmann would be excited about going home, however, she had no idea just how excited the blonde would be. As she entered her room, Holtzmann was already sitting on top of her bed, fully dressed.

“Hiiii!” Holtz said enthusiastically, standing up and making her way over towards Erin so she could wrap her arms around the physicist. Erin was a little taken aback for a moment, but still managed to wrap her own arms around Holtzmann as well.

“Good to see you’ve managed to wear clothes this time.” Erin said once the blonde had let go of her.

“Ha ha. Very funny, Gilbert. Don’t tell me you weren’t secretly enjoying that just a little bit.”

The physicist rolled her eyes. “Well, it definitely wasn’t how I imagined seeing you half naked for the first time.”

Immediately, Holtz’s mouth dropped open.

“Oh no.” Erin said, realizing the mistake she had made, “Oh no, Holtz, this is not what I meant.”

The engineer was laughing now, clutching her ribs because it really fucking hurt when she did, but how could she not laugh at this. What made it even better was the fact that Erin was about as red as a tomato right now.

“Oh my god Erin. That was- that was just priceless.”

“That was not what I meant.” The other woman said as she avoided eye contact.

“Sure, sure. Whatever you say.”

Erin shook her head, now walking towards the other side of the room to pick up Holtz’s bag. “Are you ready? Did you fill out all of the forms?”

Holtzmann decided that she had teased Erin enough about the little slip, so she just nodded instead.

The engineer waved goodbye to a large amount of nurses and doctors as she was pushed towards the exit in a wheelchair (which Erin had obviously insisted on doing, at least until they were outside). Even though the blonde had only been here for a short time, she had gotten to know a lot of the personnel pretty well, and although she had been a pain in the ass for most of them, they did admit they were going to miss her, as well as her endless complaining about the hospital food. Erin thought it was cute.

Finally, they made it outside. Erin ran back in to return the wheelchair before making her way over towards where Holtzmann was standing. “So, do you want to go home? Or we could go to my place?”

The blonde was already opening up her mouth to say something, but Erin stopped her by placing a finger on top of her lips. “Before you say anything, I don’t mean it like that. The doctor said that someone should keep an eye on you to make sure you get enough rest. So either way, I’m coming with you.”

Holtzmann rolled her eyes, realizing that there was no way she was going to fight Erin on this. Also, she secretly kind of liked the idea of spending more time with her.

“Uh.. probably your place then, because I’ve seen yours and I don’t think you’d like hanging around at my apartment.”

Erin smiled. “If it’s anything like that mess on top of your desk at the lab, then no.”

“Yeah, no, you wouldn't like it.”

“Good. Then that’s settled. I’ll contact Abby and she and I can go and get some more of your stuff once I’ve dropped you off.”

Holtzmann nodded in response, now following Erin as she walked towards the road and held up her hand. Suddenly, she was frozen on her spot, and she could feel herself turning pale.

Erin noticed, clearly, because she was looking at her with that worried expression she always gets. “Holtz, are you okay?”

She walked back towards where Holtzmann was standing, noticing the panicked look in her eyes, and the way how she was clutching her own small backpack rather tightly in her hand. She was scared. Erin wanted to punch herself in the head for not having realized that getting a cab could be traumatizing for Holtzmann. She had just seemed so perfectly fine before.

She smiled then, reaching out to take one of Holtzmann’s hands into her own. “You know what? I actually don’t really feel like taking a cab. We could walk? Get some coffee in the park or something?”

This seemed to calm the blonde down a little bit, now making eye contact with Erin and smiling softly. “Uh yeah sure, I mean.. if that’s what you want. I’m fine with everything.”

“Let’s go then.” Erin said, intertwining their fingers together and guiding Holtzmann towards the direction of Central Park.

Soon enough, they were sitting on their familiar park bench, both holding a cup of coffee. Holtzmann moaned every time she took a sip, and so far 11 strangers had looked at them as if they were crazy. She didn't care, though.

“You like it?” Erin asked, giggling a little when Holtzmann actually closed her eyes as well this time.

“Love it. I’ve missed coffee.”

“Abby’s going to kill me. You haven’t had coffee in over a week, so who knows what’s going to happen.”

Holtzmann snorted. “She might kill you, yeah.”

“Hey! You’re supposed to be the one who calms me down or something like that.”

The blonde opened her eyes and smiled at Erin. “Okay then, sure. You’ll be fine, Erin.”

The physicist just smiled in response, leaning back into the bench. Automatically, her hand that wasn’t currently holding her cup reached out to hold Holtzmann’s. “Can you believe it’s only been a couple of weeks ago since we met?”

The other girl chuckled. “Nah, I mean, it feels like a year or something.”

“Right?”

“You’re not freaking out, aren’t you?”

Erin frowned at that, not sure why Holtzmann would think she was freaking out. The engineer must have understood, because she squeezed Erin’s hand to let her know that she didn’t mean it in a bad way. “I just meant, maybe you think this is all moving too fast or something.”

This time it was Erin’s turn to snort. “Holtz, we haven’t even properly kissed yet.”

“Remind me to change that later today,” She winked at Erin before continuing, “no but I mean, you’re allowing me to stay at your place and everything. I just want you to know that it’s okay if you’d rather have I stay with Abby, or even Patty.”

“You’ve known me longer than you’ve known Patty.”

“Yeah, but I’m also not trying to get into her pants.”

“Holtz!”

“Sorry..”

“I get what you mean, though, but honestly, it’s fine. I would really like it if you stayed at my place.”

Holtzmann smiled at her. “Good.”

It took them about thirty minutes to get from the park to Erin’s apartment, which wasn’t too bad given the fact that Holtz was still recovering, and Erin had to carry her bag (which was way heavier than she had expected).

“Here we are.” Erin said as she opened the door.

“I’ve been here before, remember?”

Erin was suddenly reminded of the last time that Holtzmann was here, which again, seemed like forever ago. “Oh right. Sorry, I forgot.”

She turned around to lock the door. “You can take the bedroom; I’ll just sleep on the couch. I mean, it’s probably better-“ Suddenly, Holtzmann turned her around quite forcefully and pushed her up against the door. “Holtz-“ She managed to choke out before the blonde was pushing their lips together.

Erin realized she was still holding onto Holtzmann’s bag, now letting go of it so that she could reach out to push against the blonde’s shoulders. “Holtzmann-“ She started again.

“Please.” The blonde responded, “I know you’re worried, but just- just let me kiss you. I promise I’m fine.”

Erin stared down at Holtzmann's lips, for a moment not sure if she should continue. Holtz could hurt herself, or she could accidentally injure the blonde. However, she also realized that there was no way she was backing out right now. The blonde had one arm wrapped around her waist, and the other was cupping her cheek. Slowly, she felt herself nodding. Apparently, that was all Holtzmann needed, now pushing forwards and pressing their lips together again. Erin immediately realized that this kiss was nothing like the ones that she had given Holtz.

It was still sweet and soft, but there was much more passion in this kiss as well, the blonde making it clear how badly she had wanted to do this all along. She found herself moaning, which only encouraged Holtzmann, who now deepened the kiss.

Erin reached out, desperate to pull the engineer even closer to her own body. Apparently, however, she did something wrong because Holtzmann pulled back and groaned, leaning forward as she put a hand on her ribs, trying to relieve the pain.

“Oh no, shit, I’m sorry.” Erin said, placing a hand on the other woman’s back. “See, this is why I didn’t want to do this.”

Holtzmann stayed like that for a few more seconds before finally standing up again and pressing another kiss to Erin’s lips. It was shorter this time, more like their kisses from the hospital. “Hey, don’t ever apologize for that, Gilbert. That kiss was awesome. My ribs just happened to disagree.”

Erin smiled softly, happy to know that apparently, Holtz had been enjoying that kiss just as much as she had. “You should lay down.” She helped the blonde over towards her bedroom, quickly showing her around and telling her where she could find certain things. “I have to go now, because I think Abby’s already waiting for me. But uh.. maybe when I come back we can repeat that kiss?”

The blonde winked at her. “Yeah, there’s definitely gonna be more of that later.”

* * *

 

_**Friday, 3rd of March, 11:04 AM** _

About fifteen minutes later Erin was standing in the lab at the Kenneth P. Higgins Institute.

“There you are!” Abby said, walking closer towards where Erin was standing and handing her an empty bag. “You ready to go?”

She smiled and nodded. “Yes, let’s do this.”

Holtzmann had been right when she had said that Erin probably wouldn’t like her place. There were pieces of scrap metal literally everywhere, and an alarmingly large amount of scorch marks on the wall.

Abby smiled as she took in Erin’s shocked expression. “Never been here before?”

Erin shook her head. “No I mean; we’ve not really hung out anywhere besides the park.”

“Yeah, what’s up with that?”

The physicist frowned. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, why didn’t you just exchange numbers and text or something.”

“I don’t know, really. I just- It the beginning it was just nice to talk to a stranger, but then we became friends, and it was kind of the only part of my day that I was actually looking forward to.”

The brunette smiled softly. “Yeah, I get that.”

They were mostly silent after that, besides from Abby telling Erin what Holtzmann would probably want and what she could leave behind. Eventually, they ended up packing only one bag of clothing, and two bags filled with metal and tools.

“Trust me, you’ll want this.” Abby simply said, “Last time she stayed over I made the mistake of not getting her anything, so she took apart my toaster, blender, and microwave.”

Erin chuckled a little, causing the other woman to glare at her. “Yeah, you’re laughing now, but you won’t be once she's built her own little devilish machine in the middle of your living room that just so happens to explode and destroy part of your hardwood floor.”

Abby was walking towards the door then, but Erin managed to stop her by placing a hand on top of her arm. “Wait,” She said as Abby turned around again. “I was uh.. I was wondering if you’d like to have that talk.”

“Right now?” Abby asked.

“I mean, if you have time, yes.”

The brunette clearly wasn’t sure what to say for a moment, but then she nodded and put the bags down on the floor, walking towards Holtz’s couch and sitting down slowly. “Okay then, let’s do this.”

So Erin told her story, just like she had told it to Holtzmann, telling Abby about her parents, about her freaking out, about them forcing her to move back, to do something else. About how guilty she felt, about how she wanted to make everything right again but had no idea how. Towards the end of it, they were both crying.

“I uh-“ Abby said, her voice sounding hoarse after the crying and being silent for so long, “I don’t know what to say.”

Erin smiled. “You don’t have to say anything; you don’t even have to forgive me. I mean, yes, it was crappy, but it still doesn’t mean that what I did was right. I should never have left you, Abby. I’m so sorry.”

The brunette took one of Erin’s hand in her own and squeezed. “It’s okay. I mean, I’m not just gonna magically be okay with it or anything, but I do understand. I’m not mad anymore, I’m just- I felt so alone, for such a long time after that, until I met Holtzmann. I can’t just pretend that never happened.”

Erin looked down. “I get it. I just- I can’t promise I will leave Holtzmann alone, because I care too much about her.”

Abby chuckled then, causing Erin to look up, clearly surprised. “I don’t want you to leave her alone, I mean, besides from the fact that it would make her absolutely miserable, I have no say in your relationship with Holtz. Also, when I said that I can’t be completely okay with it right now doesn’t mean that I don’t believe that’s never going to happen. You’re a part of Holtz’s life, which means you’re a part of mine. I’d rather have the two of us trying to get along, at least for her sake.”

Erin wrapped her arms around Abby then, not even sure if the brunette was okay with hugging yet, but also not able to stop herself. Luckily for her, Abby wrapped her arms tightly around her. “Thank you.” She said softly.

“We’re going to be fine.” Abby responded, now pulling back from the hug to smile at her. “Also, I was wondering, Holtz mentioned something along the lines of you joining us now that you’re uh- now that you’re between jobs.”

Erin ducked her head down. “Uh yes, I mean, she did mention that. But I’m just not sure, I mean, first of all, you’d have to be okay with that, and second of all, I’m not sure if I want to.”

The brunette grinned. “I get it. Just so you know, though, I’d be fine with it. You’re truly a brilliant physicist Erin, I can’t deny that. You’d be an asset to the team.”

“Thanks. I’ll think about it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked it!


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all of the love/kudos/comments :) 
> 
> Sorry for the somewhat longer wait, I'll hope you'll all enjoy this fluffy chapter! 
> 
> There might be mistakes in this... sorrryy...
> 
> Come talk to me on Tumblr (dr-jillianholtzmann), I love meeting new people! 
> 
> xx E

**_Friday, 3rd of March, 05:34 PM_ **

“Holtz?” Erin called out as she entered her apartment. She realized that she had left Holtzmann alone for a pretty long time, and even though she had called the blonde and told her that she was heading towards Higgins to help Abby stabilize some equipment and work on some things (mostly for safety reasons), she still felt bad about leaving her alone for so long. However, she hoped that the box of ingredients which she would use to make a nice home cooked meal would make up for abandoning her for most of the day. Honestly, she was just praying to god Holtz hadn’t already ruined something in her apartment.

“Erin? That you?”

“Yeah, and Abby’s here as well. Where are you?”

Holtzmann wasn’t in her living room, which she had figured she would be after so spending so much timing laying in a bed. However, when she walked over towards the bedroom she noticed the bed was empty as well.

“Holtzmann?” She said, now walking from her bedroom into the bathroom, finally finding the blonde. She was standing in front of the mirror, currently pulling out bobby pins.

“Hey Er,” The engineer said, smiling at Erin's reflection in the mirror, “How was my apartment?”

“Disastrous. But besides the fact that I was literally walking in an apartment that looked like it belonged to one those psychos from Criminal Minds, it all went pretty smoothly. We got everything that we needed.”

“Cool, and how as the lab?”

Erin smiled, she had secretly really loved seeing the blonde’s work and was quite impressed by what the two of them had been working on. “It was nice. You are uh- you’re pretty amazing, Holtz. I saw your work. It’s really impressive. I’m sorry for being gone for so long, though.”

Holtzmann was beaming now. “I owe it all to you and Abby, if you guys hadn’t written that book I wouldn’t have been able to make any of those things. Anyways, it’s cool. I mostly slept.”

Erin knew that she was blushing. She wasn’t used to be being complimented on her work (especially not on anything related to the book, obviously, but also her work on particle physics didn’t get complimented too often). She decided that changing the subject was probably a better idea. “Why are you untangling your hair? Not that I’m complaining or anything, it looks really nice.”

Holtzmann winked, causing her cheeks to redden even more. “Yeah I know; my landlord isn’t a big fan of me. But uh, I fell asleep for a little bit, and when I woke up it was a mess so I figured I might as well take it down. Don’t have anywhere I need to be anyways.”

“That’s true. Also, I don’t know if you heard me but Abby’s here as well and if it’s alright with you, she’s going to stay for dinner. I think she wants to talk about the ghost thing with you.”

The blonde turned around then, a grin on her face. “That’s awesome! And thanks for being so cool about it, I know it’s probably pretty hard for you right now.”

Erin returned Holtzmann’s smile, “I’m actually fine, honestly. Abby and I had a great talk so...”

Surprisingly, the engineer stepped forward and wrapped her arms around Erin’s body. Erin quickly returned the hug and smiled against the blonde’s neck. “That’s really great.” Holtzmann said softly, causing her smile to widen.

“Yes, I’m happy too. I mean, there’s still a lot we need to talk about and it’s going to take us some time before we get where we were, but I honestly think that we're going to be fine. “

The blonde leaned in and gave her a quick peck on her lips. “You have no idea how happy this makes me.” She said, and it was the most sincere thing Erin had ever heard her say. She knew that Holtzmann cared a great deal about the bond between her and Abby, but never knew quite how much.

“Hey lovebirds!” Abby called out, “I’m super happy you guys are into each other and all that, but I’m kinda hungry so…”

“Coming!” Erin called out, kissing Holtz on her cheek before walking back into her living room. “She’s just in the bathroom.”

“How is she doing?” Abby said, moving through the kitchen as she searched for plates. Erin found herself smiling, Abby had always been able to make herself at home anywhere, whereas Erin was usually really awkward at someone else’s house. She remembers visiting Abby’s house for the first time and almost peeing her pants because she was too shy to ask if she could use the bathroom. Which, according to Abby, was ridiculous to ask in the first place.

“She’s uh- she’s fine, I think. She slept so I guess that’s good.”

Abby smiled. “Yeah, the doctors said that she'd probably feel very sleepy for at least the first two days, with the medicine and just her body getting used to moving around and doing things again.”

Holtzmann entered then, wearing some kind of rainbow sweatpants and a black shirt. Erin’s smiled, because really, she should have known that even the comfy clothes Holtz wears at home are odd.

“Nice pants.” She commented, making the other woman wink at her.

“They were a gift actually, from Patty.”

“Really?” Abby asked.

“Yeah, she got them for me as a ‘leaving the hospital’ present, or something. Obviously, I had to try them on right away. That reminds me, can someone take a picture so I can send it to her or something?”

Erin rolled her eyes. “Ask Abby to help you out, I’m going to start cooking.”

Holtzmann practically sprinted over, leaning on the counter so she could peer into the box. “What are we having?”

Erin wanted to roll her eyes, she really did, but somehow she liked this childlike enthusiasm that Holtzmann somehow always had about the littlest things. It was cute.

“Uh, I was thinking maybe something simple? Like a pesto pasta? Maybe with some chicken, tomatoes, mushrooms, something like that? I didn’t really know what you liked so I just got a whole bunch of stuff.”

Holtzmann smiled, finding it endearing that Erin had bought so much. Honestly, she was absolutely fine with anything after eating that horrible, horrible hospital food. “Sounds delicious.”

“Hey guys,” Abby said, holding up her phone, “I told Patty that Holtz was wearing her new sweatpants and she asked if she could come see for herself. Do you have enough food for one more person?”

Erin smiled. “Of course! Tell her to come over.”

Holtzmann threw her hands up in the air before dancing around the room, constantly talking about how happy and excited she was to see Patty again and have all her girls together. Erin and Abby just smiled at each other and shook their heads.

Patty arrived about twenty minutes later, just in time for the food. Erin only had to mix the pasta with the sauce and add the chicken and then it would be done. She was pretty pleased with the results herself, and she hoped the others would like it as well.

“Holtzy!!!” Patty practically yelled as soon as she door was pulled open. Immediately she wrapped her arms around the blonde and pulled her close.

“Patty, patty, ribs.” Holtzmann said, wincing now as her ribs felt like they were being crushed all over again. Patty immediately let go of her.

“Sorry baby, I’m just so happy to see you. How are you?”

Holtzmann smiled, walking away from the door and further into Erin’s apartment. “Pretty good, actually. It doesn’t hurt too much.”

“Good. Also, those pants look awesome on you.”

“Thank you! Do you think it would be appropriate if I wore them to work?”

“Please don’t!” Abby yelled from the other side of the room, causing the two women to burst out into laughter. Erin watched the interaction between her friends with a soft smile on her face. It still amazed her how special the friendship between Patty and Holtz seemed to be. They just connected so easily. She wasn’t jealous, obviously. She knew that she and Holtzmann had something amazing as well. It was just nice to see two of her best friends acting like they had known each other for years.

“Well,” She said then, “I’m glad you’re here Patty, because dinner is done.”

Patty walked over then, quickly hugging Erin as well before she helped her serve the food.

After dinner – which thankfully for Erin was a huge success – the girls moved to the couch to watch a movie. They were all pretty tired from the day, and Patty and Abby didn’t feel like going home yet. Erin had a feeling it was because they wanted to be around Holtz just as badly as her now that she was out of the hospital. It warmed her heart to see how much they cared about the engineer. She wondered if Holtz realized this as well.

Erin sat down on the couch after putting on the movie. They had decided on watching 'The Proposal', which was really Abby’s idea because she had never seen it before. They were fine with it, because honestly, Erin didn’t really care what they watched. She just wanted to hang out with her friends, especially a certain blonde engineer.

As soon as she sat down, Holtzmann wrapped an arm around her and pulled her closer, Erin quickly leaning into the hug. Holtz kissed the top of her head, and Erin was sure she could feel how the blonde was smiling while she kissed her. In return, she put her arm around her waist and pulled Holtzmann closer to her. She was aware of how both Patty and Abby were watching the two of them, but really, she couldn’t care less. She normally didn’t really like showing affection in front of others, but she was tired and all she wanted was to feel Holtzmann breathing against her. It was just comforting.

However, she also knew Patty and Abby were probably just really happy for the two of them, not at all annoyed.

During the movie, she had trouble focusing on the screen. She realized that watching Holtzmann was far more interesting, so after a while, she just gave up and hugged the blonde closer to her own body. Holtzmann responded by lazily squeezing her shoulder and looking down to smile at her.

“Are you tired?” Erin asked softly, not wanting to disturb the others who were still watching the movie.

“A little.” Holtzmann answered honestly. She didn’t want to admit it, because she had basically slept most of the day, but still.. she could hardly keep her eyes open. It probably also had something to do with the fact that holding Erin like this was making her feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

“Do you want to go to bed now? It’s totally fine, nobody’s going to judge your or anything.”

Holtzmann smiled softly at Erin. “Thanks Er, but I’ll be fine. It’s almost over anyways.”

She was right, the movie ended about 10 minutes later, both Patty and Abby talking enthusiastically about how much they liked it.

“We should go.” Abby said once she noticed the state Holtzmann was in.

“Yeah, Holtzy looks like she’s about to pass out or somethin’”

Erin smiled at her friends, moving away from the blonde so she could stand and bring their wine glasses over towards the kitchen. “You guys should stay over.” She said then, surprising even herself by saying this, “I mean, it’s pretty late already, and I don’t- I don’t want anything to happen to you guys so..”

Abby smiled at her. She realized that Erin was afraid that something similar would happen to either one of them. She wasn’t necessarily worried about that, yet she also didn’t feel like leaving and going home right now. Partly because she was tired, but also because she really, really just wanted to be around Holtzmann right now.

“Uh,” She started, “I mean, the doctor did say that Holtz might have a rough first night now that she wasn’t getting medicine throughout the night for the first time..”

“Yeah and you know, we totally wanna help out in case she wakes up or stuff like that.” Patty chimed in.

Erin smiled at her friends, realizing they were – in fact – just as worried about Holtzmann as she was. “That sounds good. I have some extra blankets and pillows for you guys. You can both take a couch. How does that sound?”

“Perfect.” Abby responded.

“Wow, gorgeous. Does that mean you’re gonna join me in the bed?” Holtzmann said, sending her a wink. It didn’t really work, though, making Erin chuckle at her.

“It’s that’s fine with you, then yes.” She answered, causing Holtzmann’s smile to widen.

“As long as I get a goodnight kiss I’m cool with everything.”

Erin just rolled her eyes, both Patty and Abby snorting at the blonde’s comment.

The physicist helped Holtzmann first, giving the blonde a few minutes of privacy in the bathroom to change and brush her teeth while she grabbed some of the bags that she and Abby had brought over into the bedroom. She dove in, soon enough realizing that she and Abby had managed to bring three bags of clothing, tools and scrap metal, yet had somehow forgotten to pack the blonde's pajamas. She sighed in frustration. Well, she’d just have to wear one of Erin’s old shirts or something. Secretly, she sort of liked the thought of Holtzmann in her clothing. Secretly.

She placed the shirt on the bed and put her medicine and a glass of water on the nightstand before moving into the living room and helping Abby and Patty get comfortable on the couch.

“Are you guys okay like this?” She asked once they were settled.

“Perfect. Thanks for letting us stay over and borrow your stuff.” Abby said as she gestured towards the shirt she was wearing, another one from Erin’s personal collection.

“Yeah, seriously, thank you, baby. If there’s anything you guys need just call us and we’ll be right there.”

Erin smiled softly. “Thank you, Patty.”

“I just have one request, though,” The dark haired woman said, sitting up on the couch to glare at Erin, “Don’t do any nasty stuff please, because honestly we are right here and I don’t wanna hear any of that.”

Erin groaned. “Oh my god.”

“I agree with her, I have really good hearing, and your walls look like they’re pretty thin so..” Abby said.

The physicist felt herself blushing. “Guys, seriously, nothing’s going to happen.”

“Better not.”

“Goodnight!” Erin said loudly, turning away from her – now laughing – friends and walking back into her bedroom where Holtz was already sitting on top of the bed, wearing her shirt. It looked even better than she had imagined.

“How are you feeling?” She asked after realizing she had basically just been staring at her for about thirty seconds.

The blonde turned around to smile at her. “Better now that you’re here.”

“Holtz.”

“No really, I’m okay. I mean I’m pretty tired and my ribs hurt a little from sitting on the couch like that but besides that I’m alright.”

Erin ducked her head, hating herself for not having realized that hugging Holtzmann like that for about an hour and a half could have been really painful for her. “Holtzmann you should have said something.”

The blonde grinned at her. “Nah, it was totally worth it.”

Once again, Erin realized she was blushing, something that was happening more and more often nowadays. “I’ll uh- I’ll just go change now.” She stammered before disappearing into the bedroom.

When she returned, it appeared that Holtzmann had already fallen fast asleep, so made her way over towards the other side of the room, careful not to make too much sound, and slipped into the bed herself.

She leaned on her elbow and watched how the blonde’s chest moved up and down as she breathed.

“Are you looking at my boobs, Gilbert?” Holtzmann said, opening one eye to glare at her.

“What? No! I swear I wasn’t.” Erin spoke, realizing that she was only making it worse. She took a deep breath before starting again. “I was just watching you sleep.”

“I wasn’t asleep.”

“I realize that now, yes, thank you.”

Holtzmann chuckled. “I mean I almost was, but then I remembered someone promising me a goodnight kiss.”

Erin rolled her eyes, even though she was aware that she was practically beaming down at Holtz. Hopefully, the darkness was hiding most of it. “I did say that, yes.”

Holtzmann apparently confused Erin’s somewhat teasing voice with her actually not wanting it. “Erin, you don’t have to. I mean, I know we haven’t talked about us or anything..”

Quickly, Erin leaned down and pressed her lips against Holtzmann’s, being careful not to put any weight on top of the blonde’s body.

Holtzmann deepened the kiss almost immediately, placing her hand on Erin's neck and using it to pull her closer. The physicist moaned into the kiss, putting her own hand on the other woman’s cheek and gently stroking it. Being careful not to hurt Holtzmann, she pressed herself closer to the other woman’s body, pulling her lower lip between her teeth and biting down gently. Immediately, Holtzmann pulled back, and even though the room was pretty dark, Erin could tell how much the other woman's eyes had darkened, almost all of the blue gone.

“Are you okay, did I hurt you?”

Holtzmann smiled. “Quite the contrary, actually. I’m just afraid that if you keep kissing me like that I’m not going to be able to stop. As awesome as that sounds, I think Patty and Abby might seriously kill me.”

Erin snorted. “I think you’re right about that. Also uh- maybe we can talk tomorrow? About us? Or something?” She really didn’t want to pressure Holtz into talking about whatever it was that was going on between them, but she also kind of felt like they needed to talk about it soon, just to know they were on the same page.

“That sounds good.” Holtzmann said, smiling reassuringly at her. “For now though, let’s sleep.”

Erin nodded and rolled over towards her own side of the bed. Holtzmann chuckled in response and reached out so she could pull Erin closer towards her own body. “Come here, weirdo.”

Erin put her head on the blonde’s shoulder, but kept her arms next to her own body. “I don’t want to hurt you.” She said softly.

Again, Holtz reached out and took Erin’s hand in hers, slowly putting it on top of her stomach. “It doesn’t hurt like this, I promise. Okay?”

“Okay.”

Erin pressed a kiss to Holtz’s neck before finally allowing herself to relax, quickly falling asleep in the blonde’s arms.

**_Saturday, 4th of March, 08:11 AM_ **

The next morning, Erin woke up with Holtzmann pressed against her back. She had no idea how they ended up in this position, but she wasn’t going to complain. However, she was aware of the fact that Holtzmann really had to take her medicine again, it having been a couple of hours after Erin had woken her up in the middle of the night to take some after she realized that Holtz was in pain. Obviously, she had complained and claimed that she was fine, but Erin had let her know that if she didn’t take it she was going to call Abby and Patty into the room (who would probably be grumpy after being woken up at 4:30 AM and the three of them would force Holtz to take her pills). Luckily, the engineer realized that just taking them was the easier option.

Now, though, it was time to take some more pain medication, meaning she’d have to wake her up.

“Holtz.” She said, turning around in the blonde’s arms.

Holtzmann groaned and mumbled something in response.

“Holtzmann.” She tried again.

“Er, no, please. Just a little longer.”

Erin smiled at her, even though Holtzmann’s eyes were still closed.

“I’m sorry, but you have to take some more medication or else you’ll feel bad all day.”

Holtzmann turned around to lay on her back, a wave of pain shooting through her. She should not have decided to lay behind Erin like that, but the other woman had just looked so huggable when Holtz had woken up somewhere in the night.

“Okay... I’ll do it.” She said then, realizing that Erin was right and she probably should take it if she wanted to get some work done today. She had seen the bags of scrap metal yesterday, and already had some things planned for today. She hoped Erin didn’t mind small explosions in her apartment.

“Great. I’m going to check on Abby and Patty.”

She disappeared from the bedroom and into the living room, finding only Abby there. She was fully dressed and currently making breakfast into her kitchen.

“Hey.”

“Good morning. How did you guys sleep?”

Erin moved closer and took one of the cups of coffee Abby had prepared for them. “Pretty good. I think she woke up a couple of times, but she wasn’t in too much pain so that’s great. Where’s Patty?”

Abby looked up from the omelet she was currently making. “I’m glad to hear. Patty had to go because her uncle had some kind of job offer for her or something. I don’t really know, I was still pretty much asleep when she told me. She left about twenty minutes ago.”

“Okay. Thank you for making breakfast by the way. I’ll get Holtz so we can eat.”

“No problem, thanks for letting me stay.”

“Of course.”

About ten minutes later all of them were dressed and sitting around the small dining table. She smiled as she looked at her friends, who appeared to be having a conversation about ghosts again. She knew Holtz sometimes felt bad when she talked to Abby in front of Erin, because she would often get a little wrapped up in the conversation, a conversation which Erin usually wasn’t included in because it was mostly about their work. What Holtz didn’t realize though was that Erin loved watching the two of them talk. They were both so passionate, it was an amazing thing to watch.

Her phone buzzed then, and she looked down at the device. It was Patty. Immediately she picked it up, hoping that Patty had good news about the job her uncle had offered her.

“Hey Patty.” She said, her friends immediately silent as they listened to Erin’s side of the conversation. “How was the job offer?”

Patty cleared her throat on the other side of the line, and Erin frowned as she spoke, almost not even recognizing her friend’s voice. “I uh- I think I just saw a ghost.”

Erin’s eyes widened, putting the phone down on the table and putting it on speaker so Holtz and Abby could listen as well.

“What did you just say?” Erin asked, not sure if Patty had actually said what Erin thought she had said.

“I saw a ghost.” She repeated.

“What?”

“Where?”

Patty cleared her throat again. “Seward Station, Downtown and Brooklyn. Can you guys come down here?”

Holtzmann and Abby looked at each other for a split second, matching smiles on their faces. “On our way.”


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yesss I'm finally back! 
> 
> I got super busy with work/doing stuff/being on a holiday..  
> But now I'm back and writing again so yay :)  
> Because of the ending of the last chapter you can probably guess what this one's going to be about. Once again, there's a lot of stuff from the actual movie in this, juts changed a little to fit my story. Honestly, this is not the best chapter.. however, the next one's gonna be pretty intense and it was simply too much for this one so I had to split it into two, which is why this one is more of a filler or something.. I guess.. anyways, I hope you'll all still like it! 
> 
> As always, sorry for the mistakes (I'm super tired right now so..)  
> Please do let me know if you liked it/hated it! 
> 
> xx E

  
_**Saturday, 4th of March, 08:32 AM** _

Erin sat at the table, her plate in front of her and her cup of coffee – which was still hot – in her hands.

“Guys.” She said.

Neither Abby nor Holtzmann appeared to be listening, both frantically moving around her, their own breakfast and cups of coffee forgotten.

“Guys.” She tried again, a little bit louder this time. Abby turned around to look at her.

“Right.” The brunette said, reaching for her plate and putting a piece of bread in her mouth, as if Erin had been concerned about their empty stomachs. “You happy?”

Erin shook her head, finally standing up and walking over to where Abby was standing. “She can’t go.” She gestured vaguely towards the engineer, who was currently rummaging through one of the bags that she and Abby had brought.

“I know.” Abby responded, watching as Holtzmann put a hand to her ribs for a second before shaking it off and continuing her work. “But I really, really need her.”

“I don’t want her there.” Erin said sternly.

Abby smiled softly, knowing that Erin was only saying this because she cared deeply about Holtzmann.

“I get it.” Abby spoke, “But honestly, I can’t do this without her. Would it make you feel better if you come along?”

The physicist looked down at her feet, still not happy. “Not really, I mean she’d still be out there.”

“What’s up?” Holtzmann suddenly asked, stepping between her friends. “You guys ready?”

Erin turned around to look at the blonde. “Holtz,” She started, trying to take her time so she wouldn’t say something stupid. “I know how important this is to you and Abby, but I-“

“Stop right there.” Holtzmann said, holding up her hands, “I know you’re worried and all that, but I promise you I’m gonna be just fine.”

“Yeah well, I don’t like it.”

“You don’t have to like it.”

Erin frowned, she wasn’t used to Holtzmann snapping at her like this. Also, she was frustrated because honestly, was it really that unreasonable of her to want Holtzmann to stay home? The doctor did say she needed to rest, especially the first couple of days.

“Holtz please, the doctor said-“

“The doctor said a lot of stuff, and I promise that this will only take about an hour, after that, I’m gonna be back in bed. Okay?”

Erin felt herself getting more and more agitated by the second. Holtzmann going was definitely not okay, but she had a feeling that no matter what she would say, the blonde would still be going.

“I’m coming with.” Is what she decided to say instead, because if Holtzmann was going to run after a ghost in her condition, Erin sure as hell was going to be there to pick her off the floor when it would all go wrong, and she had a feeling it definitely would.

“Sure. Let’s go then.”

**_Saturday, 4th of March, 08:53 AM_ **

They arrived about 15 minutes later. Patty was already waiting for them outside of the subway station.

“Good lord, that took forever.” She said, immediately dragging them along back into the subway station.

“What happened?” Abby asked as she struggled to keep up with Patty. Holtzmann was practically running by now, pushing the cart of equipment in front of her, even though Erin had tried to convince her to hand some of the stuff over about a million times.

“I told y’all. I saw a ghost.”  
  
“Sweet, wonderful Patty,” Holtzmann started, “We know that already, we wanna know what happened before you saw the ghost.”

“Yeah,” Abby added, “Also, did you get a good look? Was it another class 4 entity?”

“Can you speak English?”

“Nevermind that.” Erin said, moving to stand in front of Patty. “Just tell us what you saw, and be as specific as possible.”

Patty sighed deeply, gesturing towards the three women to follow her further down the stairs until they were standing next to the rails. “Alright so, there was this weird dude standing next to me, and all of the sudden he went on the tracks.”

Abby glared at her. “Wait, so you followed him on the tracks or something?”

The other woman shrugged as if that meant nothing. “Yeah, what was I supposed to do?”

“Maybe not go and risk your life?” Erin responded, upset that her friend had risked going on the tracks to follow some random guy.

“See, I don’t know if you know this, but I worked here before I started at Columbia.”

“Wait, for real?” Holtzmann asked, panting a little bit and trying not to show Erin how badly her ribs were hurting from the small walk and the weight of the cart.

“Yeah, used to be an MTA worker.”

Holtzmann smiled widely. “Nice.”

Patty returned her smile before turning her attention back towards Erin and Abby. “Anyways, I know my way around this place, which is why I followed him into the tunnel.”

“Can we go?” Abby asked as she pointed at the tunnel Patty had been talking about.

Patty looked around, clearly trying to determine if it was safe for them to go on without anyone seeing them. Then, she walked towards the few small steps that lead them further into the tunnel, gesturing for the others to follow her.

“Are we just going to ignore the sign that says ‘Do not enter or cross the tracks’?” Erin asked, causing both Abby and Holtzmann to shake their heads.

“Erin, for the love of god, get your butt over here.” Abby said, following Patty into the tunnel and then pulling on Erin’s hand to drag her further as well.

Holtzmann was the last of the four to follow. “Guys, I cannot do it by myself. This equipment is untested and highly unstable.”

Erin turned around and helped Holtzmann carry the stuff down the few steps, the blonde immediately taking hold of the cart again once it was safely on the floor.

“All right ladies, we got a limited for when the next train arrives. I’m tellin' you. And don’t touch the third rail unless y’all dainty ass can handle 750 volts.”

“Wow, Patty. You really know your stuff.” Erin said, turning around to smile at her friend. She felt a little bit bad not knowing that Patty had worked as an MTA worker, especially because the other woman knew so much about her.

“Nah, that’s just the don’t-wanna-get-killed-on-your-first-day stuff they teach ya here.”

“Well, good to know.”

Abby stepped forward then, pulling on Erin’s arm to get her attention. “What is that? Is that a burn?” She asked.

Erin frowned and stepped closer, being careful not to touch anything that could possibly kill her. “Could be, yes.”

“That’s where I saw that weird sparking thing I mentioned on the phone.”

“What was it?” Holtzmann asked, figuring she should probably at least try to engage in the conversation, or else Erin would realize something was wrong.

Patty turned around to look at the blonde. “Baby, if I knew what it was, I wouldn’t say ‘a weird sparking thing’.”

Holtzmann snorted. “Nah, you probably still would.”

“Yeah, probably.”

Erin, having momentarily forgotten about the situation with Holtzmann, picked something up from the floor, immediately showing it to Abby. “This looks like fission scorch.”

“What? Fission scorch down here?” Abby said, as if it was the most ridiculous thing ever.

Then, she leaned closer. “Except that you’re right. What is – Wait, I’m smelling both electrical discharge and-“

“Isotopic decay.” Erin and Abby said at the same time.

“How is that-,” Abby started, still confused about what they had found, “Holtzmann?”

The blonde, who had been lingering in the back next to Patty, suddenly realized that someone was speaking to her, immediately stepping away from her cart and slowly making her way over towards where the other two were standing. Now that she no longer had her cart to lean on, she realized exactly how badly she was hurting. She really, really, should have taken her medicine this morning. However, she couldn’t just tell them she had forgotten, especially after Erin had reminded her multiple times to take it, and had even placed it on her nightstand along with a glass of water.

“What’s wrong?” She asked, almost there now.

“Come here, I need your snoot on this.” Abby responded.

Finally, Holtzmann was next to Erin, leaning a little bit closer to her than she normally would have, but at least it was a nice way to steady herself.

“Am I nuts?” Abby asked, although Holtz still wasn’t sure what the two of them had even been talking about. Luckily, Patty interrupted them before she could stammer a response.

“Ey, ey guys. While y’all over there making out with that dirty piece of garbage, we only got a couple of minutes.”

The four of them were suddenly startled as the lights around them flickered and then turned off completely, making the whole situation a lot creepier than it had been a couple of minutes before. Abby, who had been holding the PKE meter, stared at it as the device suddenly came to life, once again surprised that Holtzmann had managed to make this. Holtzmann was looking further into the tunnel, spotting something red in the distance, something that looked a lot like a set of eyes.

“Do you see that?” She asked, “The eyes!”

Erin rolled her eyes, annoyed that the blonde refused to take anything serious sometimes. “All right Holtzmann, now is not the time to be messing with-“

“No.” Holtzmann interrupted her, then nodded towards the figure floating a few feet away from them.

Finally, Erin and Abby noticed it too, both letting out surprised gasps.

“Hey Patty, can I get some illumination on this subject?” Abby asked.

“Yeah, I can put some light on that.”

She picked up a flashlight and suddenly there was a ghost, another class 4 apparition, floating there. While the ghost in the Aldridge mansion had been beautiful, this one just looked scary. Still, Erin and Abby couldn’t help but smile as they looked at the ghost. Holtzmann was completely stunned, momentarily frozen in her spot. She obviously had seen the video that Abby and Erin had made when they visited the mansion, but it was nothing compared to the real thing.

“Oh boy.” Abby said, not able to take her eyes of the ghost.

“That is more and more unsettling.” Erin took a small step back, not really wanting to talk to this one and risk getting slimed again.

“That’s the dude I saw! I’m telling you, that’s him!” Patty said, struggling to keep the flashlight on the ghost while all she wanted to do was run far, far away from here. How in the hell had she ended up in this situation?

“We got another class 4, this one’s even more ionized than the one at the Aldridge Mansion.” Abby failed to hide her enthusiasm, clearly way more excited (and less freaked out) about the ghosts than the others.

“I gotta get this on film.” She said, putting the PKE meter away and looking for her camera which she was sure was somewhere in her purse. “Holtzmann.”

The blonde snapped out her thoughts, quickly making her way over towards the cart again. “Yup.” She said, leaning on the cart for a quick second before she started setting up the equipment.

“You okay baby?” Patty asked, noticing how pale the engineer cheeks were.

“Yeah, yeah, fine.” She said, ignoring her friend's gaze on her as she continued to work. “This is a little rough.” The engineer said, staring at Abby and Erin now, “It’s in its early stages. Gotta be honest. Just gonna plug these things in here.”

She walked over towards where the other two were standing, Abby keeping the camera firmly on Holtzmann’s face as she planted her feet firmly on the floor and pointed the proton gun at the ghost.

“Wait, wait.” Erin had been watching the blonde move and work for the last couple of minutes, and wanted to smack herself in the face for not having realized something was wrong sooner.

“We don’t have much time.” Abby responded, not sure why Erin had stopped Holtz.

“Just-“ Erin started, reaching over to take the gun from the blonde’s hands. “Let me do this.”

“Why?”

“I uh- I have the longest arms.” She said, knowing it was stupid, but she also didn’t want to say it was because she was worried about Holtzmann, knowing the blonde would just get upset with her again.

“Oh.” Holtzmann spoke, not really sure why Erin was doing this, but also aware of how badly her head was pounding right now. “Okay then.” She handed over the gun and pointed at the ghost. “That’s gonna shoot a proton gun at that ghost, okay? So whenever I say ‘go’ you just do that.”

“You guys might wanna hurry up.” Patty said, aware that they had about a minute or two left before the train was going to arrive.

“Oh my god, I forgot the most important part.” Holtzmann rushed towards the cart and pulled out a collar. She ran back towards where Erin was standing, momentarily not caring about her pain, and reached up to wrap it around the redhead’s neck. “Sorry. Erin, this is just a little bit of grounding so you don’t die immediately.”

The engineer placed her hand on Erin’s shoulder and slightly leaned on her. “Do you know your iron level?”

“Uh.. no.” Erin responded, suddenly not so sure that taking the device from Holtzmann had been the best decision. Then, the other woman patted her shoulder. “It’s fine.” She said, before making her way over towards the cart again.

“Okay Erin, on my cue.” Holtzmann said, “Ready, aim, fire!”

Erin did as she was told and pointed the gun at the ghost. However, the stream only got about halfway there, making the ghost even more pissed off.

“Okay, this is a little underwhelming, can we get more power?” Abby asked, still keeping the camera focused on the ghost while she turned around to look at Holtzmann.

“Yeah, yeah.” The engineer responded, typing something on the machine. “Try it again. Fire!”

Erin was almost blown off her feet this time, with the stream being much more powerful. It wrapped around the ghost, which unfortunately for them was still fighting.

“This isn’t working.” She said, not able to hide her fear. “Can this beam get any stronger?”

“Well, not at the moment.” Holtzmann responded.

Suddenly, the ghost was even closer to Erin, knocking her off her feet and making her fall on her back.

“That’s the train, we gotta move!” Patty called out, rushing over to where Erin was standing and helping Abby pick her up while Erin tried to control the ghost.

“Just try to lure him back to the platform.” Abby said.

Holtzmann watched as her two friends picked Erin up and started dragging her towards the platform. She ran ahead, not caring at all about her cart, or the pain in her body. She needed Erin safe, needed all of them safe.

“Come on, come on, move!” Patty said to her, making her walk even faster as she could see the headlights of the train appearing at the far end of the tunnel. They only had a couple of seconds left.

“Hurry!” Erin yelled.

“That’s the express train, and it’s not stopping!”

They were almost there now, Holtzmann already jumping on the platform just as Abby and Patty pulled her up. The second Erin was safe she rushed back, quickly reaching out to pull the collar away from her, just as the train passed them. Then, she ducked away, managing to not get any slime on herself.

“Oh my god.” Abby said, “Did you see that? Oh, you can’t see anything.” She reached out and wiped some of the slime off Erin’s eyes.

“I almost got killed.” She responded, still not sure what had happened just now.

“Yeah, and it was awesome.” Abby said, clearly excited about what had just happened, even though they had failed to catch the ghost.

“Holtzy didn’t even get any slime on her.” Patty said, causing Erin to turn around and look at the blonde.

“That’s not fair.” She said, managing a soft smile. Her smile faded, though, once she noticed how horrible the blonde looked. Her skin was completely pale, and it appeared as though she wasn’t even listening to her friends anymore. She leaned on one of the columns, breathing heavily.

“Holtzmann?” She asked, moving away from Patty and Abby and slowly making her way over towards where she was standing, not caring about the slime, or the ghost, or anything else right now. “Holtz, are you okay?” She tried again.

Suddenly, the blonde collapsed, Erin managing to stop her from hitting her head as she awkwardly caught her in her arms. “Shit, shit. Oh my god. Holtzmann! Shit. Guys, call an ambulance!"

Abby and Patty, still confused as to what exactly was happening, both pulled out their phones. “There’s no service.” Abby said, the two of them sharing a look before rushing away from Erin. “We’ll be right back okay, just stay here with her.”

Erin didn’t even look up. “Hurry, please.”

She stroked Holtzmann’s still pale cheek and reached out to hold her wrist, noticing how her heartbeat was a little bit slower than normal. “Holtzmann, please, just open your eyes for me.”

Miraculously, it worked. Somehow, the engineer managed to open her eyes just a little bit. “Hey.” She said, already trying to sit up again.

“Don’t you dare.” Erin responded, softly pushing her back. “What happened?”

Holtzmann avoided eye contact with Erin as she gestured towards her ribs. “Hurts.”

“I figured.”

“Didn’t take my meds.”

Erin frowned then. “Holtzmann, why? I didn’t even want you coming with us when I thought you had. You know it’s not safe right?”

“I’m sorry.”

Erin stared at her, worried and angry at the same time and not sure what to do or say. “We’ll talk about that later.” She said then, noticing how both Abby and Patty were returning and quickly helping Erin pick the blonde up from the floor.

“Let’s just get you to the hospital.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> soooo what did you think?


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! 
> 
> Another update!  
> It's a bit shorter than my usual ones, because I wasn't actually going to update.. but then I realized that starting next week I will barely have any time at all to write.. and I didn't want to make you guys wait too long for this next one. 
> 
> Anyways, hope you'll like it.  
> As always, thanks for all of the comments and kudos, they truly make my day and I love each and every one of you <3
> 
> xx E

**_Saturday, 4th of March, 02:11 PM_ **

Holtzmann woke up in an empty hospital room. A different room than the one she’d been in before, but definitely the same hospital, because she’s wearing that ridiculous outfit again. She’s not in pain, which is good, and she’s not hooked up to any machines, which is probably also good.

“You’re up.” Abby said, and Holtzmann hadn’t even heard her enter the room. She softly smiled at her friend, a smile which only widened when she noticed the bag of donuts that she was holding.

“Yep. Any of those for me?”

Abby snorted and moved closer, handing Holtzmann one of the donuts. “Only because the doctors said it was okay.”

“Thanks.” Holtzmann answered, trying to fit most of the donut in her mouth at once, something that never failed to annoy her friend.

“What happened?” She asked after she’d finished the donut.

The brunette sighed deeply before sitting down in the chair next to the engineer’s bed. “Well, as you probably know, your ribs were not quite used to all the running around yet. Plus, apparently, you didn’t take your meds-“

Holtzmann frowned, clearly not remembering the moment she’d passed out and had spilled her little secret.

“You told Erin. Anyways, it comes down to the fact that you passed out from the pain, plus there was a lot of stress, no breakfast... you get it.”

“But I’m fine?”

Abby smiled. “Yeah, you’re fine. You gave us quite a scare, though. Patty practically threatened the paramedic who was driving the ambulance.”

Holtzmann chuckled, something which wasn’t really comfortable for her ribs. “Why?”

“She was upset because she thought we weren’t going fast enough, but in her defence, we did still think you were in actual danger.”

The blonde laughed again. “I’m sorry I scared you guys.” Her smile faded and she reached out to squeeze Abby’s hand. “I really am.”

The researcher smiled softly at her. “Well, I’m sorry too. I should never have let you come along. I should have just listened to Erin.”

“Yeah.. speaking of..” Holtzmann started, not quite finishing her sentence, though.

“She went home about an hour ago, Patty’s somewhere in the hospital.”

“Oh. Is she- Is Erin okay?”

Abby could see how hard this was for Holtzmann, the blonde never being very comfortable with talking about her feelings.

“I think so. Honestly, I’m not so sure. You really scared her.”

“Shit. I have to get out of here and apologize to her.”

She immediately sat upright and tried to get out of the bed, but before she could even place her feet on the ground, Abby was already pushing her back. “Nope. You’re not going anywhere. These doctors are seriously gonna kill me if I let you out of the bed.”

“But I’m fine.” Holtzmann said as she pouted her lips.

“Yeah, I know that, but they told me you could leave at 5, and I don’t really want to have to pick you off the floor again.”

“Okay then, mom.”

**_Saturday, 4th of March, 04:54 PM_ **

“Holtzy, oh my god.”

Holtzmann had changed into her normal clothes about an hour ago, and was now pacing around the room.

“But Patty, I have to go.” She said, sounding very much like a five-year-old.

“Yeah, baby, trust me, I know that. You just gotta wait five more minutes.”

Abby was on the other side of the room, talking to one of the doctors as they discussed the paperwork Holtzmann had filled in.

“Dr. Holtzmann.” The doctor suddenly spoke, causing the blonde to momentarily stop pacing the room. “I thought I told you to stay in bed, yet I hear from your friends that you were running around and carrying heavy equipment of some kind?”

Holtzmann smiled at the doctor. “I just missed you, Doc.”

“Jesus Christ.” Patty muttered under her breath.

The doctor just laughed, clearly a bit used to the engineer’s weird behavior by now.

“Ignore her, please.” Abby said, moving to stand next to Holtzmann. “It’s partly our fault, doctor Montgomery, we had a work emergency.”

The man shook his head. “Do I even want to know what you guys do for a living that causes you to risk all of your lives by running through subway tunnels?”

“Trust me.” Patty answered, “You don’t.”

“I figured. Anyways, the papers are okay, so you’re officially free to leave. But-“ He stared directly at Abby and Erin then, “Please make sure she stays in bed.”

“Will do. Thank you, doctor.”

**_Saturday, 4th of March, 05:30 PM_ **

“I’m sorry we had to walk all the way to your apartment, I just- I wasn't ready, I guess...” Holtzmann said when they arrived at Abby’s apartment.

“That’s okay, it wasn’t that far.”

“Yeah, don’t worry about that. We totally understand.” Patty agreed.

Holtzmann smiled at her friends before following them inside. “Tell me again, why exactly are we here instead of at Erin’s?”

Abby placed her keys on her kitchen counter before turning around to look at Holtzmann. “Honestly, I don’t know. I told you, she asked me to bring you here, said she needed to do something.”

“Did she say anything to you?” The engineer asked Patty.

“Nah, I would have told you if she did, you know that.”

Holtzmann frowned, not understanding what was going on. She knew that she had probably upset Erin, but also knew that not being able to talk to her about it was only going to make it worse. She pulled out her phone and quickly send a text to the physicist.

 **05:41 PM**  
**Holtzmann: Hey Er.. just wanted to let you know I’m okay. We’re at Abby’s right now, if you wanna come over or something….**

 **05:41 PM**  
**Holtzmann: Not that you have to…**

 **05:42 PM**  
**Holtzmann: I wish we could just talk about this in person, but just so you know.. I am really sorry about what happened.**

 **05:44 PM**  
**Holtzmann: Are you there?**

Patty had been watching Holtzmann for the last couple of minutes, aware of how worried the younger woman looked. “Is she not texting you back?”

Holtzmann shook her head, still not quite looking up from her phone, even though she had locked the screen.

“Patty-“ She started, not really sure how she should ask this, already feeling like she was asking too much from her friends.

“I’ll go over, make sure she’s okay.”

“Thank you.” Holtzmann responded, her voice barely above a whisper.

Patty smiled and wrapped her up in a hug, being careful not to hurt the smaller woman. “Of course baby.” She pulled back then, quickly saying goodbye to Abby before leaving.

**_Saturday, 4th of March, 06:03 PM_ **

“Yo, baby! I know you’re home so you better open this door or I’m gonna knock it down”

She pounded on the door again, even louder this time. “Erin, you know I’m not kidding.”

Just as she was about to knock again, the door was pulled open, revealing Erin. She was dressed in sweatpants and her MIT sweater. She didn’t even say anything to Patty, just stepped out of the way to let her in before stumbling back to the couch.

“Is she okay?” Erin asked once Patty was sitting next to her on the couch.

“Uh-“ Patty stammered, still not quite sure what was going on. “Yeah, she’s uh- she’s great. Mostly worried about you.”

Erin pulled her feet up and wrapped her arms around them. “I’m sorry.”

The dark haired woman reached out to pat Erin’s knee. “Don’t be, baby. Just talk to me.”

Just as Erin was about to say something, her stomach rumbled, causing the other woman to chuckle. “Okay then, food first. I’ll order something. Pizza okay?”

“Yeah, that’s fine.”

After Patty finished ordering two large pizza’s for them, she went into Erin’s kitchen to get two glasses of wine before walking back to the other woman and sitting down next to her again. “Talk.”

Erin looked up and smiled softly at her friend. “I don’t know where to start.”

Patty returned the other woman’s smile and handed her the glass of red wine. “That’s what the wine is for.”

The physicist chuckled before taking a sip of her wine.

“Just start wherever you want. It doesn’t have to make sense.”

Erin took a deep shaky breath before talking. “I’m angry.”

“Why?”

“Because she didn’t listen to me, because she didn’t take her medicine, because she didn’t let me help her, because she didn’t tell me how she was feeling.” Another deep breath. “I’m mostly mad at myself, though.”

This causes Patty to frown, clearly not understanding. “Why would you be mad at yourself?”

“Because I should have seen it, because I should never have let her go, I should have insisted or something like that. And also because I care so-“ She realized she was starting to cry, but it was too late to stop it now, “I care so much about her, and it’s just so scary.”

Patty was beginning to understand what was actually going on. “I understand, Erin, I do. But you not talking to her is not going to help. In fact, it might actually have the opposite effect.”

Erin raised an eyebrow.

“You and I both know she’s gonna ignore the doctor again and come running over if you don’t at least talk to her.”

The redhead chuckled. “I know, I know. But I just- I can’t.”

Patty reached over and pulled Erin into her arms. “That’s okay.”

“It’s not. It’s horrible, and I know that. I’m just-“

“You’re angry.”

“Yeah, I’m angry. I’m angry and I’m worried that this is what it’s going to be when we get together. I’m just going to be worried about her every minute of every day.”

Patty wanted to say about a million things, about how ridiculous it was, about how avoiding Holtzmann definitely wasn’t the solution, how about it would get better, about how yes- the engineer was a bit reckless from time to time, but she was always going to be just fine. They all were. As long as they had each other. However, she said nothing, knowing that Erin needed to figure this out for herself. Something Patty knew she would, eventually. Also, the pizza arrived and she was hungry.

So they ate, and talked about the ghost in the subway.

“So I’m guessing you’re not going to join Abby and Holtz then?”

Erin suddenly realized that avoiding Holtzmann also would make it hard to work on her relationship with Abby. “I guess, yeah.”

Patty smiled softly, knowing that yeah, this sucked, but they were going to be alright, as long as the two of them would just get it together for once and figure their feelings out. Her phone buzzed then, and she reached for it, not surprised to find out it was a text from Holtzmann.

 **06:42 PM**  
**Holtzy: How is she? Is everything okay?**

 **06:42 PM**  
**Holtzy: Please just tell me.. I don’t care if she hates me or whatever.. i just need to know.**

Patty sighed deeply, sad to see both of her friends in so much pain.

 _06:44 PM_  
_Patty: She’s okay, bit sad. can’t really tell u more._

 **06:44 PM**  
**Holtzy: that’s okay. I understand. As long as she’s okay. Tell her i miss her.**

 _06:45 PM_  
_Patty: Will do, baby. Get some rest._

 **06:45 PM**  
**Holtzy: thanks. Also, I’m staying at Abby’s tonight.. probably better for everyone. Can u tell her? She’s still not responding to my texts and I don’t want her to worry about that.**

Patty had already figured that Holtzmann wasn’t going to stay at Erin’s place tonight, and even though she really wanted them to talk and be okay, she also realized that they both just needed to think right now.

“Everything okay?” Erin asked, who had been quietly eating her pizza while Patty talked to Holtzmann.

“Yeah, she’s alright. She told me to tell you she missed you, and that she’s staying at Abby’s.”

Erin frowned. “Oh.”

Patty grabbed the redhead’s hand and squeezed it. “She didn’t want you to have to worry about her.”

Erin snorted. “Yeah.. well.. that’s exactly the problem isn’t it?”

Before Patty got the chance to respond, Erin was talking again, clearly not wanting to discuss it anymore. “Just tell her I miss her too.”

“Of course.”

 _06:48 PM_  
_Patty: told her. i think she’s a bit upset, but u made the right decision. She said she missed u too._

 **06:48 PM**  
**Holtzy: Thank you, Patty.**

**_Saturday, 4th of March, 07:00 PM_ **

“Patty’s staying with Erin.” Holtzmann said when she put her phone down.

Abby smiled at her. “That’s good. She shouldn’t be alone.”

“Yeah, I’m glad too.”

“But you wish she’d just want you there.”

The blonde looked at her empty plate, suddenly wishing there was still something on there so she could distract herself. “Kinda, yeah, is that selfish?”

“No, of course not. But you know Erin.. she needs to figure this out for herself.”

“I know.”

She picked up her phone again, checking if Erin had responded to any of her texts, and not surprised to see that she hadn’t. She decided to send the physicist one last text before giving up, because she didn’t really want to pressure Erin in talking to her.

 **07:04 PM**  
**Holtzmann: Hey, you don’t have to answer to this. Just want to wish you a good night. Let me know when you’re ready to talk, I’ll be here. <3**

She locked her phone and put it away, reaching for her beer instead. “What do you think is going on with her?” She asked Abby.

“Well..” Abby started, “I think I have an idea, having known Erin for quite some time, but really.. it’s not my place.”

“Yeah.. sorry. We’ll stop talking about it now.”

“Don’t apologize, I understand. Want to watch a movie?”

That definitely made the blonde happier, and the two of them spend the rest of the night watching movies until eventually, around 10 PM, Abby forced Holtzmann into some old pajamas that she had left at Abby’s place another time, and told her to go to bed. Reluctantly, Holtzmann agreed. Just as she was about to turn off her phone for the night, she noticed that she had a new notification. Instantly, she opened up her messages, her heart skipping a beat when it showed a new text from Erin.

 _09:12 PM_  
_Erin: Sleep well, Holtzmann. <3_

Holtzmann fell asleep with a hopeful smile on her face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ;)


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, 
> 
> Sorry for the somewhat longer wait. As most of you know, my life is crazy right now. Like seriously, crazy.  
> I'm working so much and barely have any time to write. I'm seriously exaushted right now and have to get up really early again tomorrow but you're all so kind and deserve an update. 
> 
> I'm going to try to update again as soon as I can but I honestly don't know when that will be. It could be soon, but it could also take a week or two (no more than that, I promise). 
> 
> Anyways, in the meantime you could try reading my new story? I just posted the first chapter! It's called: [5 times Holtzmann tries to kiss Erin and they get interrupted and 1 time they don- no, wait, they still get interrupted but really.. who cares? (Certainly not Holtzmann)](http://archiveofourown.org/works/10372029/chapters/22912251) (You can click the link ;))
> 
> I actually have all 6 chapters finished already and will be updating it super frequently so that you all have something to read while I try to work on this one. 
> 
> Okay, I'm going to let you read this chapter now, I'm sure you don't wanna hear me complaining about my life haha. 
> 
> xx E

_2 Weeks later._  
**Saturday 18th of March, 2:00 PM**

“Abby. Please tell me you’ve found something.” Holtzmann said as soon as she heard her friend entering her apartment. Holtzmann's sitting on the floor, surrounded by pieces of scrap metal and tools. She’s working on a new and improved version of the proton gun she’d build last week. However, the test didn’t go so well so now she's back to where she started.

The brunette sighed and took a step closer to where the blonde was sitting, being careful not to step on any of the stuff. “I mean.. maybe.”

“Maybe sounds perfect to me.” The engineer responded, “Anything is better than working in your apartment.”

“You’re telling me.” Abby chuckled. “Ever since we got kicked out of Higgins this apartment has been a total mess.”

“Well, I’m sorry. I told you I was fine with going back to my own place and working there.”

The brunette shook her head. “No, it’s fine. I mean, I know you’re doing much better, but I’d still like to be around in case something, or _when_ something, blows up.”

“I know, I know.”

“Anyways uh, the place is okay. It’s above our favorite Chinese restaurant, actually.”

“That sounds great!”

“Yeah, maybe Bennie will have less trouble delivering on time if we’d move in above him.”

“Probably not.”

They both smile. Holtzmann is about to ask something else when there’s a knock on the door.

“Yo guys, it’s me! Let me in!” Patty yelled through the door.

“Coming!”

Patty is already talking before Abby has even properly closed the door, both her and Holtzmann very confused as to what the other woman is talking about.

“Patty, you have to slow down.”

“Yeah, we don’t really know what you’re saying right now.” Holtzmann chimed in.

The dark haired woman shook her head before finally calming herself down and taking a seat at Abby’s dinner table.

“Okay so, remember how I said I was gonna talk to my uncle?”

They nod.

“Well, turns out that we can get a car!”

“What?” Holtzmann responded, immediately jumping up and rushing over towards where Patty is still sitting. “Are you serious right now?”

“Hell yeah.”

The blonde threw her arms around her and hugged her friend. “This is so cool! It will make everything so much easier. I was really tired of having to carry stuff around.”

She moved away then so that Abby could hug Patty as well. The two of them had gotten closer and closer over the last two weeks, and Holtzmann loved seeing their friendship developing.

“That’s great, Patty. Thank you!”

“No problem. I also got these overalls so we all won’t have to be covered in slime anymore.”

Patty handed over the overalls, smiling when both Holtzmann and Abby responded enthusiastically, the blonde immediately running away to go try it on. As soon as Holtzmann was out of earshot, Abby turned towards the other woman and leaned in a bit closer. “Any news?”

“Not really. I was at her place yesterday. It’s still the same.”

“Shit.”

“Yeah, you could say that. However, I did get her an overall as well.” Patty responded then, opening her bag and showing it to Abby.

“That’s really nice, but just don’t let Holtzmann see. She’ll get her hopes up again.”

“I know. She still making Erin one of those things as well?” She asked as she gestured towards the proton pack.

“I think so, yeah.”

“Poor baby.”

“Yeah.. but I mean, I honestly don’t know what Erin’s going to do. I actually think she still wants to join us, but I’m not going to tell that to Holtz.”

“Probably smart.”

“Uhu. I am happy, though, that you decided to join us.”

Patty chuckled and patted the other woman’s arm. “Y’all need Patty. Patty comes with benefits.”

Abby laughed out loud. “True. I mean, the car’s great, and so are the overalls, and you know way more about New York than the two of us combined.”

“I’m also a badass Ghostbuster.”

“So, we’re sticking with that name, huh?”

“We voted. It was two against one. Your loss.”

Abby smiled. “See, this is why I need Erin, she wouldn’t have liked it either.” She meant it as a joke, but it somehow sounded sadder than she had intended. Patty noticed and briefly squeezed her hand.

“It’s gonna be okay.”

Holtzmann emerged then, smiling brighter than Abby had seen her smile in the last two weeks.

“You like it?” Patty asked.

“I love it Patty, thank you!”

They chatted for a little bit, until it was almost 3:30. “Oh shit, I have to go.” Abby said as soon as she noticed.

“Are you going to see Erin?” Holtzmann asked, not quite making eye contact.

“You have anything for her?” The brunette asked, by now knowing that Holtzmann sometimes likes to do that.

“Uh yeah, let me just get it.” Holtz answered, walking over towards the couch to retrieve the little note she had written earlier.

“Really Holtzy?” Patty chuckled as she read the note.

“You think she’ll like it?”

“She’ll love it. Want me to get her some coffee as well?” Abby gestured towards the small number Holtz had written down as well, knowing that she was referring to the amount of coffee’s she still owed Erin.

“If it’s not too much trouble, yeah.”

“Of course not! I’m gonna go now, but I’ll see you guys later.”

* * *

**Saturday 18th of March, 4:01 PM**

“Erin! It’s me! Open up!”

“Hold on!” The redhead yelled back from the other side of the door. Minutes later, it was pulled open, revealing Erin. She was still wearing her pajamas, something that wasn’t really uncommon once she had been fired from her job.

“No clothes?” Abby asked.

“No, didn’t feel like it.” The other woman answered, making Abby question how well she was really taking care of herself.

“Oh, okay. How are you doing?”

The other woman put on a fake smile. “Great.”

“Erin.”

“No really, I’m great.”

She wasn’t. They both knew that. After what had happened between Holtzmann and Erin, the physicist had pretty much closed up and refused to really talk about what was going on in her mind. Abby knew, from what Patty had told her, that the other woman was afraid of losing Holtzmann. So she’d fallen back into her old habits of pushing people away just like she’d done to Abby. She should be mad at her, refuse to talk to her, get her out of her life again. But she couldn’t. Obviously, Holtzmann still cared a lot about her, they all did. She wasn’t going to let Erin get away so easy this time. She was going to fight. Was it really too much to ask to have all her friends around her, and happy?

“How are Patty and Holtzmann?” Erin asked then, snapping her from her thoughts. In the beginning, she figured the other woman was going to avoid talking about Holtz like the plague, but she must have realized that pretending nothing was wrong was a way better way to show she had given up. It worked. It scared Abby how easily Erin could talk about the other woman, making it appear she was just some kind of acquaintance they both knew, instead of her _friend,_ maybe even her girlfriend.

“Uh yeah, they're great.” She answered, then remembering she was still holding the cup of coffee. “Holtz actually asked me to give you this.”

“Oh.” Erin responded, and for a second she was caught off guard, her smile faltering just a little as she read the note.

**This might sound Cheesy, but I think you’re grate.**

**999,967.**

**x J**

Her eyes lingered on the note a little longer, rereading it a couple of times before finally looking up at Abby. Her fake smile was back in its place within seconds. “Tell her I liked it, will you?”

“You can tell her yourself, you know?”

“Abby-“ She started.

“Chill. I’m not saying you have to join us and become a Ghostbuster or anything. I’m not saying you have to start dating Holtzmann. Not if you don’t want to. I’m just saying that you owe her an explanation. We all really miss you, Erin. I know she’d kill me if I told you this, but Holtz is having a really hard time.”

Erin took a moment to take it all. “You’re called the Ghostbusters?”

Abby snorted. “Uh yeah. I’m not a big fan either. Holtz and Patty really loved it, so it was two against one.”

“Oh. Sorry.”

“Not your fault.”

They were silent for a moment then, until Erin finally spoke again. “I’ll uh- I’ll think about it. Okay?”

“Sure.”

Abby patted her knee before standing up from the couch and walking back towards the door. “Well.. bye then. I’ll call you tonight.”

“Okay.” Erin answered, fidgeting with the elastic of her pajama bottoms. Just as Abby was about to open the door, she stood up from the couch and quickly made her way over towards where the other woman was standing. She surprised Abby by wrapping her arms around her in a tight hug. The brunette took a moment to process what was happening before she carefully put her arms around Erin as well.

“Thank you.” Erin softly said. “I hope you know that this doesn’t mean I don’t care about you guys, about Holtz. Because I do, you know, care. It’s just- I’m so scared.”

Abby tightened her hold on her friend a little more before letting go of her. When she did she noticed that Erin’s eyes had watered. “I know, Erin. Like I said, I understand. But you have to realize that staying in this position isn’t going to solve it. Have a little faith, okay? I don’t know if this makes it any better, but I honestly think you two could be really great together.”

“Thanks.”

“Of course. You maybe want to have lunch tomorrow or something? So we can talk about it?”

Erin smiled. “I’d love that, but I already have plans with someone else. Maybe later?”

“Sure.”

* * *

**Sunday 19th of March, 11:45 AM**

“I’m almost there, where are you?” Erin asked, looking around the park with her phone pressed against her ear.

“Wait, I think I see you. I’m waving right now.”

“Yeah, I see you too now.” Erin answered before ending the call and making her way over towards where the other woman was sitting. Once she got closer she noticed where exactly she had decided to sit down. The bench. Her and Holtz’s bench.

“You okay?” The other woman asked, stepping closer so she could quickly wrap her arms around Erin.

“Sorry, yes, I’m fine. Déjà vu.”

They sat down next to each other, the other woman smiling softly at her. “So, how are you, sis? I haven’t heard from you in some time.”

Erin softly smiled. “I’m sorry. It’s uh- life has been crazy.”

“Don’t apologize, you know I understand.” The brunette answered.

“Thanks, Katie. How are mom and dad?”

Katie shrugged. “Fine. Annoying.”

Katie was Erin’s younger sister. Even though Erin had stopped talking to her parents a long time ago, Katie still had contact with them. It wasn’t great either, but since Katie was actually straight and didn’t believe in ghosts when she was younger, her parents never seemed to dislike her as much as they did Erin.

“So, nothing new.”

“No.”

They both laughed then. Erin liked how she could just not talk to Katie for weeks, months even, without it ever being awkward. There was never any tension between them. They both had busy lives, with Katie being a surgeon at a hospital in Boston (she became the kind of doctor her parents always wanted her to be).

“Tell me what’s going on Erin. I know you wouldn’t ask me to come over if it was nothing.”

The redhead looked down at her lap. “Uh.. I don’t really know where to start.”

“Just start at the beginning.”

Erin chuckled then, looking around at the park, and at the bench she was sitting on. “Surprisingly, it began right here.”

* * *

**Sunday 19th of March, 12:23 PM**

Holtzmann was restless. Had been the whole morning. She was almost done with the work she could do in an apartment. She needed a lab for the other stuff. A lab which they wouldn’t move into until noon the next day. Which seemed like forever.

She’d spend most of the morning trying to clean up her mess as best as she could. Abby was out having lunch with Patty. They’d asked her to join as well, because she could do pretty much everything by now, but she didn’t want to ruin their day with her complaining.

However, the apartment was clean now and there was nothing else to do. She didn’t like watching movies by herself, or reading, because she’d get distracted. There was also nothing in Abby’s fridge so she couldn’t cook either, something which always seemed to calm her down.

Just as she was about to go crazy she came up with the perfect plan. She’d go to the park. She hadn’t been there for some time and she really missed it. She could just chill on a bench, have some coffee, maybe do a bit of writing and sketching for some new equipment. Yeah, that sounded like a great plan.

Minutes later she was out of the door and ready to go. She quickly realized that taking a walk had been the right decision. The weather was nice, and the park wasn’t too crowded even though it was a Sunday. She found herself walking towards her usual place without even realizing she was doing it.

She rounded the corner, ready to see her bench waiting for her.

She stopped.

The coffee she had been holding fell to the ground.

She vaguely noticed how it burned her skin, but that didn’t matter right now.

_Erin._

Erin was there.

Erin and-

Erin and someone else.

And they were _hugging._

It seemed to last forever.

Or maybe time just wasn’t moving right now.

And fuck, she was still staring.

She turned around on her heels in a desperate attempt to get away from Erin and this mystery woman as quickly as possible.

“Shit!” She cursed loudly as someone else harshly bumped into her. “I’m sorry.” She said to them, not daring to look back at the bench.

Maybe she hadn’t heard.

“Holtzmann?”

_Oh no._

She started walking, as fast as she could, her lower leg still hurting from the coffee. One part of her didn’t want to do this. Not here, not now. Another part of her wanted to yell at Erin, wanted to hear an explanation, wanted to get her to at least say _something_ to her.

“Holtzmann stop!” Erin yelled.

She did.

“Erin.” She said, surprised by how harsh her voice sounded.

She could see the other woman flinch.

“I’m sorry.” The redhead said.

She scoffed. “About what?”

Erin fell silent, ducking her head down.

“Yeah see, you don’t even know. I’m just going to go. Have fun with your new girlfriend.” Holtzmann said, realizing she was getting more and more angry.

Just as she was about to turn away from the other woman, Erin reached out to her. “Wait, Holtz- She’s not-“

Holtzmann roughly pulled her arm away from Erin’s grip.

“No. Don’t touch me. You don’t get to do that right now.”

“Jillian-“

“Erin, I swear to god.”

The redhead threw her hands up in the air, clearly frustrated. “Just let me explain-“

“No. Erin. I’m done with hearing excuses and whatever. We’re either going to talk about this right fucking now, or I’m going to walk away and that’s it.”

They were silent for a little while, but Erin could hear and see Holtzmann struggling to stop herself from crying. It was heartbreaking. She had to do something, say something. Anything.

“Your choice, Erin.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the angst :( It's going to be fluffy again soon, I promise!


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, guys.. 
> 
> The usual, as you know.. got very busy (adding a fourth job to my three existing ones because I'm insane and who needs time to sleep right? No, I'm kidding, I'm gonna be fine just need to get past these next couple of weeks)
> 
> Anyways, I think you'll like this one more than the last one ;)
> 
> xx E

_Holtzmann roughly pulled her arm away from Erin’s grip._

_“No. Don’t touch me. You don’t get to do that right now.”_

_“Jillian-“_

_“Erin, I swear to god.”_

_The redhead threw her hands up in the air, clearly frustrated. “Just let me explain-“_

_“No. Erin. I’m done with hearing excuses and whatever. We’re either going to talk about this right fucking now, or I’m going to walk away and that’s it.”_

_They were silent for a little while, but Erin could hear Holtzmann struggling to stop herself from crying. It was heartbreaking. She had to do something, say something. Anything._

_“Your choice, Erin.”_

* * *

Erin stood still, suddenly aware of the other people in the park, especially her sister, who was still sitting just a couple of feet away from them and could probably overhear their conversation. She wasn’t worried about Katie finding out she was ‘dating’ a girl, after all, Katie already knew she was bisexual, she just didn’t feel quite comfortable discussing what exactly was going on right here, in front of everyone. She knows Holtzmann doesn’t care who sees, or hears, has probably had enough people stare at her in her life.

“Holtzmann.” She started, not even sure how she was going to finish this sentence. She glanced back towards where Katie was sitting, immediately noticing how worried her sister looked.

Holtzmann scoffed at her. “Seriously?” She said, although it sounded less harsh than she intended it to be, because her stupid fucking tears were streaming down her cheeks and her voice was unsteady.

Erin quickly turned her head back to look at the blonde, not understanding what she’d done wrong.

“Just go back to her, I know you want to.” Holtzmann clarified as she gestured towards where Katie was sitting.

“No, it’s not that-“ Erin tried, finding it harder and harder to communicate with the engineer. She seemed unreachable, unwilling or unable to listen to anything Erin had to say. She knew that if she could just touch her, she’d probably get the other woman’s attention, but Holtzmann made it clear she doesn’t want to be touched right now, and Erin has to respect that, has to give her her distance if that’s what she truly wants.

Holtzmann angrily wiped her tears away, then took a step closer so that she wouldn’t have to shout anymore. Some words weren’t meant to be heard by everyone around them.

“I just-“ She started, her throat feeling like sandpaper because of the crying, “I thought that we had something. Maybe I was stupid, or maybe I was just reading more into it. Because I really, really thought that you liked me back, Erin. Now I just feel like an idiot, because I’ve made this mistake before and I-“ She shook her head, tears streaming more frequently from her eyes again. She hadn't planned on bringing up the past, but yet, here she was.

“What mistake?” Erin asked quietly, wanting to know what exactly what Holtzmann was talking about.

Holtzmann took a few moments before talking again. “Not talking to someone, I guess you could say. I was falling for this girl, hard. And we kissed, and did other stuff too, and before I knew it I realized I loved her. I was going to surprise her at work and take her out and then I’d tell her. That was the plan.” She took a deep shuddering breath before continuing. “I walked in on her and this guy from her work.”

“Holtzmann that’s-“

“It doesn’t matter.”

“Of course it does.”

“No.” The blonde said, some of the anger returning. “Yeah, it sucked that she did that, but it wasn’t really her fault. We never talked about it. Turned out she just liked hanging out with me, sleeping with me, but that was it. She never even realized she was doing something wrong because we never admitted that we were girlfriends, or anything like that.”

Erin felt a sharp pain in her own heart. She had no idea that Holtzmann went through something like this. Heartbreak is always crappy, but it’s even worse when it happens like this. “Can I please say something?”

The blonde looked up and made eye contact with her. She stared into Erin’s eyes for a few moments before slowly nodding.

“Thank you.” Erin said, glad to finally get the chance to actually say something. “First of all, I’m sorry that happened to you. I know that you think it’s your own fault, but it doesn’t make it any less painful. Secondly, can you please, _please_ , come with me?”

Holtzmann frowned, not understanding what Erin meant. The redhead smiled softly at her, knowing it wasn’t going to help if she got very emotional or angry right now, she had to stay calm. She reached out her hand, watching how Holtzmann stared at it for a few seconds like it was a bomb about to go off, before finally making up her mind and tentatively taking Erin’s hand in hers. Erin briefly squeezed the engineer’s hand before dragging her along towards where her sister was still sitting, looking even more confused than before.

Holtzmann soon realized where they were headed, and tried to pull her hand back. “Erin, seriously, if you’re doing this to mess with me-“

“Holtz. Please.”

The blonde gave in, not quite trusting Erin but also wanting to find out what was going on. Then suddenly, they were standing in front of a tall brunette, who had stood up from the bench and was watching them with a strange expression on her face.

“Are you okay?” The woman asked Erin, who nodded briefly before looking over at Holtzmann.

“Holtzmann.” She started, “This is my sister, Katie.”

The blonde’s heart was practically beating in her throat. This woman was Erin’s sister? She felt relieved, obviously, but also horrible at the same time. Relieved because Erin wasn’t dating someone else, but also horrible because she’d yelled at the physicist, accused her of seeing someone else.

“Katie.” Erin then said, snapping Holtzmann from her thoughts, “This is Jillian, the woman I’m in love with.”

Everyone who knows Holtzmann knows that her confidence, humor, and flirting is just a coping mechanism. Everyone has one, hers just exists of a lot of bad jokes, puns, and winks. She never has trouble picking up a girl in a bar, because there isn't a lot of risk involved. If someone says no, she moves on to someone else. As long as there isn't too much at stake, emotionally, she is fine.

She's not fine right now.

She feels vulnerable, because she has just openly talked about her feelings towards someone else. That, already, is something that she isn't comfortable with. Then, she'd been angry at Erin for possibly cheating on her, followed by the guilt of finding out that she wasn’t. Now she's just confused. Erin is _in love_ with her? What in the hell is she supposed to do with that information? Had Erin known before she pushed her away? Was that the reason why? Or did she find out after distancing herself, because those two could mean very, _very_ different things. It could mean that Erin only just found out exactly how much she cared for her, how badly she wanted to be with her. That could be good, they could work with that, fight for it. It could also mean that Erin had already realized, but was scared, didn’t want to pursue her feelings, was fleeing away from her for good because she didn’t want to take this risk. That wasn’t good. In that case, she’d end up, heartbroken, again. It was fight or flight, either way, for both of them.

“Holtzmann?” Erin softly said, trying to get her attention.

Fight or flight.

“Jill?”

_Fight.._

“Is she okay?” Katie whispered.

_Or flight.._

Holtzmann turned on her heels and sprinted away from them, not even looking back as she kept running, even after she left the park, ignoring the pain in her lungs, in her ribs. She had to keep running.

* * *

**_Sunday 19th of March, 02:23 PM_ **

“I’m not going to tell you that you’re an idiot, because I think you already know that.”

“Abby.”

“I know, I know. That’s not what you need to hear right now.” Her friend responded, watching how Holtzmann paced around her apartment.

“Holtzmann, can you please sit down? I wanna help you and talk to you, but it’s a bit hard when you keep walking in circles. It’s making me nervous.”

“Sorry. I’m sorry.” She quickly apologized, still lost in her thoughts as she sat next to Abby on her couch.

“You don’t need to apologize.”

“Did Patty-

“Yeah, she did.”

Holtzmann whipped her head around, immediately wanting to know. “She’s fine, but it’s not my place to tell you anything else. You two need to talk to each other, don’t you realize that?”

“I do- I do know that. I need to tell her that I’m sorry.”

“That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you for the past hour.”

Holtzmann smiled softly. “But Abby, what if she tells me that she doesn’t want to be with me. No matter what she said to her sister about me, it doesn’t mean she’s ready for a real relationship. She still ran away from me.”

Abby reached over to take the blonde’s hand in her own. “And so did you, yet you still want to be with her. So really, I don’t think she’s going to say no, but either way, you two can’t keep ignoring this forever. It’s obviously not working.”

“Okay, okay. I’ll uh- I’ll go over to her place tonight.”

“That sounds good. Call me if you need me to come pick you up, or anything like that.”

“I will.”

“I’m serious,” Abby then said, shooting Holtzmann a warning glance. “No running away from her and ending up somewhere in a bar, or sneaking into the lab to blow shit up. We really need to keep that place.”

“Because of the food?”

Abby laughed. “No, because we need a place to work if we want to be Ghostbusters.”

Holtzmann gasped. “You said it! You said Ghostbusters!”

“Oh my god, you are insufferable.”

“Thank you. Also, I’m gonna tell Patty about this when I get back.”

“Please don’t.”

“You know I will.”

* * *

**_Sunday 19th of March, 09:14 PM_ **

Hours later, Holtzmann stood in front of Erin Gilbert’s apartment, holding a tray with two cups of coffee in one hand and flowers in the other. She realized that she had no way to knock then, unless she wanted to spill coffee or ruin the flowers.

“Uh, Erin?” She called out through the door.

She could hear someone walking on the other side. “Listen, I can’t knock but if you’re there can you please open the door. I really, really want to talk to you. I know you probably hate me right now but-“

Suddenly the door was pulled open, but it wasn’t Erin on the other side, it was Katie.

“Oh. Hi.” Holtzmann said awkwardly.

“Hello.” The other woman responded, not looking too happy to see her.

“I’m sorry to just barge in on you guys, but I uh- I wanted to come and apologize to Erin.”

Katie stared at her for a few moments, clearly trying to determine whether or not she should let her in. Then, her eyes fell down to the flowers, and she smiled softly.

“No roses.”

“Excuse me?”

“You didn’t get her roses.”

Holtzmann looked down at the flowers, suddenly worried she’d made the wrong choice after all.

“Uh, yeah? She uh- she doesn’t like them, right?” She said, making it sound more like a question.

Katie smiled at her, then pulled the door open to let her in. “She’s in the bedroom.”

“Is she okay?” Holtzmann immediately asked, not really wanting to find Erin crying in her bed. Even the idea of hurting her so badly made her almost sick to her stomach.

“Yeah, she’s alright. She’s just talking to her friend on the phone.”

“Okay, thanks. It uh- it really is great to meet you, even though the circumstances aren’t ideal.”

Katie chuckled at that. “You could say that, yes.”

Holtzmann started to turn away then, walking in the direction of Erin’s bedroom, when Katie placed a hand on her arm. “I don’t really like cliché’s, so I won’t say it, but just be careful, okay? She really likes you.”

The blonde smiled. “I won’t hurt her. I really like her, too. It’s just been a real struggle of getting there.”

“Okay, good. Well, I’m going out for a bit but I’ll probably be back in an hour or something.”

“Thanks.”

“No problem.”

Holtzmann finally made her way over towards Erin’s bedroom, which luckily for her, was already half-way open so she wouldn’t have to knock again. She could hear Erin was still on the phone – probably talking to Abby from what she could make out – so she quietly made her way inside and placed the flowers and coffee on the dresser in Erin’s room. The redhead noticed her and her eyes widened for a second.

“Uh, no, sorry Abby, I’m still here. But uh- could we maybe continue talking about this later? If that’s alright with you?”

She was silent, clearly listening to whatever Abby had to say.

“Okay, sure. Thanks. Uh- yeah. She’s here.”

Erin ended the call then, turning her body around so she could face Holtzmann, who was leaning against the dresser now.

“Hey.”

“Hi.”

“I got you flowers, and coffee.” The blonde said as she reached for a cup, also picking up the flowers so Erin could get a closer look at them.

Erin smiled as she took the items from the blonde. “Thank you for the flowers, they’re beautiful.”

“You’re welcome. I uh- I remembered you don’t like roses, and tulips they’re uh- they’re nice.”

“What do they mean?” Erin asked then.

The blonde raised her eyebrows. She really didn’t expect Erin to ask her that question. She knew the meaning, of course, she wasn’t just going to get Erin random flowers or something. It had to mean something, it had to make sense. What if she had bought her flowers that just meant ‘health’ or something like that.

“What? Like I don’t know that you totally spend an hour looking for the perfect kind?” Erin said, a teasing smile on her face. “I know you, Holtzmann. What do they mean?”

Holtzmann cleared her throat, then ducked her head down to avoid Erin’s gaze. “Uh- you know, same as roses.”

“Love?”

“Well.. yeah. I mean, roses mean love, mostly when you’re already with someone. Tulips are just- you know, a declaration of love.” She could feel Erin’s eyes on her. “But yeah, I mean, they’re just flowers.” She quickly added, not wanting to put too much pressure on the other woman.

“Oh.” Erin responded, not sure what to do with that information. Holtzmann was so hard to read sometimes. “Well, thanks for the coffee, too. That’s 999,965, isn’t it?”

“66.” Holtzmann corrected with a small smile on her face. She had no idea why they were still doing this, but it was nice, and it reminded them of how it all started.

“Are you actually going to buy me cups of coffee for the rest of my life?” Erin asked, her tone light even though the question itself was heavy.

“If you let me.” Holtzmann responded, more serious than she had intended at first.

Erin’s smile faded from her face. “We should talk.”

Holtzmann knew it too. They could keep dancing around it, but eventually, they were going to have to face their problems. Probably better to just do it now.

“Yeah, I uh- I guess we should.”

They physicist sighed deeply. “Okay, well, first of all, I want to say that I’m sorry. I’m sorry for not talking to you, I’m sorry for getting mad at you when you got hurt, I’m sorry for not being there for you. I really, really, wanted to, but I just uh- I couldn’t.”

“I'm sorry too, for running away from you this afternoon. And it’s okay. I mean, it sucked, but I just want to know why you did it.”

Erin nodded slowly. “Yeah, that seems fair. I mean, this might make me look like a horrible person, but I guess I was protecting us.”

“From what?” Holtzmann asked, seriously having no idea what Erin was talking about.

“From heartbreak, from a lot of pain, from crying, from more hospital visits.”

The engineer just frowned, clearly not quite understanding yet and pushing Erin to keep talking. “I told my sister the truth, Holtz. I really am falling in love with you. I realized it a while ago, and then you came along to the bust and you were so _reckless_ and you got hurt, again. I just, I was so worried about you.”

“But I was fine.”

“I know. But maybe next time you won’t be, or the time after that. Point is, I’m always going to be worried-“

“I can be extra careful, not tinker with stuff too much.” Holtzmann interrupted, causing Erin to frantically shake her head.

“No, no. I don’t want you to change, Holtz, of course not. You’re brilliant. It’s just that I was overthinking it and I didn't know what to do.”

“You should have talked to me.”

“I know, I know. But at first, I figured that maybe it was still early enough, maybe I could just..” Her voice trailed off, not really wanting to say what she had been thinking.

“You wanted to dump me like you dumped Abby.”

“Yes, I guess.” Erin wasn’t even upset about that comment, she had dumped Abby, even though the circumstances weren’t ideal, she _had_ walked away from her friend.

“But I almost immediately realized that I didn’t want that, couldn’t even do it if I wanted to.”

“And then what? I mean, you still weren’t talking to me.” Holtzmann said, still uncertain about where this was going.

“Yeah.. well.. I was thinking that maybe if I waited a bit, we could be friends. It seemed like the safer option.”

Holtzmann suddenly started walking around the bedroom, shaking her head while she did so. “No, I can’t do that, Erin.”

“Holtzmann-“ The redhead tried, but Holtzmann seemed unreachable once again.

“Please, god, Erin, I just- I’m sorry but I can’t just be your friend.”

The engineer finally stopped pacing around the bedroom, stopping in front of Erin. She wasn’t crying, but Erin could see her emotions clearly in her eyes.

“Listen, Er. I uh- I don’t want to freak you out or anything, but I also know we can’t just go on like this. I’ll never be able to be ‘just friends’ with you. I can’t do it. I can’t just be around you and joke with you and watch you kiss other people while I know that that could have been me. It could have been me to hold your hand, make you smile, kiss you, hug you. I know that you’re scared, but so am I. Maybe not for the same reasons, but I’m scared too. I don’t really do relationships. I’m just asking you to have some faith in me, in us.” She took a deep shuddering breath, taking one more step closer to Erin, making sure she had her full attention before speaking again.

“I’m all in, Erin. So we can either do this, and do it right, or you can walk away.”

There were a few seconds where nothing happened. They were standing in front of each other in Erin’s bedroom, both staring at the other. It was only about five seconds, but to Holtzmann it seemed to last an eternity. Suddenly, and without any warning, Erin rushed forwards and pressed their lips together.

Holtzmann was slightly caught off guard, her arms still hanging in the air before they finally found their way to Erin’s neck, using her grip to pull the other woman even closer. She moaned into the kiss, which seemed to make Erin even more confident. The physicist was now pushing her against the wall of her bedroom.

Erin deepened the kiss, moaning too now as she tasted the bitterness of the coffee, along with the distinct taste of cinnamon. It made her chuckle, forcing her to pull back from the kiss, breathing heavily.

“You okay?” Holtzmann asked, unsure why Erin had started laughing.

“Fine. Perfect.” She responded. “Just uh- cinnamon.” She gestured towards the blonde’s mouth, who then grinned sheepishly.

“Sorry.”

“No, it’s uh- I liked it.”

Holtzmann connected their lips again, smashing hers hard against Erin’s before finally letting the kiss develop into something more gentle, and sweet. After a while they were forced to pull back, both needing to take a breath.

“So.. uh.. does this mean?” The engineer tentatively asked, needing to hear Erin say it.

“I’m all in, too. I want this, us. I was uh- I already realized that I couldn’t simply be friends with you, and there was no way I was walking away from this, from you. I just didn’t know if you still wanted me after being so horrible to you.”

Holtzmann reached out and stroked the other woman’s cheek. “Of course I do.”

“I’m still scared, though.”

“I know. We’ll make it.”

Erin smiled at her, taking a deep breath to gather the courage she needed for her next question. “So.. do you, do you maybe want to go on a date with me? Tomorrow?”

Holtzmann’s smile widened instantly. “I’d love that.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd love to hear your opinions! :)


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FINALLY. 
> 
> I'm so busy and stressing about literally everything in my life urghhh
> 
> anyways this isn't really checked very well so I'm sorry about the mistakes.. 
> 
> Hope you like it! 
> 
> xx E

  
**Monday 20th of March, 09:10 AM**

Erin was sitting on her couch, staring straight ahead. It felt odd suddenly. Not having to go to Columbia. It was a Monday and she was at home, having absolutely nothing to do. She’d spent all morning cleaning the apartment and now everything was clean and she wouldn’t have to leave until around 11:30 to meet Holtzmann. Which was still such a long time. She pulled out her phone and decided to text the engineer.

_Erin: Hey.. how are you?_

**Holtz <3: I’m fine. You?**

_Erin: I’m great._

**Holtz <3: You’re not texting to cancel, are you?**

_Erin: Of course not! I was actually wondering if you could meet up a bit earlier?_

**Holtz <3: Uhh yeah, I mean I think so. If Abby and Patty let me go.**

_Erin: You still haven’t told them, right?_

**Holtz <3: Nope. If you wanna wait then that’s fine with me. They just know we're friendly again. Makes it a bit harder to sneak out though.**

_Erin: Sorry. You know what, it’s fine. I’ll just meet you at 11:30._

**Holtz <3: Hey, don’t worry. I’ll just say that I’m going to look for scrap metal and have lunch or something. I’ll be in the park at 10. Kay?**

_Erin: Perfect. Thank you. <3_

**Holtz: Anything.**

Okay, so only about thirty more minutes until she could leave. That wasn’t so bad, she could do thirty minutes.

* * *

**Monday 20th of March, 10:00 AM**

At precisely 10:00 AM Erin Gilbert was sitting on ‘their’ usual bench in Central Park. It was different now that the seasons had changed. The weather was nicer (which was pleasant, although she really loved getting to wear Holtz’s yellow scarf) and the ice rink was gone. It was also quieter than usually, which was probably because it was a Monday and it wasn’t lunch time yet, so most people are still at work. Right.

She reached for her purse and took out the book she’d been reading, knowing Holtz isn’t usually very punctual. She might as well read a little while she waits for the other woman.

It takes ten minutes.

Ten minutes until the blonde finally arrived, panting heavily and stopping to lean forward with her hands on her knees as soon as she reaches the bench.

“Erin.” She managed to say between breaths. “Sorry.”

“Are you okay?” She asked, scanning the other woman’s body to see if she had any injuries. “Did something happen?”

Holtzmann held up her hand. “I’m fine. Just- Shit-“

“Take your time.” Erin responded, eager to find out what was going on so she could help, but knowing that Holtz can’t talk right now.

“Ghost.” The blonde said then, still panting. “There’s a ghost.”

Erin looked around, as if the ghost was right behind her, right there in the park, which makes Holtz shake her head again. “No, not that.” She’s finally getting some air now. “Abby called. I was on my way over and then she called.”

Finally, she understands. “Oh. Okay. I get it.”

“I have to go. I’m so sorry. I just- I wanted to- I was almost here already.”

Erin smiled. “Thanks for coming to tell me.”

“Yeah, of course. Have to go now though, they’re waiting for me.”

The physicist nodded, then smiled as Holtz pushed forward and placed a small kiss on her lips. “I really am sorry. Can I see you tonight?”

“Uh yeah. Sure.” Erin responded, smiling.

“Okay. Bye!” Holtz is already running away from her, and suddenly Erin realizes what she needs to do, wants to do. She stands, quickly putting her book in her purse before going after Holtzmann.

“Holtz! Wait!” She yelled, running harder to catch up to her.

“What?” The blonde asked, turning around on her heels. “What’s wrong?”

“I was uh- I was just wondering if I could come with you guys?” Erin asked, ducking her head down to avoid the other woman’s gaze.

Holtzmann stepped forward then, gently stroking Erin’s cheek to get her to look up at her. “Babe. I’d love for you to come with us. But then we need to go right now, okay?”

Erin beamed at her and nodded. “Okay. Let’s go.”

They finally made it to the car, both panting heavily. “Oh my god.” Erin said as she noticed the vehicle. “What have you guys done to this car?” She asked.

Abby’s head snapped around as she heard the other woman’s voice. “Erin! What are you doing here? Also, wasn’t my idea.”

“Yeah, Holtzy pretty much did this herself.” Patty said, pushing the door open to let Erin slide into the backseat of the car, next to her.

“It’s uh- eccentric.”

“Thanks.” Holtzmann responded, slipping behind the wheel herself and immediately stepping on the gas.

“Baby, I uh- I love that you’re here, so don’t get me wrong, but why?” Patty asked carefully.

Erin smiled. “I think I want to do this. Or you know, I at least just want to come along with you guys today. If that’s alright?”

“That’s perfect.” Abby said, turning around in her seat to smile at her.

* * *

 

**Monday 20th of March, 10:32 AM**

“We’re here!” Holtzmann said as the car came to a screeching halt in front of an old abandoned building.

“Man. This place looks super creepy. Is anyone actually living here?” Patty asked, peeking out the window of the car to get a better look.

“Not sure. Kevin was pretty vague about it.” Abby responded, already out the car and gearing up.

“Kevin works with you guys now?” Erin asked. “I didn’t know.”

“Yeah, I mean, we needed someone to answer the phone and stuff.” Holtzmann said with a shrug of her shoulders. “It’s not the best, but it’s something.”

Erin watched her friends get ready for the bust. “Guys I uh- I don’t really have anything to-“ She started, then stopped talking as Patty handed her a suit.

“Oh, you guys have a spare?” She asked, realizing that probably made sense because of the amounts of slime these things throw at a person.

Patty smiled at her, then turned around to look at Holtzmann, who was raising her eyebrows. “Uh- not really.”

Erin frowned, then held the suit up in front of her, immediately noticing the name tag. “Patty- I don’t-“ She said as she felt herself tearing up, “I don’t even know what to say.”

“You don’t have to say anything baby. Just get your skinny ass in it so we can get moving.”

She nodded, then pulled Patty into her arms for just a second. “Thank you.”

Holtzmann walked over then, laying a gentle arm on Patty’s hand and looking at her with a soft smile and an expression that said ‘we’ll talk about this later’. She winked at Erin as she watched her get ready. “You look hot in that.”

“Holtz! They’ll hear you!”

“Nah. Don’t worry. We’re fine. Also, I uh- I made you this.”

She handed her the proton pack she’d been working on for a little while. “It’s uh- It’s probably not perfect since I didn’t know your measurements and stuff but I just- I just wanted to make it anyways for if you changed your mind or anything.”

“Holtzmann.. that’s-“

“And just so you know, I’m not trying to force you into joining or anything like that. I’m not trying to make you feel guilty here. You can still say no. I just, I guess I just wanted you to have the option.”

Erin smiled softly at her, then reached out and touched her arm briefly. “Holtz. I love it. Honestly, I wish I could kiss you right now.”

“Raincheck?”

“For sure.”

“Guys?” Abby called out, gesturing towards the building, from which a ghost could now clearly be seen through the window. “Ready to bust some ghosts?”

* * *

 

**Monday 20th of March, 11:40 AM**

The bust isn’t that bad after all. It’s just one ghost and it doesn’t really put up much of a fight. Erin smiled throughout the whole thing, especially when Holtz looked over and gave her tips and Patty came up to pat her on the shoulder when she did something just right. And Abby? Abby just looked at her as if to say ‘This is it. This is what we worked for, fought for, dreamed out.’ She has no idea how she went all this time without being a part of this.

She even smiled when she got slimed.

Patty laughed even harder, clutching her stomach and running over as soon as the ghost was locked up in the trap.

Erin just looked down at her overalls before looking back up and staring at her friends.

“What? I mean, you guys probably get this a lot by now.”

They stare at her, blank expressions on all of their faces. The smile fades from her face. “Oh my god, wait. You don’t?”

Patty shrugged. “I mean, Holtzy got it on her shirt one time.”

“Are you serious?”

“Er, it was my favorite shirt!”

“That’s true.” Abby chimed in.

"I’m sure it’s not as bad as getting it literally inside your underwear.”

They all laughed at that. “Don’t worry. We have a shower back at the lab.”

* * *

**Monday 20th of March, 04:00 PM**

Erin ends up spending the rest of the day in the lab with them. At first, she’s not sure what she should do, finding it a bit awkward to watch them. They have developed such a rhythm, working perfectly with each other and always knowing what someone else needs. But then Abby calls her over and they work on an equation together and suddenly she can see how she’d fit in this little family.

They work for hours, arguing and talking and laughing like they used to do, and eventually, they solve it. Holtz comes over and they speculate about how they’re going to make it work, these proton grenades that her and Abby have been working on. It’s possible, she says, she can build it. Of course she can.

She watched Holtzmann work for a little while, watching how her nose scrunches when she’s thinking and how her hands move so fast but so carefully at the same time. It’s mesmerizing. Then Patty called her over and they chatted for a bit, talked about the ‘sparky things’ that they found in the subway, and about how the girls found another one a little while ago.

Suddenly, it’s the end of the day, and she realizes she doesn’t want to leave. Abby seems to notice and makes her way over towards where Erin is standing.

“You know, there’s an empty desk that’s screaming your name.”

“I thought that was Kevin’s.” Erin answered.

“No, I mean. We sort of claimed it because his dog Mike Hat needed a desk of his own.”

“Kevin has a dog named my cat?”

“No, it’s Mike Hat.”

“That’s confusing.”

“Exactly what I said. Anyways, it’s yours if you want it.”

Erin smiled softly at her friend. “Are you- are you sure you’re okay with that? I mean, I know that things between us have been going better, but I’d understand if you don’t want me here. What you have with Patty and Holtzmann, and maybe even Kevin, is amazing, and I don’t want to destroy that by invading.”

“Erin.” Abby said as she reached out and took Erin's hand in hers. “You’re not invading, or anything like that. I want you here, on one condition.”

“Anything.”

“If you’re in, you’re all in. No matter what happens, you don’t run. You talk to me.”

“I promise.”

Abby pulled Erin into her arms and held her tight. “I’m so happy you’re back.”

“Yeah, me too.” Erin whispered in her ear.

The other girls suddenly rushed over, and then it became a group hug.

“Does this mean?” Holtzmann started, with a big smile on her face.

“If everyone if okay with it, then yes.” The redhead said, a somewhat shy smile on her face as her eyes shifted between Patty and Holtzmann.

Patty and Holtzmann both had big smiles on their faces. “Welcome to the Ghostbusters, Erin!” Holtzmann said, holding onto all of them just a little bit tighter.

“Yeah, still not happy with that name.” She responded.

Abby nodded. “Me neither.”

“Too bad. We already voted.”

* * *

 

**Monday 20th of March, 10:12 PM**

“Okay, so why did I agree to this?” Erin shouted, leaning closer to Holtz to make sure the other woman could hear her over the loud music.

“Because we’re celebrating that you’re a badass Ghostbusters now.” Holtzmann responded, a big smile on her face as she handed Erin a glass of beer.

“I wanna make a toast!” The blonde then yelled, pulling Abby and Patty closer so they could hear as well.

“Really Holtzy? I can barely even hear myself talking.”

“Let her talk.” Abby said, realizing that the blonde was about to say something more serious than they were expecting based on the look on her face.

“I just uh- I just want to say that I’m so happy that Erin decided to join and uh- I guess I just never really thought that I’d ever have a family like this but now I do and uh- yeah. I love you guys.”

Patty beamed at her. “Man, that was some deep stuff right there. Love you too Holtzy.”

Abby hugged her and held her tight. “I love you, you know that right? We’re family. Forever.”

“Thanks, Abby.”

Erin waited until Abby released her before hugging Holtzmann too. “That was really sweet of you Holtz.” She said, talking directly in her ear to make sure the other woman could hear her. “The timing was a bit odd, but then again, it’s you. I’m so happy I joined you guys.”

Holtzmann chuckled. “Yeah, me too. We all are.”

“Okay, okay. Enough with the hugging now. I’m glad we’re all friends again, looking at you Erin and Holtz, but it’s almost 10:30 and I need some tequila or something.” Patty said, oblivious to what exactly was going on between her two friends.

Not that long later, they were all pretty tipsy, dancing on the dance floor, laughing and making stupid faces at each other. Erin was feeling pretty tired, and decided it was probably best if she’d call it a night right about now, if she wanted to function at all tomorrow.

“Holtzmann.” She said, making her way over towards where the engineer was standing.

“Hey, Erin!” The blonde responded, leaning on the bar. “You want something to drink as well?” She asked, waiting for the bartender to come to her.

“No uh- I think I’m actually going to go home. I’m pretty tired and stuff.”

Just then, Abby and Patty made their way over towards them. “Hey guys, we uh- we were thinking about going home.”

Holtzmann laughed. “Yeah, you guys are probably right. We should go.”

“Come on then.” Abby said, being the only sober one, “I’ll drive you guys home.”

Erin and Holtzmann nodded, following Patty and Abby out of the bar and onto the streets of New York. Somewhere along the way she’d taken hold of the blonde’s hand (to make sure she didn’t lose her in the crowd, obviously) and she wasn’t really ready to let go yet. Luckily enough Patty was too drunk to notice, and it looked like Abby already knew what was going on anyways.

They were about to walk over towards their car when suddenly- “Erin!”

She froze.

She knew that voice.

Recognized it.

“Oh no.” She said softly, only loud enough for Holtzmann to hear.

The blonde immediately turned around on her heels, raising her eyebrows when she noticed who was standing right behind them. She wrapped an arm around Erin without even really thinking about it and held her closer to her.

“Phil.” Holtzmann said, her voice sounding lower than normally. “What are you doing here?” 


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, so... I know it's been forever. 
> 
> I don't really want to get into it but here's what happened in short:  
> \- decided that working three jobs was too much and quit two (working just the one full time now and loving it)  
> \- made plans to move to Austin, TX (currently live in the Netherlands) but then got stressed because THERE IS SO MUCH TO DO STILL  
> \- had to move back hone, but was afraid because of shit that happened with my mom years ago  
> \- GENERAL STRESS ABOUT 200000 OTHER THINGS 
> 
> it's kinda hard to explain but I just had a ton of emotional things I needed to deal with and I just wasn't feeling well enough to write. Anyways, I'm doing better now and wanted to give you guys an update. ALSO, this story is like almost over (as you'll notice) and I really, really want to know what you guys still want to read. 
> 
> This is important!!!! Let me know what you still want to see, if you have any ideas or thoughts or stuff like that. Tell me in the comments or come talk to me on tumblr dr-jillianholtzmann. If there's nothing left you guys wish to see, the next chapter will probably be the last one. However, if there are some cool ideas I might continue for a few more chapters. Okay, I'll let you get on with reading now. 
> 
> xx E

_“Phil.” Holtzmann said, her voice sounding lower than normally. “What are you doing here?”_

**Monday 20th of March, 10:22 PM**

Phil ignored Holtzmann, turning his attention towards Erin instead, who hadn’t moved an inch after the engineer had wrapped her arm around her. Her mouth was still hanging open, but she couldn’t get any words out.

“Erin.” He said again, taking a step towards them. From the corner of her eye, she noticed Patty taking a step forward as well.

Holtzmann was just glaring at him. She wanted to yell, she really did. Maybe even punch him. He had caused Erin so much pain in the past and she knew sometimes the physicist was insecure because of him, because of things he’d told her, made her believe. So yeah, Holtz wanted to punch him. She wanted to tell him that he was wrong about everything.

But she didn’t. She didn’t because Erin had frozen up in her arms and was breathing heavier and she was aware that getting physical here might do more damage than good. Instead, she tightened her grip around the other woman to let her know she was here for her.

“Erin.” Phil said once more, getting impatient now. “You’re not even going to say hello to me?”

Erin frowned, not believing he was actually saying this right now. She didn’t even know how to respond to that.

“Phil.” Abby then said, moving so she was standing next to Erin and Holtzmann. “I think you should leave.”

“Abigail. Nice to see you again.” He responded, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

“Can’t say the same, I’m afraid.” She answered dryly, raising an eyebrow and crossing her arms. He shook his head and snorted in response.

“Are you for real?” He directed his question towards Erin again. “You’re still hanging out with these two?” He gestured towards Patty and Abby, before shifting his gaze over towards Holtzmann, whom he seemed to recognize. “And what is crazy park lady doing here?”

That caused Holtzmann to chuckle. “You know what, I’ll take that. Seems pretty accurate to me.”

Holtzmann’s light comment seemed to pull Erin from her current state of disbelief. She removed the blonde’s arm from around her and put a polite, and very fake, smile on her face. “Phil. I think it’s best if you just leave.”

“Yeah, and you should come with me. I can help you get a job. Obviously not Columbia, after that ridiculous ‘thing’ that you did.”

Erin cleared her throat. “That ‘thing’ you are referring to is actually me and my colleagues finding real, scientific evidence of the existence of the paranormal.”

He rolled his eyes. “Sure. Of course.”

“You don’t have to believe her.” Abby chimed in.

“It’s not really like he ever did anyways.” Holtzmann said softly, not being able to stop herself.

“Excuse me?” Phil asked, “What did you say?”

Holtzmann just shook her head in response, knowing arguing with him was pointless anyways. “Never mind.” She said then.

Erin kept her eyes on the engineer, then turned towards Phil again. “No, you know what, she’s right. You never believed in me.”

“So what?” He said, throwing his hands up into the air. “When someone tells you they saw a freaking ghost when they were a kid you’re just supposed to say ‘sure thing, tell me more?’”

Patty interrupted then. “Maybe not, but you gotta at least be there. Accept it. Talk about it. Not claim that the person you love is insane and try to change her into a completely different person. Man, I can’t believe I even have to explain this.”

Abby smiled, agreeing with her friend.

“I don’t even know why we’re talking about this.” Erin then said, shrugging her shoulders.

“Just come home.”

She laughed dryly. “See these people here?” She gestured towards the others, “ _They_ are my family. _They_ are my home. So yeah, Phil, I am going home. Just not with you."

She cocked her head towards the direction of the car, letting the others know she was just about done with this dumb conversation. Holtzmann smiled softly at her, briefly putting her hand on her lower back before retrieving it again, not wanting to put Erin into a position where she’d have to talk about that too.

“Sure. Go. Whatever.” Phil called after them. “It’s not like you’ll ever actually find someone who’ll love you now.”

Erin stopped dead in her tracks, turning around on her heels. She grabbed Holtzmann’s upper arm to stop her as well, then pulled on it to turn the other woman towards her. She was still staring at Phil, a small smile on her lips now. “You know what? I think I’ll be alright.”

She roughly pulled the blonde towards her, noticing how her eyes widened before Erin closed her own as she pressed her lips against Holtzmann’s. It was rougher than any other kiss they shared before, fueled by Erin’s anger towards Phil and the passion she felt for the engineer. Holtzmann moaned into the kiss, placing her hands on Erin’s lower back and roughly pulling her closer to her body. The kiss lasted another second before the two pulled away from each other, breathing heavily. Erin stared into Holtzmann’s eyes, which had darkened almost completely. She then turned her head towards Phil and smiled at him.

“Let’s go guys. Goodbye, Phil.”

He didn’t say another word. Just stood there. In fact, he was still standing there, nailed to the ground as the car drove away and they watched him get smaller and smaller through the back window.

**Tuesday 21th of March, 12:01 AM**

They were all sitting in Erin’s living room, still talking about the incident with Phil, as well as laughing and joking about what a crazy day it had been.

The laughter was fading now, and Erin reached out to hold the blonde’s hand. She squeezed it softly and smiled at her.

“Just uh-“ Abby started, “Just so you know, I’m happy for you guys. I know this probably isn’t how you planned to tell us, but it’s okay.”

Erin smiled at her friend. “Thank you, Abby. That means a lot. I just wanted to wait a bit, I guess. I didn’t really want you guys to think that the only reason I wanted in was because of Holtzmann. Because it’s not.”

“We know baby. I’m really happy for you guys.” Patty said, then held up her hand and smiled at Holtzmann. “I mean, come on, you gotta at least give me this one.”

The engineer chuckled, then leaned forward to high five Patty.

“You guys are such children.” Erin said, even though she couldn’t help but smile. Honestly, looking around the room, and knowing what she had now, she felt like high-fiving every single person in the entire world. She never even dreamed of having this. She couldn’t believe she had a family that consisted of her three best friends, and they accepted and loved her, exactly for who she was. She had a new job that made her feel like a badass and like she had a real purpose in life. And then there was Holtzmann. This – slightly insane – scientist, who was a total genius and made way too many jokes and flirtatious comments, but would make her heart skip a beat whenever she looked at her and smiled softly, one that she knew Holtzmann saved only for her. For the first time in her life, she wasn’t afraid of the future.

Sure, there would be struggle ahead of them, as there probably always will be. However, she knew, with these people by her side, she was ready to face anything.

“Hey Er.” Holtzmann said, shifting on the couch next to her. “You okay? You kinda dazed off.”

Erin turned towards the younger woman and smiled. “I’m great. Sorry. I was just thinking.”

“Okay. Sure.” She bit her lower lip then and looked at her, and suddenly Erin noticed what exactly was going on. The shifting, the lip thing, the wide pupils.

“Oh.” She said out loud, turning towards Patty and Abby, who were wrapped up in their own conversation. “Hey guys, is it okay if we uh- If I go to bed? I’m kinda tired and my girlfriend here probably still needs to rest and take care of her injuries.”

“No, I do-“

“Holtz.” She nudged the other woman’s shoulder.

“I mean, yeah. I’m tired, and you know, the ribs hurt a little.”

Patty chuckled, pulling a still oblivious Abby up from the couch and towards the door. “Sure guys. Have fun.”

“Uh- goodnight?” Abby said, still unsure what was going on. “I’ll see you tomorrow Erin?”

“Wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

Just as they were about the close the door behind them, Patty put her head through it and glanced at them. “Just so you know, we’re setting up rules for this kind of stuff happening in the workplace tomorrow.”

“Yes, Patty. Goodnight.” Erin said as she grinned at her friend, watching her close the door behind her before turning towards Holtzmann.

“Are you-“ She started, before being cut off as the engineer hungrily pressed their lips together and pushed her down so that she was laying on the couch, the other woman hovering above her.

“You called me your girlfriend.” Holtzmann said as she broke the kiss and stared down at Erin.

“Uh yeah. I mean- is that not okay?” Erin asked, suddenly afraid she’d made a mistake.

“No! I mean, it is, okay. Great even.” The engineer quickly reassured her. “It’s just uh- I didn’t know.”

The redhead frowned, clearly not quite understanding.

“I didn’t know that I was your girlfriend.”

“I did say that I was all in.”

“I know. It’s just- I uh- I don’t really do relationships, or did, so I didn’t know. I guess I just thought that maybe you wanted me to ask, to like make it official or something. Or maybe you just-“

“Holtzmann.” Erin said, cutting her off with a quick kiss. “Do you want to be my girlfriend? Just to like make it official or something.” She said, a teasing smile on her face.

The engineer laughed and pressed their lips together once more. “Yes. Erin. I would love to be your girlfriend.”

“Great. Now, please, get back to kissing me.”

Holtzmann chuckled before leaning down and kissing Erin once more. This time, the kiss quickly deepened, their tongues battling for dominance. Holtzmann lowered her body so she was straddling Erin’s thigh, then pressed her knee up so that it came into contact with Erin’s heat, causing the redhead to moan into the kiss.

“Don’t do that.” Holtzmann said, panting as she broke the kiss.

“Do what?”

“Make that sound. It’s really hot. I can’t stop if you make that sound.”

“Then don’t.” Erin said, pressing herself harder against the blonde’s leg. This time it was Holtzmann that moaned.

“Are you sure?” The blonde asked, her fingers pushing Erin’s shirt up as she started pressing open mouthed kisses to her neck.

“Holtzmann?” Erin asked, her voice already slightly hoarse. “Take me to bed.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I said PLEASE TELL ME IF YOU STILL HAVE IDEAS/THINGS YOU WANT FROM THIS STORY/THOUGHTS/ETC. 
> 
> you can yell at me in the comments or on tumblr (dr-jillianholtzmann). 
> 
> If not, the next chapter will probably be the last :)

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know if you liked it/hated it and what you would like to see next :)


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